6 years without you mom

This post is late, but that's ok, because these are really just for me, like therapy.... I miss you mommy.  

Life has been hard without you by my side.  I didn't really realize how much I relied on you, talked things through with you.... I guess I took you for granted.... I mean I know I showed and told you often and well how much I loved you, but I for sure didn't think we would loose you so soon.

It did not help that dad died 4 months after you.... we really did think that we would loose him first, it seemed like you were doing so well and to loose you to such a freak accident just really shook us.... little did I know how much worse it was going to get before it would get better! 

Those first few years were devastating.  Everything hurt, it just left this huge hole in all of our lives.  Angie and I talked about it a lot.... I think it bought it even closer than we already were, which was pretty close.  Neither of us wanted to work in our gardens because it just made us think of you, but we did... we just did it together, one week at my house, one week at her house.  We made cuttings from your blackberry bush.... mine us HUGE now,,,, maybe bigger than yours was!  We could never get Angie's to take off :(

We held on to your home (on Pima Way) and rented it to nice people (all but 1 couple) that really loved it, but it hurt to go over there and have you and Dad not be there, it helped when Angie could go with me.  We didn't want to sell it because all of our childhood memories were in that home.  Things have gotten easier as the years have gone on.  I can feel the happy memories of you and dad more than the sadness now, but I still miss you so so much, and I can't help but think if you guys were still here.  She never recovered from those losses, and Mike would not allow her to go to therapy, He pushed her to drink to mask her emotions until her body could not take it any more.  He turned out to just be a really bad guy, Angie hid it a lot from all of us.... tons of information came out after she passed, her kids found evidence of emotional, and physical abuse on her phone.. Its just so sad mom

So lets talk about all the cool things you missed that you would have loved!

Izzy got married to Jacob... Angie would have loved that, she was still alive when they got together, just not when they got engaged and got married.  Izzy graduated college in the top of her class and now doing a internship to physician assistant.  Her and Jacob are living in Louisiana. They are super happy and doing great.

Tristan and Zander are as close close as ever, they both had a huge "glow up" junior year and I swear turned into 2 of the most attractive boys on this mountain!  And they are still super kind and amazing kids as well!!!  Tristan had a very hard time with the loss of his mom (of course all the kids did) but Tristan was forced into the roll of caretaker for his younger siblings.... also for Angie before she went into the hospital.  Mike even tried to suggest he drop out of high school and put off College.... I did not let Tristan entertain that option, I said I would quit my job first.... even though Mike didn't work after Angie died... I have no idea why everything was on Tristan. It was frustrating!

But he graduated in the top 10% of his class. he could have be valedictorian but did not want to give a speech at graduation, so he knocked himself down a few points on purpose.  He could have gone to any of the Ivy league Schools, he choose Virginia Tech because they had the program he wanted.... Paleontology.  He drove all the way out there by himself.  Mike told him that he was going to drive out with him until the last minute and then bailed, which I was so mad about because I would have gone... I don't think he should have had to do that alone, but every night before he stopped he would text Adam and tell him the town and hotel he was thinking of staying at so Adam could look it up and be sure it was safe.  He checked in with us multiple times a day and he made it!  At Christmas Mike chose not to fly him home for the 3 week break.  Zander learned about this late at night and before I was awake the next morning Zander and his friends and pooled their money and had enough for a plane ticket and asked Adam and I if they gave me the money if I would buy the ticket and let Tristan stay at our house because at this point he was pretty much done with his dad's drama.  So of course we did it and had a lovely visit!  While he was here we were able to help Tristan apply for the Darrin Reed scholarship and he was chosen to receive that.  He asked Adam and I to go to the ceremony and accept for him since he was back at school by then, it was such an honor

Cole and Hayden are still living with Mike at this point and it is very hard for them, especially Hayden.  Cole will be 17 this week but has 2 years of school left.  He is very motivated to graduate and get moved out.  Right now Mike has the kids living in a vacation rental cabin and plans to move them to Texas.  He let his house get into foreclosure status and then did sell it right before the foreclosure would have happened .  There is no reason to move to Texas, the have no family there, no job waiting for him, he just wants to take them from me from what I can see.  He thinks I am the one that keeps calling CPS on him but he is wrong, the only call I have made to CPS is to let them know that if the kids are taken out of his home I will take them and keep them together, that was after he got a extreme DUI of .38 with Hayden in the car and crashed.  I have no idea how they are still with him.  I worry about Hayden a lot, she exhibits a lot of concerning behavior, but I just try to be there for her.

Dylan is doing fantastic!  He is  clean and sober, he has his own place, a serious girlfriend and a great job.  He is a Union employee in the oil industry in California.  We are so so proud that he got clean and got his life together.

Aiden just got married this month and moved to Idaho, he got a job as an RV tech, his wife seems super sweet, and this is the happiest I have seen him is years.

Nicole and Zeandrea are fabulous, they have been married for 7 years, still living in Canada... They have the most healthy relationship and have grown into amazing adult humans!  I am so proud of both of them and just love them to pieces!  Zander, Tristan, and I went up to visit them right after the boys graduated last year and it was such a great trip!

Zander is great, he is just so wise, and so kind.  He was a little lost when Tristan moved, and a lot depressed.  but he is halfway to getting his associates degree from NPC and still living at home, which I love for now.  He woks part time, and is just very nice to be around.  He is very against drinking, drugs, and any sort of intolerance towards anyone.  So I never have to worry about him causing trouble.

Adam and I are in a great place in our marriage, stronger than ever, he has been my rock... Through loosing  my parents, then my close friend Kim... who you guys knew well to suicide, then my baby sister who I considered my best friend, my person, my other half.... to a cancer diagnosis, it has been a lot but Adam has been so so supportive and just been exactly what I need through it all

The gift you and dad left in your will, the account with the money with instructions for us to travel to spread your ashes together (maybe it wasn't in your will and you had just said that is what you wanted) we used that to the fullest extent..... we did things together that we never would have been able to.... Angie and I went to Mexico, Hawaii, and the Bahamas with our families.... so many memories were made, all without knowing that we would loose Angie so soon, that as priceless.... Thank you for that mom and dad.

