Time for school!

Today is the first day back at school for my kiddos, Zander is in 1st grade, Aidan started Jr. High (how did he get so dang big!!) and Dylan started his Junior year in high school.  Aidan was by far the most excited to go back to school, he loves school and I love that!  They are all 3 starting a new school this year, so it will be an adjustment but one of Aidan's best friends from Mesa actally moved up here over the summer and will not only be going to the same school as him but is also living less than a mile from our house!  That was very exciting news for him!  I had to surpress my motherly desires and not follow them in to the schools to get 1st day of school pics but I did manage to snap a couple of Aidan and Zander when we were leaving this morning, Dylan wasn't with us so I just got the 2 of them but I am adding a great picture of Dylan and his dad here just because they are so handsome :)

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I love the way Zander looks up at Aidan with that loving look.... I just love those boys so much!









Zander is off to first grade,
Aidan to 7th....... AHHH Junior High!!!











I am so happy to have finally got a normal smile out of Dylan, (and him and his dad look great together!) he either makes a goofie face or..... makes a goofy face when I try to take his picture, which I guess is true Dylan!  He makes us laugh every day.  I really love that boy and am so glad to have him in my family!  He is a chip off the old block so he got a ton of amazing traits from my perfect husband (Can you tell I love him very much to!)






When I came home from orientation with Aidan last night this is how I found Zander... I wonder who helped him get up there!!

Summer Time

This summer has been super busy, mostly good, and gone by way too fast!
We got moved into our new home in Lakeside, we love it..... the kids really really love it!  The crazy things boys will do when given a big back yard never fails to amaze me!  This summer we had the 4 boys home all summer, it was great... they got along well and didn't have a moment of boredom!  Adam helped the boys make the first ever "Staley Family Ninja Training Course" in the yard.  First they made a 1/4 mile bike track, once they got good at riding that without crashing they decided to kick it up a notch by building a couple of jumps and a bridge that you ride up and across, that was just a gateway into the rest of the yard.  Next came a "Skywalk" which consists of cimbing a big tree, then 13 feet up in the air they took a 2X10 and attached it to 2 trees so you climb 1, walk across this board crazy high in the air, then climb down the other tree.  I guess climbing down took too long because it wasn't long before a rope swing was added, which they could take on the way down, then the trampoline got moved under the rope swing so they could jump off and (hopefully) land on the trampoline.  My dad came over and thought the kids were training for Circ. De Soli so he dared them to learn to bounce on the trampoline and land on a platform in the tree, it took Dylan no time to master this skill.  Of course the safety net on the trampoline had to come off in order for some of these tricks to work....  The boys got really into the show American Ninja Warrier and would watch it every week then spend the next few days trying to re-create the obstacles.  They made some contraption where they would run on these big rocks that were set at an angle and your feet could never touch the ground, then you have to jump up and grab onto a bar that was suspended by rope between 2 trees and swing out on that then jump off on the other side.... that worked well until the rope broke with a small boy on it, no worries, he had a few scrapes but was back up in minutes!  They would set up the garage with boxing bag, pull up bars, sit up area's, things to jump over and spend hours with the 4 of them going through this course. 

Dylan climbing the pegboard & Zander on the rope swing

 Aiden lounging and swinging

 Aidan W. chilling in the tree and Zander and Aiden T. snuggeling

Aidan W. swinging... looks like Tarzan to me, this is pre-haircut.... and here is the after shot 

My boys, I love them so much!!

Zander had 2 weeks of swimming lessons and actually learned to swim, I am so proud of that little guy! Aidan got a hair cut, thanks to the prompting of a certain cute girl he has eyes for, and looks fantastic! Adam studied hard and took the bar exam, and I got a promotion to office manager at the real estate office I work in. Dylan and Aiden Tanner took their 1st solo (almost solo, just the 2 of them, no adults) camping trip which made me nervous but they loved it! Zander also lost his 1st 3 teeth within a week of each other, he now has the cutest smile and the funniest lisp I have heard in many years! They sure are growing up fast!


There were a couple of events that kind of rocked our world in a not so good way, the day after mothers day Adam's dad went into the E.R. with what we thought was a back problem and we found out he had stage 4 renal cancer. Our hearts were broken at this news and only 5 weeks later he passed away. He was such an amazing man who would do anything in the world to help anyone he came across. He changed me so much as a person and taught me the skills that have me in a job I love today. I hope above all else that my kids all have fantasitc memories of their pop-pop who was so loved by all of them. My mom has also had a rough go of it health-wise, she has been in the E.R. 4 times this summer and is no longer able to work which I am sure has her pretty depressed. Aidan has decided that he can ride his bike to her house to visit her and keep her on her toes, and I think she enjoys that time with just him.

Next week the boys start school, 3 boys at 3 different schools, on 3 different time schedules..... wish me luck, I might need it!!