I love you so much mommy!  I miss you all the time, but I am happy to be able to say that even though it still hurts that you are gone, the happy memories are overshadowing the pain at this point.  You were a great mom, thank you for that.  You taught me to love my children no matter what, and I do. Just thank you.

New Directions

 I think it is time to use this platform as more of therapeutic writing space for me, since I am quite sure no one reads this anymore, and if anyone does its most likely not anyone that will really care about anything I write, this can kind of be my space..... but just in case...

 

Our family is Good.  Adam and I have a fantastic marriage and are closer than ever, we just celebrated our 22nd anniversary, we got through all the hard things, and we did it together!

Our kids are all grown up, most are out of the house and living their own lives.  Zander still lives with us and is going to our local community college.  He is a fabulous person with a huge heart, he still loves to snuggle, he is always rubbing my back when he walks by or just putting a loving hand on my arm or leg.  he doesn't quite know what he wants to do moving forward so taking classes at community college seems the most logical next step for him, and Adam and I are find with having him at home, he is not the kind of kid we have to worry about breaking rules or going out to wild parties, so all of that is working out just great!

Aidan transitioned about 9 years ago and is Nicole now.  She is happy and married living in Canada.  It turns out a lot of her teenage angst came from not knowing who she really was.  It took a lot of therapy and support but she is living her best life with her wife Andi, they have been married for 6 years now and have a wonderful relationship.  It is an amazing thing to see your children grow into happy adults.  We are very close and talk tons, and last summer Zander, his cousin Tristan, and myself took a trip up to Canada to visit and it was awesome!

Dylan is doing fantastic, he has a great job as a millwright in Bakersfield CA and is actually here in Pinetop for a month long visit right now that will end with him joining us, along with Zander and Adam's mom and her long term boyfriend on a trip to Eleuthera Bahama's in May!  Dylan has come so far in life and we could not be more proud of him.  The relationship he has with his dad is just gold, the 2 of them truly never stop laughing when they are together.  Dylan just brings such a light and fun energy everywhere he goes, we all love it when he visits!

There is unfortunately some sort of a breakdown where it comes to Aiden T. and Lyndsay with our family, I think they have taken whatever pain they had from their parents divorce and also taken on a lot of their mom's pain from the divorce and  don't really have much of a relationship with us.  It is heartbreaking, but it is also out of our hands.  Hopefully some day they will see the light and see the love we have for them and things will go back to normal.

 

Ad for life this past 6 or so years it has been hard.  

July of 2019 I lost my mom.  She had survived brain cancer for 18 years and slipped one morning getting into bed and broker her neck.  She could have had a stroke or heart attack, we are not sure.  My sister and I were out of town at the time with all the kids on our annual girls trip, mom normally went with us but that year she had decided to stay home with our dad because he was not doing great. That left a big hole in both my sister and I.

4 months later in November 2019 I lost my dad.  He had been struggling with prostate cancer, and to be honest he lost his will to live when mom died.  He lit a cigar with his oxygen on and the fire melted all the tubing, burning his body as well as down his airway.  He lived in agony unable to eat or drink for 11 days after that.  That widened the hole.

In January of 2021 one of my closest friends, Kim Camp choose to take her own life.  She was a wonderful and dynamic person who had a lot of demons.  The parts of that grief hole that had started to heal opened right back up.  

Some time in the summer of 2021 I was diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer.  At first I was told the survival rate was 20% over 5 years. I later went to a specialist that said those odds were for people in the 70's and didn't apply to me at all.  I was able to keep my blood counts to acceptable levels using natural remedies until late 2024 when I had to start chemotherapy (which has worked well and I am now only on a maintenance dose  and my numbers are right where we want them)

the absolute worst thing and probably what a lot of my writing will be about is that in the spring of 2023 my sister, my sweet sweet baby sister got sick, we found out that she had started drinking heavily since our parents died and she tried to quit on her own, that led to hallucinations and seizures and a trip to the local hospital where they really did nothing except keep her for a few days and sent her hom with a prescription for anti seizure meds ... This is when I started seeing the true nature of her husband coming out, he didn't care, he had their 16 year old, Tristan, totally in charge of her care.  In charge of her meds, in charge of bathing her, by this time she was too week to get from her bed to her couch without help and her whole body was turning yellow.  Adam and I were over to be with her on a Sunday and she was barely conscious.  Adam brought up the fact that she didn't seem ok, and maybe we should take her back to the hospital, he husband said absolutely not.  He was a drunk and just didn't want to bother with it.  We went home that evening and called her adult daughter and made a plan.  As soon as he was due to go to work Monday morning I went over there and sure enough Tristan and I could not wake her up for anything, so I called 911 as planned, I took a picture waiting for the ambulance of Tristan holding her hand, her body looked like and orange.  It didn't take them long after getting her to our local hospital to make the choice to life flight her to a level 1 trauma center in Scottsdale.  I did call her husband and tell him, he did come down to the hospital but didn't stay near her room so she gave me the authority to make decisions for her.  I had to authorize them to intubate  my baby sister, which he was then mad at me for....They sent her off in the helicopter and Adam gathered me and all of her kids and Zander and we rusher down there in case she didn't make it long.  They originally didn't think she would.  That first day he was intubated and we were all around her and the Dr. came in and said that they were looking for some sort of meaning full reaction from her, more than just basic opening of her eyes or reflexes.  Adam was holding her had and said Angie if you can hear squeeze my hand and she did, the Dr. said it was probably just reflexes, so he said if you hear me to it again and she did!  It was hope and it was magical.  We stayed the night with the kids and then went him with her in pretty much the same condition but I just grabbed a duffel bag of clothes and came right back to her, Adam said if I didn't he would!  By about day 3 she was still on the vent but she was aware enough that she wanted out of the restraints and she wanted to communicate!  I was able to get a letter chart and I could take 1 of her hands out of the restraints and she could point to letters and spell things out for me and ask basic questions.  Her husband did come down to the valley and leave his 3 kids home alone but never spent much time at the hospital.  I just moved in to her room, the chair was my bed, the nurses loved me because I helped out.  I think after about day 5 she got off the vent and was doing better, they started dialysis and she seemed to be improving.  We talked a lot, She ended up being in that hospital for about 5 weeks, I stayed with her pretty much the whole time, and I am so thankful for those times we  got together.  Unfortunately she always had weak heart and lungs and could not handle the amount of dialysis that she needed  and on July 19, 2023 she passed away.  All the holes I thought were left in before were blown wide open and much much bigger.  Loosing my sister has been the hardest thing I have experienced in my life.  Its been close to 2 years and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her, miss her, often cry for her.

But I think this is about enough for today

Christmas time !!

This year we had another wonderful Christmas, It was low key, not too many presents, but we had some good family time and that is what really matters to me!

 

This is "Rockstar Aidan"  His dad got him an electric guitar for Christmas, he has tought himself some chords already, and we will have to look into lessons..... he sure looks the part of a rockin' teenage boy!

 Our Stockings were hung next to our friend Desmond this year..... Desmond was sporting a cute santa hat until some boy decided it would look better on his own head :)

 Our Christmas tree was actually bigger than the biggest room in our house..... this is what happens when you let Adam and Dylan be solely in charge of picking out the tree!

 Zander made the cutest little elf for the year, he is growing up faster than I can believe.... still my sweet snugly little man.

 Hayden is such an angel, she loves the new chair that mimi got her!

 Dylan will be 18 next week, hard to believe that the darling obnoxious little boy I fell in love with 10 years ago is an adult.... he has also completely lost the ability to make a normal face when there is a camera around, and yet he is still cute and charming.... don't ask me how, he just is!

 Zander was so happy with the box of 100 slim jims that mom-mom bought him!

 Aiden Tanner is one handsome boy, he looks alot like his dad, he got motorcycle riding gear for Christmas because he rides alot of dirt bikes at his mom's house, and now we have one at our house to.... help my heart and his moms because it is scary as heck to see him take off on those powerfull machines!

 Adam and his sweet mom

 This is our herd of deer, they are all over our yard almost every day, this picture was taken from inside our house, that is how close they get!

 Cute boys

 Aidan and Zander got a 3ds that they are sharing, it was their big present and I had my doubts about them sharing something like that but so far so good, and they are both so happy!

I told Adam that what I really wanted for Christmas was a family picture while Aiden Tanner is here, I told him I wasn't going to bother him or remind him, so we will see if it happens.... or if we wait until the day before he leaves and I choose to remind him and we take one of those no makeup hurried pics.....

I spent most of the last week recovering. I had a minor surgery that I have been struggling with for a couple of years. I had my tubes tied. I have known for a long time that I was done having babies, I lived that part of my life and I lived it well. I not only got to raise and enjoy my two babies but I got to enjoy my husband's three kids from a young age as well. Aidan t. Was only about a year and a half old when we got together, it was like having twins about half the time and I loved those little almost twins to death! I thought I was done then but things changed and Adam and I wanted one baby that never had to go to another parents house.... he was 100% ours 100% of the time. It didn't make missing the other kids any less but it was perfection!

Even with all these sweet memories I knew my time as a mother to babies had come to an end ( and I ended with the perfect son) but it was still a hard decision for me to make, it kind of felt like I was losing a big part of who I am as a woman.

The surgery itself wasn't too bad. The sweetness that my husband, mother in law, and kids showed me helped me tons..... you would never look at my husband and think of him as a caregiver but he was so great to me! Zander very gently came to snuggle me every day before and after school. He brought me crackers and water without being asked and he layed in bed with me and read. He also told me that when he was in heaven he asked to come to our family to be a source of love..... he has succeeded! That boy is pure love and I am so lucky to have him !

Seriously happy times!!

I am just in love with my life right now!  My kids are at great stages in their lives, I really really love my job, I am office manager and transaction coordinator at a really great real estate company.  The people I work with are amazing.  My sister and her family not only moved back to AZ after 10 years but now they are moving back to Lakeside.... my kids can grow up with their cousins and I get my best friend back!  There are a few downers in my life but I am going to ignore those. 

Aidan and Zander are best buds and I love that.  A few weeks ago I got a text message from a friend saying that she had seen them walking down the road, on their way home from the park no doubt, and they were walking with their arms around each other just talking and laughing.  It made me so happy to hear that they are nice to each other when I am not around to tell them to be! 
Aidan has turned into such an amazing person the last year, I just could not love him more!  His grades are great, he has a great, happy, helping disposition almost all the time, he is amazing with Zander MOST of the time!  He rides his bike to school in the mornings and stops by my office on the way home every day, he will make the rounds and talk to everyone who happens to be in the office, hang out for 15 or 20 minutes, then go over to Zander's school to walk him home.  Last week I had a minor surgery and the day of I let Zander's homework slide, but the next day I got up about an hour after school was out to help him do the work for the last 2 days but when I got his packet out of his backpack the whole weeks worth of homework was done!  I told Zander I was so proud of him for getting it done without me telling him to and he told me that since I wasn't feeling good Aidan had helped him do it the day before.  Those are 2 good boys right there!

Aiden Tanner was with us for the summer and that was such a pleasure, he is a great kid, so much like his dad and Dylan.... they look like a bunch of clones I tell ya!  Aiden T. is super tall and can really hold his own in wresteling matches with his dad and Dylan these days.  Him and Zander became good buddies over the summer, Aiden T. babysat 5 days a week while Adam, Dylan and I were working and Aidan W. was away at his dad's house. 