Moving home!

In only 1 more week my family will be back together, under 1 roof…. I am so excited!  We are moving back to Pinetop, well I have been back since the end of March, and Adam and the kids have been bring trailer loads of our stuff every weekend except for 2 weekends that I have gone back down to the valley.  We got an amazing house right across from Blue Ridge High School, and I got a great job that I absolutely love less than half a mile from home and it is going great!  Being apart has been hard, really really hard but it is almost over and I couldn’t pass up this job so in the long run it will be worth it.  The house is amazing the location is perfect and it is much bigger than what we have been living in for the last few years.  There is a guest room in the garage as well as a big loft where guests can stay so we have plenty of room for visitors!  We have 2 living rooms, which of course means that 1 is turned into a game room, we have a pool table set up and the salt water fish tank is in the process of being set up (I am so excited about that!!)  There is a Jacuzzi on the back porch and the boys wasted no time setting up the trampoline and a fire pit in close proximity to the back porch as well so we can have people by the fire, people in the Jacuzzi, and people on the trampoline all at the same time!  Our back yard is a popular place for deer to graze in the mornings, what an amazing site that is while having breakfast!  I think we all love this house and feel so at home in Pinetop, it is such a good feeling to be “home”

Aidan & Aidan April 2012

Last weekend I went to the valley for Aidan’s last band concert of the year, he did great!  The last song they played was party rock anthem and about half the kids had the guts to get up and dance for a little part of the song, Aidan was of course one of the most enthusiastic dancers in the group, he was so darn cute but so grown up at the same time.  He is turning into an amazing boy.  This sweet picture is of Aidan and Zander right before the concert, and and a cute shot of Zander at the park.

Aidan & Zander May 2012

Zander Sky

Oh the funny things you hear (and see) when you live with 3 boys and a husband!!

Warning, much of what I am about to share here is highly inappropriate, at least in my mind, but it is so funny that I can't help myself. I need a written account of these things to make me laugh in the future, and maybe to use against a boy or 2!





Zander is by far the easiest to start with because that boy is a crack up!! He is a darling, sweet, loving, little ball of laughs! Zander has said some pretty dang funny things, I want to remember them so here you go. We were running the Pat Tillman run last year in Tempe and I was pushing a 4 year old Zander in a jogging stroller. we passed a lady who was quite pregnant and Zander innocently asked me "mommy, does that lady have a baby in her tummy" I smiled at him and said that yes she did. We kept running and a while later we passed a lady who was on the large side, he again gave me the sweet look and instead of any question I might have been dreading he simply said "and that lady has her baby in her BUTT!" Needless to say I picked up the pace and prayed that the lady had not heard and didn't laugh at ALL until I was well out of earshot but man that was a funny one!


One day I came into the bathroom to check on Zander and he had all his clothes off and was sitting on the floor of the bathroom with his head down between his legs. I looked for a second, trying to figure out what on earth he might be doing before I asked him "Hey man, whatcha doing there" to which he very seriously replied "mom, I just found out my penis has its own brain!!" All I could say was WOW!! Zander is at this great age where at 5 he is fully involved in school and friends, but he is also a lover, there is nothing he loves more than to snuggle. Weekend mornings he is almost always in my bad by 5:30 or 6, he will knock at the door and ask us if he can come snuggle us, he gets right in there with his dad and I.... he likes to have at least 1 of his body parts touching each of us, and as soon as he has that he will be back asleep in seconds! He also loves to snuggle on Dylan, he fell asleep last night on Dylan in what we call Koala pose, he will lay on you stomach to stomach and wrap his legs around your stomach and arms around your neck. I am quite sure Dylan has never been snuggled as much in his life as he has in the past 6 months living with Zander!





Aidan is funny in his own way, he as come into his own identity this last year. He loves his hear long and he loves anything to do with music. He sings alot, he dances almost as much. He doensn't get so upset anymore about being teased, he told me that he knew that if he was going to be different from the mainstream 12 year old boy people were going to make fun of him and he chooses to be different and put up with the teasing rather than try to be like everyone else. I really love that attitude! Aidan is ALWAYS happy to help around the house, he we ask him to do a chore he will do it and do it with a smile. Aidan is super smart but is lacking a bit in the "street sense" area. He likes to use big words and phrases but sometimes doesn't stop to find out the true meaning.... one such incident was when he had a girl at school who had a bit of a crush on him. She asked a friend to tell Aidan that she wanted to be his girlfriend, and instead of telling the friend he wasn't into that idea he decided to "be extra nice and talk to the girl himself" I think that was super sweet but when he told me what he actually said to the girl I think time just stopped for me. He was talking to me and said he went right up to her and said "I really like you but I'm not ready to make love with anyone yet" Yep, he said he wasn't ready to make love.... I asked him to repeat to me exactly what he had said and that was it. I asked him what he meant by make love and he said "you know, get married and be together forever, maybe even have kids someday".... WOW!!! When I told him that he had actually told this girl he just wasn't quite ready at the age of 11 to have sex with her he almost died. His face just dropped and he sat there just waiting for me to tell him I was joking.... wow was he embarrassed!