Dylan is a great guy to, he is really quite good to his brothers, he teaches them all the innapropriate yet hillarous things that a big brother teaches younger brothers.... He humors them and plays with them quite frequently, or rides bikes with them.  Him and Adam have been working hard to get us enough wood to get through the winter nice and warm and he can't wait to go back to his job at the ski shop :)

Now pictures, this might be an overload but I just love these guys!

  this is such a common place to find zan!

                                            Love that handsome Aidan boy to death!

                                            Beautiful Lyndsay and her handsome daddy!

Aiden t. Doing what the Staley boys do..... running, climbing, and above all competing!

The aidan's..... awesome brother's. Not by blood but bound by being family nonetheless.... they are great together

Dylan might not admit it but he really does love being surrounded by these little ones... they tend to flock to him!

This picture is great of mom mom and Zan but I can't make it rotate on my tablet

Family Pictures over the years

I recently found all the family pictures we have taken the past 10 years.  We have done them every year around Christmas, this is the first year we haven't gotten around to it...... with Lyndsay being off at college and the visitation schedules being so hectic we just never seemed to be all in the same place at the same time this year.  We are going to visit Lyndsay for spring break but my Aidan will be with his dad so we will have to take a picture and photoshop him off to the side somehow to make it work.

2003

Adam, Jen, Lyndsay (9) Dylan (8)

Aiden T. (4) Aidan W. (4)

 

Believe it or not we Adam took this picture himself with the timer on the camera, he pushed the button then ran over and we all piled on top of him and tried not to laugh! 

 

2004

Lyndsay (10) Dylan (9) Aidan W. (5) Aiden T. (5)

Jen, Adam

This was the year we added dogs to our family, you can see how well they were cooperating with the family picture idea, an interesting picture idea was just not going to work if we wanted the dogs in it and if I remember right the kids really thought the dogs needed to be in the picture!

2005

Dylan (10) Jen, Aidan W. (6) , Adam,

Aiden T. (6) Lyndsay (11)

Tree climbing by our house in Show Low... I think this was on a mountain bike trail that Adam used to ride alot, he loved the tree and thought it would make a good picture :) 

 

 

2006

Adam, Jen, Aidan W. (7) Aiden T. (7)

Dylan (11) Lyndsay (12) Zander (6 Months)



 



This year Zander joined our family, He spent the year being adored and spoiled by his big brothers and sister.... he has got to be the most loved little guy in the world!

 

 

2007

Aiden T. (8) Dylan (12) Adam, Jen, Zander (1)

Aidan W. (8) & Lyndsay (13)

 

We took a hike down the black river to take this picture.... fun times with a fun group !

 

 

2008

Jen, Zander (2) Aiden T. (9) Lyndsay (14),

Dylan (13) Aidan W. (9), Adam 

 

 

This picture was in the front room of Don & Jane's house in Woodland hills shortly after it was completed 

 

2009

Adam, Lyndsay (15) Aiden T. (10) Dylan (14)

Aidan W. (10), Zander (3) Jen 

 

 

This was our resort syled Christmas, we took the whole family to the Tapatillo Cliffs Resort in Scottsdale for Christmas since we were in a transistion period between houses, it was great to swim and lounge in the sun for Christmas break!

 

2010

Jen, Zander (4) Aiden T. (11) Dylan (15)

Adam, Aidan W. (11) Lyndsay (16)

This is the view from the top of our apartment complex, overlooking Adam's favorite place for the past few years, Phoenix Law School!   

2011

Adam, Zander (5) Dylan (16) Jen

Aidan W. (12) Lyndsay (17) Aiden T. (12) 

 

 

This was the most last minute ... hurry up and get home from work, forget about doing your hair or makeup at all, picture in the world.  It was at the little park in our neighborhood in Mesa.  I love how Zander has his arms around Daddy and Dylan.... 2 of his favorite people in the world! 

 

 

Surprised!

My birthday was a week and a half ago, I am 36 this year and thought I could slip under the radar of everyone I know.  In our family we don't normally do much for adults birthdays, which is just fine with me, my kids are kind of oblivious unless someone tells them and then reminds them at least a few times, so I didn't think they would notice, and I am the one in the office who passes around the birthday cards for everyone to sign so I thought if I just didn't pass one around for my birthday no one would even know I was having one... Wrong, I didn't factor my friend Trisha into this occasion, apparently Trisha is quite opposed to letting a birthday go by unannounced, so she not only told everyone in my office that I was having a birthday, she insisted that we have a mid-day pizza party, and our resident cowboy cooking expert made my a dutch oven peach cobbler and ice cream to go along with it, so we had a nice little party (against my will, I don't like to be the center of attention) right here in the office.... Adam brought the boys down for lunch and we all had fun.  My birthday was on Friday night so Adam and I had plans to go out.  When I got home from work the boys had the house all clean and Dylan said that he would feed the younger boys dinner and we should just go and have fun.  We had an awesome night of shopping and dinner on the agenda and I was excited!  After shopping for an hour and a half or so we were hungry and headed back to Pinetop, Adam had missed a call from Dylan so he called him back and told me that we needed to stop at the house real quick because Dylan had a question about a pen he was making, I must admit I was annoyed but it really was right on the way so not a huge deal.  When we pulled up the house was dark but the boys are strange like that so I didn't think much of it but when I opened the door just about everyone I know in this town was right there!  I have never had a surprise party, and to be honest I do not love being the center of attention, but it was so much fun.  Everyone brought Mexican food, Trisha made home made Pina Colada's which were amazing, and quite a few people from work had made up completely false stories about going out of town for the weekend and were there.  Our house is great for parties with plenty of room to spread out, the kids played upstairs mostly, and people played pool, there was lots of room to spread out food and just hang out.  It was really a fun night and my husband and friends made me feel so special :)  I didn't take any pictures other than Kim, the hot young girl at our office posing with the preteen boys who are looking quite pleased with themselves, but they were just blurry cell phone pics (since I wasn't prepared for a party!)

Time for school!

Today is the first day back at school for my kiddos, Zander is in 1st grade, Aidan started Jr. High (how did he get so dang big!!) and Dylan started his Junior year in high school.  Aidan was by far the most excited to go back to school, he loves school and I love that!  They are all 3 starting a new school this year, so it will be an adjustment but one of Aidan's best friends from Mesa actally moved up here over the summer and will not only be going to the same school as him but is also living less than a mile from our house!  That was very exciting news for him!  I had to surpress my motherly desires and not follow them in to the schools to get 1st day of school pics but I did manage to snap a couple of Aidan and Zander when we were leaving this morning, Dylan wasn't with us so I just got the 2 of them but I am adding a great picture of Dylan and his dad here just because they are so handsome :)

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I love the way Zander looks up at Aidan with that loving look.... I just love those boys so much!









Zander is off to first grade,
Aidan to 7th....... AHHH Junior High!!!











I am so happy to have finally got a normal smile out of Dylan, (and him and his dad look great together!) he either makes a goofie face or..... makes a goofy face when I try to take his picture, which I guess is true Dylan!  He makes us laugh every day.  I really love that boy and am so glad to have him in my family!  He is a chip off the old block so he got a ton of amazing traits from my perfect husband (Can you tell I love him very much to!)






When I came home from orientation with Aidan last night this is how I found Zander... I wonder who helped him get up there!!

Summer Time

This summer has been super busy, mostly good, and gone by way too fast!
We got moved into our new home in Lakeside, we love it..... the kids really really love it!  The crazy things boys will do when given a big back yard never fails to amaze me!  This summer we had the 4 boys home all summer, it was great... they got along well and didn't have a moment of boredom!  Adam helped the boys make the first ever "Staley Family Ninja Training Course" in the yard.  First they made a 1/4 mile bike track, once they got good at riding that without crashing they decided to kick it up a notch by building a couple of jumps and a bridge that you ride up and across, that was just a gateway into the rest of the yard.  Next came a "Skywalk" which consists of cimbing a big tree, then 13 feet up in the air they took a 2X10 and attached it to 2 trees so you climb 1, walk across this board crazy high in the air, then climb down the other tree.  I guess climbing down took too long because it wasn't long before a rope swing was added, which they could take on the way down, then the trampoline got moved under the rope swing so they could jump off and (hopefully) land on the trampoline.  My dad came over and thought the kids were training for Circ. De Soli so he dared them to learn to bounce on the trampoline and land on a platform in the tree, it took Dylan no time to master this skill.  Of course the safety net on the trampoline had to come off in order for some of these tricks to work....  The boys got really into the show American Ninja Warrier and would watch it every week then spend the next few days trying to re-create the obstacles.  They made some contraption where they would run on these big rocks that were set at an angle and your feet could never touch the ground, then you have to jump up and grab onto a bar that was suspended by rope between 2 trees and swing out on that then jump off on the other side.... that worked well until the rope broke with a small boy on it, no worries, he had a few scrapes but was back up in minutes!  They would set up the garage with boxing bag, pull up bars, sit up area's, things to jump over and spend hours with the 4 of them going through this course. 

Dylan climbing the pegboard & Zander on the rope swing

 Aiden lounging and swinging

 Aidan W. chilling in the tree and Zander and Aiden T. snuggeling

Aidan W. swinging... looks like Tarzan to me, this is pre-haircut.... and here is the after shot 

My boys, I love them so much!!

Zander had 2 weeks of swimming lessons and actually learned to swim, I am so proud of that little guy! Aidan got a hair cut, thanks to the prompting of a certain cute girl he has eyes for, and looks fantastic! Adam studied hard and took the bar exam, and I got a promotion to office manager at the real estate office I work in. Dylan and Aiden Tanner took their 1st solo (almost solo, just the 2 of them, no adults) camping trip which made me nervous but they loved it! Zander also lost his 1st 3 teeth within a week of each other, he now has the cutest smile and the funniest lisp I have heard in many years! They sure are growing up fast!


There were a couple of events that kind of rocked our world in a not so good way, the day after mothers day Adam's dad went into the E.R. with what we thought was a back problem and we found out he had stage 4 renal cancer. Our hearts were broken at this news and only 5 weeks later he passed away. He was such an amazing man who would do anything in the world to help anyone he came across. He changed me so much as a person and taught me the skills that have me in a job I love today. I hope above all else that my kids all have fantasitc memories of their pop-pop who was so loved by all of them. My mom has also had a rough go of it health-wise, she has been in the E.R. 4 times this summer and is no longer able to work which I am sure has her pretty depressed. Aidan has decided that he can ride his bike to her house to visit her and keep her on her toes, and I think she enjoys that time with just him.

Next week the boys start school, 3 boys at 3 different schools, on 3 different time schedules..... wish me luck, I might need it!!

Moving home!