Dylan in himself is just a barrel of laughs, its hard to describe what it is that makes Dylan so funny, but he keeps our whole family in hysterics. The 1st time I saw him drink a Monster energy drink and he would not walk around the house anymore, he did somersaults from his room to the couch and ran around with his head down like he was a human battering ram.... Him and Adam wrestle all the time and even though the are both getting hurt it makes me laugh so much my stomach hurts! Dylan gets hyper around bed time and wants dad to play with him... he is a 16 year old ball of energy at this time, he follows us around and tried to get his dad to play with him, or watch tv with him.... any attention will do! He has been known to use one of Zander's toy swords and jam it in our bedroom door when Adam tries to close it.... over and over! Sometimes the only way to get rid of the kid is for his dad to say "Ok, I'm taking my clothes off now so leave!" The amount of "That's what she said" and "Your mama" jokes has increased for sure but life is about fun, and fun is what we are having around here lately!

grattitude

I am so grateful for my life right now. I feel so blessed by the people I have close to me for many many reasons but I have one story in particular I wanted to share. I have been stressed about finances during the Christmas season before but this year I was beyond that, I was defeated. There was no reason to be stressed because we just didn't have the means to go into debt for Christmas, and we just didn't have money to buy presents, so I was defeated and I was sad. I had resigned myself to the fact that our kids were going to get very very little. I didn't talk to anyone about this, I didn't complain or whine, in fact I didn't want anyone to know and feel sorry for me so I just put on a happy face.

About 2 weeks before Christmas we were playing a board game after dinner and had a knock at the door, it was 3 men from our church caroling, it was really nice. They brought us some delicious treats and a card and gave us a great reason to smile, they also gave us a 2Nd card and said it was from the bishopric of the church. I put the 2 cards aside and we finished our game and ate our treats. A little while later I went to hang the cards up and when I opened the one from the bishopric instead of a card it contained money, enough to buy each of our kids a couple of presents. My eyes filled with tears and I quickly went into the bedroom and called Adam in to show him where the kids couldn't see me crying. I told him that I had never in my life been the recipient of such a generous act of random kindness before and the feeling of just being loved was overwhelming. We hadn't told anyone that we were having so much trouble and that Christmas was going to be so hard, they just knew somehow and decided on their own that we deserved to be helped when we had never even hinted that we wanted help.... these people couldn't have known that we have no credit cards to charge presents on or parents that can buy tons of gifts for our kids but they decided that we deserved this gift. I am still just so touched.
As if that wasn't enough 2 days before Christmas we had another knock at the door, this time it was a stranger, he said I know you have no idea who I am but I was asked to deliver this and handed me a box of wrapped gifts with the names of the 3 boys that live here on the gifts, there was even one for the entire family and 1 each marked mom and dad. The tags say from Santa, someone went out and purchased gifts for my entire family, and then without even wanting credit for this good deed sent them over as a surprise!!! I have no idea who to thank other than god! I can't even put into words how I am feeling, I wish I knew who did these things so I could thank them.... my husband and I decided that for sure when we are on our feet this is something that we would like to do for someone during the holidays! Paying it forward is the best thing I can think of to do!!

Of course I am grateful for the non-material things in my life as well, we are doing great as a family, Dylan living with us has been great and I love having my family together. I am so thankful that I have a job and can keep busy right now but this gift just brought to the front of my mind how nice people can be!

Custody case is over! A Late update ;)

I know that I have friends and family that have been asking about the custody update, and I have given them bits and pieces, promising a full explanation as soon as possible.... I have been a slacker with this but finally decided to just get it done.

So here is my disclaimer: To my Ex-Husband and anyone who gets upset when I mention him............. you should stop reading right now because this post is all about the court battle we went through over the last year when he wanted to take custody of our son from me. This is my blog and is written from my point of view. I am not trying to slam anyone here, just give the facts from my point of view, so if reading will upset you please just move on to something else at this point. Thank You! :)

Most of you know the background but I will fill it in real quickly. In 2007 Aidan's dad was arrested for beating up his stepson. I know this resulted in some time in jail and a felony conviction (I don't know if it was child abuse or domestic violence) and the loss of his teaching licence. I know it was a hard time for him in many ways but I didn't know much other than he was in jail for beating up a child, and my son was a witness to this beating. Using that information I went to the courthouse and got our joint custody order changed to me having sole physical and legal custody and his father being allowed supervised visits. We stuck to this for a while allowing Aidan's dad to visit him at our home or meeting him at a park or something until Aidan, Adam, and I all felt comfortable that Ryan was stable enough to resume overnight visits. These visits remained in effect for a couple of years, sometimes Aidan would feel uncomfortable and would ask to not go for a certain visit, or to come home early, and I insisted we abide by those feelings that I thought were very important coming from a boy who had been through so much.