In only 1 more week my family will be back together, under 1 roof…. I am so excited!  We are moving back to Pinetop, well I have been back since the end of March, and Adam and the kids have been bring trailer loads of our stuff every weekend except for 2 weekends that I have gone back down to the valley.  We got an amazing house right across from Blue Ridge High School, and I got a great job that I absolutely love less than half a mile from home and it is going great!  Being apart has been hard, really really hard but it is almost over and I couldn’t pass up this job so in the long run it will be worth it.  The house is amazing the location is perfect and it is much bigger than what we have been living in for the last few years.  There is a guest room in the garage as well as a big loft where guests can stay so we have plenty of room for visitors!  We have 2 living rooms, which of course means that 1 is turned into a game room, we have a pool table set up and the salt water fish tank is in the process of being set up (I am so excited about that!!)  There is a Jacuzzi on the back porch and the boys wasted no time setting up the trampoline and a fire pit in close proximity to the back porch as well so we can have people by the fire, people in the Jacuzzi, and people on the trampoline all at the same time!  Our back yard is a popular place for deer to graze in the mornings, what an amazing site that is while having breakfast!  I think we all love this house and feel so at home in Pinetop, it is such a good feeling to be “home”

Aidan & Aidan April 2012

Last weekend I went to the valley for Aidan’s last band concert of the year, he did great!  The last song they played was party rock anthem and about half the kids had the guts to get up and dance for a little part of the song, Aidan was of course one of the most enthusiastic dancers in the group, he was so darn cute but so grown up at the same time.  He is turning into an amazing boy.  This sweet picture is of Aidan and Zander right before the concert, and and a cute shot of Zander at the park.

Aidan & Zander May 2012

Zander Sky

Oh the funny things you hear (and see) when you live with 3 boys and a husband!!

Warning, much of what I am about to share here is highly inappropriate, at least in my mind, but it is so funny that I can't help myself. I need a written account of these things to make me laugh in the future, and maybe to use against a boy or 2!





Zander is by far the easiest to start with because that boy is a crack up!! He is a darling, sweet, loving, little ball of laughs! Zander has said some pretty dang funny things, I want to remember them so here you go. We were running the Pat Tillman run last year in Tempe and I was pushing a 4 year old Zander in a jogging stroller. we passed a lady who was quite pregnant and Zander innocently asked me "mommy, does that lady have a baby in her tummy" I smiled at him and said that yes she did. We kept running and a while later we passed a lady who was on the large side, he again gave me the sweet look and instead of any question I might have been dreading he simply said "and that lady has her baby in her BUTT!" Needless to say I picked up the pace and prayed that the lady had not heard and didn't laugh at ALL until I was well out of earshot but man that was a funny one!


One day I came into the bathroom to check on Zander and he had all his clothes off and was sitting on the floor of the bathroom with his head down between his legs. I looked for a second, trying to figure out what on earth he might be doing before I asked him "Hey man, whatcha doing there" to which he very seriously replied "mom, I just found out my penis has its own brain!!" All I could say was WOW!! Zander is at this great age where at 5 he is fully involved in school and friends, but he is also a lover, there is nothing he loves more than to snuggle. Weekend mornings he is almost always in my bad by 5:30 or 6, he will knock at the door and ask us if he can come snuggle us, he gets right in there with his dad and I.... he likes to have at least 1 of his body parts touching each of us, and as soon as he has that he will be back asleep in seconds! He also loves to snuggle on Dylan, he fell asleep last night on Dylan in what we call Koala pose, he will lay on you stomach to stomach and wrap his legs around your stomach and arms around your neck. I am quite sure Dylan has never been snuggled as much in his life as he has in the past 6 months living with Zander!





Aidan is funny in his own way, he as come into his own identity this last year. He loves his hear long and he loves anything to do with music. He sings alot, he dances almost as much. He doensn't get so upset anymore about being teased, he told me that he knew that if he was going to be different from the mainstream 12 year old boy people were going to make fun of him and he chooses to be different and put up with the teasing rather than try to be like everyone else. I really love that attitude! Aidan is ALWAYS happy to help around the house, he we ask him to do a chore he will do it and do it with a smile. Aidan is super smart but is lacking a bit in the "street sense" area. He likes to use big words and phrases but sometimes doesn't stop to find out the true meaning.... one such incident was when he had a girl at school who had a bit of a crush on him. She asked a friend to tell Aidan that she wanted to be his girlfriend, and instead of telling the friend he wasn't into that idea he decided to "be extra nice and talk to the girl himself" I think that was super sweet but when he told me what he actually said to the girl I think time just stopped for me. He was talking to me and said he went right up to her and said "I really like you but I'm not ready to make love with anyone yet" Yep, he said he wasn't ready to make love.... I asked him to repeat to me exactly what he had said and that was it. I asked him what he meant by make love and he said "you know, get married and be together forever, maybe even have kids someday".... WOW!!! When I told him that he had actually told this girl he just wasn't quite ready at the age of 11 to have sex with her he almost died. His face just dropped and he sat there just waiting for me to tell him I was joking.... wow was he embarrassed!

Dylan in himself is just a barrel of laughs, its hard to describe what it is that makes Dylan so funny, but he keeps our whole family in hysterics. The 1st time I saw him drink a Monster energy drink and he would not walk around the house anymore, he did somersaults from his room to the couch and ran around with his head down like he was a human battering ram.... Him and Adam wrestle all the time and even though the are both getting hurt it makes me laugh so much my stomach hurts! Dylan gets hyper around bed time and wants dad to play with him... he is a 16 year old ball of energy at this time, he follows us around and tried to get his dad to play with him, or watch tv with him.... any attention will do! He has been known to use one of Zander's toy swords and jam it in our bedroom door when Adam tries to close it.... over and over! Sometimes the only way to get rid of the kid is for his dad to say "Ok, I'm taking my clothes off now so leave!" The amount of "That's what she said" and "Your mama" jokes has increased for sure but life is about fun, and fun is what we are having around here lately!

grattitude

I am so grateful for my life right now. I feel so blessed by the people I have close to me for many many reasons but I have one story in particular I wanted to share. I have been stressed about finances during the Christmas season before but this year I was beyond that, I was defeated. There was no reason to be stressed because we just didn't have the means to go into debt for Christmas, and we just didn't have money to buy presents, so I was defeated and I was sad. I had resigned myself to the fact that our kids were going to get very very little. I didn't talk to anyone about this, I didn't complain or whine, in fact I didn't want anyone to know and feel sorry for me so I just put on a happy face.

About 2 weeks before Christmas we were playing a board game after dinner and had a knock at the door, it was 3 men from our church caroling, it was really nice. They brought us some delicious treats and a card and gave us a great reason to smile, they also gave us a 2Nd card and said it was from the bishopric of the church. I put the 2 cards aside and we finished our game and ate our treats. A little while later I went to hang the cards up and when I opened the one from the bishopric instead of a card it contained money, enough to buy each of our kids a couple of presents. My eyes filled with tears and I quickly went into the bedroom and called Adam in to show him where the kids couldn't see me crying. I told him that I had never in my life been the recipient of such a generous act of random kindness before and the feeling of just being loved was overwhelming. We hadn't told anyone that we were having so much trouble and that Christmas was going to be so hard, they just knew somehow and decided on their own that we deserved to be helped when we had never even hinted that we wanted help.... these people couldn't have known that we have no credit cards to charge presents on or parents that can buy tons of gifts for our kids but they decided that we deserved this gift. I am still just so touched.
As if that wasn't enough 2 days before Christmas we had another knock at the door, this time it was a stranger, he said I know you have no idea who I am but I was asked to deliver this and handed me a box of wrapped gifts with the names of the 3 boys that live here on the gifts, there was even one for the entire family and 1 each marked mom and dad. The tags say from Santa, someone went out and purchased gifts for my entire family, and then without even wanting credit for this good deed sent them over as a surprise!!! I have no idea who to thank other than god! I can't even put into words how I am feeling, I wish I knew who did these things so I could thank them.... my husband and I decided that for sure when we are on our feet this is something that we would like to do for someone during the holidays! Paying it forward is the best thing I can think of to do!!

Of course I am grateful for the non-material things in my life as well, we are doing great as a family, Dylan living with us has been great and I love having my family together. I am so thankful that I have a job and can keep busy right now but this gift just brought to the front of my mind how nice people can be!

Custody case is over! A Late update ;)

I know that I have friends and family that have been asking about the custody update, and I have given them bits and pieces, promising a full explanation as soon as possible.... I have been a slacker with this but finally decided to just get it done.

So here is my disclaimer: To my Ex-Husband and anyone who gets upset when I mention him............. you should stop reading right now because this post is all about the court battle we went through over the last year when he wanted to take custody of our son from me. This is my blog and is written from my point of view. I am not trying to slam anyone here, just give the facts from my point of view, so if reading will upset you please just move on to something else at this point. Thank You! :)

Most of you know the background but I will fill it in real quickly. In 2007 Aidan's dad was arrested for beating up his stepson. I know this resulted in some time in jail and a felony conviction (I don't know if it was child abuse or domestic violence) and the loss of his teaching licence. I know it was a hard time for him in many ways but I didn't know much other than he was in jail for beating up a child, and my son was a witness to this beating. Using that information I went to the courthouse and got our joint custody order changed to me having sole physical and legal custody and his father being allowed supervised visits. We stuck to this for a while allowing Aidan's dad to visit him at our home or meeting him at a park or something until Aidan, Adam, and I all felt comfortable that Ryan was stable enough to resume overnight visits. These visits remained in effect for a couple of years, sometimes Aidan would feel uncomfortable and would ask to not go for a certain visit, or to come home early, and I insisted we abide by those feelings that I thought were very important coming from a boy who had been through so much.

In the summer of 2010 I made a decision to take the boys up to Arkansas for a while and see if I could put things on my end of life back on track, that was around the same time that the felony conviction Ryan had was getting close to dropping down to a misdemeanor. He decided to bypass all communication with me and just go to the courts and try to get sole custody of Aidan, not joint custody, he wanted to go for it all. I came back to Arizona right away since that is the one thing the initial judge had a problem with. The boys and I stayed with my parents for a while I got a few things sorted out and in December we moved back in with the love of my life, Adam, and were all happy to have our family back together.

Court took forever, we waited and waited and finally in June had a hearing. Prior to that Aidan was able to go in for a private interview where he talked with a caseworker about his thoughts and desires on the case. The hearing was hard, I was terrified, I needed Adam to keep Aidan and Zander who were both scared they would be separated, so I was on my own. Ryan came in with his wife and his mother, neither of who like me much and it shows..... I had to work hard to keep my confidence but I think I did ok.

I went in there offering to give Ryan joint custody with a very fair visitation schedule made up. The judge never even asked to see that schedule. Ryan wanted sole custody of Aidan giving me reasonable visits until the time that my family may move back to the white mountains (which Ryan has always known was the plan, before he moved down here) at that point he had it so that Aidan would stay with him and see me very little due to school and distance with the way Ryan wanted it. Aidan was really upset by this idea, he has always thought his home is with me, even though we have moved more than we liked we have stayed a family and His dad has had and lost 2 stepmom's with siblings for Aidan in just a few years and just last year introduced family #4. Aidan is very nervous about loving people who might be out of his life in the future as has happened a lot before.... this is one of many reasons he feels "safe" with our family (in this context I am saying emotionally safe)

So we went to court, we made our arguments, lots of dirt was brought up on both sides. I volunteered to give Ryan Joint Custody and also to take random drug tests because Ryan was worried that I might still be taking some prescription drugs that did strange things to my mind. Ryan stuck with wanting custody of Aidan, he really wanted final say on all legal, medical, religious, and educational decisions. He provided a long letter to the judge stating why he beat up a 14 year old boy in 2007 and how he really shouldn't be held responsible for the events of that night. (the final decision states "Father's written explanation of what happened in exhibit 29 (Police Report) was not the least bit persuasive to this court, and tried to convey the message that due to the boy's misbehavior, Father's reaction was somehow reasonable"
He provided a statement to the judge about child support stating that it really shouldn't be a big deal that he hadn't paid in 3 months because The State would take his taxes and give them to me so I could just wait.... as if I can wait on the expenses I have to pay to raise our child until tax refund time.... whatever! Ryan's outward hatred for me was very clear, as was his lack of respect for his obligation to pay child support. Luckily, he made his opinions very well known to the court, and the judge responded appropriately in the best interest of Aidan.

The decision finally came in and while I was fully expecting it to be the joint custody I had offered I had a little fear, and Aidan did as well. The order was this:
"The Court Finds that it is in the child's best interests for Mother to be awarded sole custody
It is further ordered that mother shall have sole legal custody of the child
Father is to have parenting time every other weekend and on a holiday schedule."
I feel like I got what was fair and am totally happy with what happened, I wish we didn't have to go through the whole thing but am so glad it is over. I find it frustrating that Ryan got significantly less than I had offered him throughout the past year, and it seems his stubborness backfired on him. Maybe he will realize that his feelings toward me should not taint his relationship with Aidan, but so far he has not been able to do it. I am thankful I had Adam to help guide me though representing myself for the last half of the mess and saving a TON of money!

Sorry it took so long to update you all, I love you, thank you for all your support during this previously stressful time in my life!

Life changing moments....

This year has been full of them, most of the ones in the last 7 months have been really good changes.
2 weeks ago my oldest stepson, Dylan who is 15 moved in with us. At first I wasn't sure what to expect, our house was already pretty cramped, Adam is gone most of the time with school, I wasn't sure how he would feel about the close quarters with Aidan and Zander but I have to say that Dylan moving in has been one of the best things to happen to our family in years. He fit in from day one as if he had been living with us all along. He is amazing with Zander.... his patience is never ending. If Zander wants to play some silly game or just sit and make faces at each other Dylan is his man! Adam is so happy to finally have one of his older kids back in his home full time. Dylan is such a good kid, he is always willing to help around the house, with a smile... no matter what we ask him to do. He is happy and he is fun to be around. I really think having him here has bonded my husband and me.... our whole family, even stronger than we were before. Zander is in heaven having his big brother around and Aidan is over the moon... Dylan has always been his idol!

Today Adam is finishing his last class of law school.... HE IS DONE!!! I am so proud and happy for him! He can't take the bar until Feb. but to have the pressure of law school off his shoulders is such a huge thing! I am feeling good and starting to look for a job. the 3 boys start school in early August, my baby is going to Kindergarten, how did that happen???

Our house is a happy and peaceful place right now and I am so so thankful. I am confident that Dylan's move will change the lives of everyone in this family for the better!

He's a whole hand now!

Today Zander, my very last baby, turns five! I can't believe that 5 years have gone by in the blink of an eye. He has changed before our eyes from a perfect sweet little baby who wanted nothing more than to be loved and held into a smart independent big boy who will still pick being loved and snuggled over most things :)

My pregnancy with Zander was amazing, we were all so excited to be bringing him into our family. Adam and I were so happy to have a child who would never have to go off for a visit with another parent, we missed our other kids so much when they were gone and it was so exciting to have a little bit of a distraction to fill the void when they were gone. The boys were happy to be getting a little brother..... Lyndsay was initially disappointed that Zander was a boy and not the sister she had been hoping for but then she came upon the bit of wisdom that if he was a boy she would forever remain daddy's one and only little girl, and she kinda liked that!

Lyndsay has always been a girl who is beyond her years and at the age of 12 she was very involved in the pregnancy. She was on conference call for the ultrasound to find out the sex since she was in California at the time, she was constantly telling me not to carry things, or lift, or skip meals.... it was like having a midwife watching me whenever she was there! I loved it. She loved to rub my belly and get Zander to kick, we could lay in my bed talking and playing with my belly for so long in the evenings. After getting special permission from her mom it was decided that Lyndsay would be in the room with Adam and I for the birth. Zander was actually due on June 19th and Lyndsay was supposed to come for the summer sometime around June 10th, should have been no problem, but as she was visiting for labor day my Dr. told me he could come at any time and we got a bit worried. Lyndsay started taking me on long daily walks, jumping on the trampoline, eating spicy foods together..... we were getting quite worried that she might miss the birth and that would just be sad. 2 days before she was supposed to leave we decided to give Castor oil a try but nothing seemed to happen.... we kind of gave up and Adam and I decided to take all 4 kids to the movies for some fun. About 1/2 hour into the movie the contractions started but after paying for 6 movie tickets we were staying for that dang movie! I spent most of it in the hall or bathroom and when it was over we went right to the hospital with all the kids in tow.... I'm sure we were quite the sight! Lynz and I were so excited, the baby was coming and she was going to be here to see it! We got checked in to the hospital and grandma came to pick up the boys for the night.

The birth didn't go quite as planned, in fact I had to have a C-section so Lyndsay had to wait in the hall but she was a trooper and was still one of the first to see her little brother, and was there for me from the time we went in to the hospital and after the baby was born. She was amazing!

Zander had to spend a few days under oxygen to help his lungs but was otherwise perfect. Since we could only touch and rub his body but not really hold him for those days the minute he was released he was held 24/7, and he loved it! He turned into the baby that just wanted human contact at all times, and he had a mommy and daddy who were happy to give it to him!

He grew up so fast, I don't know how old he was but I know that other than mama and dada his first words were "DILWAY" (Dylan" which was always yelled" "SIS" which was Lynz and "Show-ay" which was shower. Those words summed up his favorite things.

Daddy Loved to pose him in things like pots and baskets of apples..... the favorite I think was the tiny tents set up at camping stores, Daddy loved to put the baby anywere a baby wouldn't normally be found.... that's my hunny... that's why we love him!

Now at 5 Zander has actual friends, he gets invited over to people's houses.... without me! He is excited about starting school this year, he is growing up and I am so very proud of him..... and so happy that he still starts every day with snuggle time with mommy and daddy if he is home, just 10 minutes of laying together and hugging and talking about how we slept starts his day off in the right direction and I love that about my boy!

Happy Birthday Zander Boy, no matter how big you get you will always be my baby!