In the summer of 2010 I made a decision to take the boys up to Arkansas for a while and see if I could put things on my end of life back on track, that was around the same time that the felony conviction Ryan had was getting close to dropping down to a misdemeanor. He decided to bypass all communication with me and just go to the courts and try to get sole custody of Aidan, not joint custody, he wanted to go for it all. I came back to Arizona right away since that is the one thing the initial judge had a problem with. The boys and I stayed with my parents for a while I got a few things sorted out and in December we moved back in with the love of my life, Adam, and were all happy to have our family back together.

Court took forever, we waited and waited and finally in June had a hearing. Prior to that Aidan was able to go in for a private interview where he talked with a caseworker about his thoughts and desires on the case. The hearing was hard, I was terrified, I needed Adam to keep Aidan and Zander who were both scared they would be separated, so I was on my own. Ryan came in with his wife and his mother, neither of who like me much and it shows..... I had to work hard to keep my confidence but I think I did ok.

I went in there offering to give Ryan joint custody with a very fair visitation schedule made up. The judge never even asked to see that schedule. Ryan wanted sole custody of Aidan giving me reasonable visits until the time that my family may move back to the white mountains (which Ryan has always known was the plan, before he moved down here) at that point he had it so that Aidan would stay with him and see me very little due to school and distance with the way Ryan wanted it. Aidan was really upset by this idea, he has always thought his home is with me, even though we have moved more than we liked we have stayed a family and His dad has had and lost 2 stepmom's with siblings for Aidan in just a few years and just last year introduced family #4. Aidan is very nervous about loving people who might be out of his life in the future as has happened a lot before.... this is one of many reasons he feels "safe" with our family (in this context I am saying emotionally safe)

So we went to court, we made our arguments, lots of dirt was brought up on both sides. I volunteered to give Ryan Joint Custody and also to take random drug tests because Ryan was worried that I might still be taking some prescription drugs that did strange things to my mind. Ryan stuck with wanting custody of Aidan, he really wanted final say on all legal, medical, religious, and educational decisions. He provided a long letter to the judge stating why he beat up a 14 year old boy in 2007 and how he really shouldn't be held responsible for the events of that night. (the final decision states "Father's written explanation of what happened in exhibit 29 (Police Report) was not the least bit persuasive to this court, and tried to convey the message that due to the boy's misbehavior, Father's reaction was somehow reasonable"
He provided a statement to the judge about child support stating that it really shouldn't be a big deal that he hadn't paid in 3 months because The State would take his taxes and give them to me so I could just wait.... as if I can wait on the expenses I have to pay to raise our child until tax refund time.... whatever! Ryan's outward hatred for me was very clear, as was his lack of respect for his obligation to pay child support. Luckily, he made his opinions very well known to the court, and the judge responded appropriately in the best interest of Aidan.

The decision finally came in and while I was fully expecting it to be the joint custody I had offered I had a little fear, and Aidan did as well. The order was this:
"The Court Finds that it is in the child's best interests for Mother to be awarded sole custody
It is further ordered that mother shall have sole legal custody of the child
Father is to have parenting time every other weekend and on a holiday schedule."
I feel like I got what was fair and am totally happy with what happened, I wish we didn't have to go through the whole thing but am so glad it is over. I find it frustrating that Ryan got significantly less than I had offered him throughout the past year, and it seems his stubborness backfired on him. Maybe he will realize that his feelings toward me should not taint his relationship with Aidan, but so far he has not been able to do it. I am thankful I had Adam to help guide me though representing myself for the last half of the mess and saving a TON of money!

Sorry it took so long to update you all, I love you, thank you for all your support during this previously stressful time in my life!

Life changing moments....

This year has been full of them, most of the ones in the last 7 months have been really good changes.
2 weeks ago my oldest stepson, Dylan who is 15 moved in with us. At first I wasn't sure what to expect, our house was already pretty cramped, Adam is gone most of the time with school, I wasn't sure how he would feel about the close quarters with Aidan and Zander but I have to say that Dylan moving in has been one of the best things to happen to our family in years. He fit in from day one as if he had been living with us all along. He is amazing with Zander.... his patience is never ending. If Zander wants to play some silly game or just sit and make faces at each other Dylan is his man! Adam is so happy to finally have one of his older kids back in his home full time. Dylan is such a good kid, he is always willing to help around the house, with a smile... no matter what we ask him to do. He is happy and he is fun to be around. I really think having him here has bonded my husband and me.... our whole family, even stronger than we were before. Zander is in heaven having his big brother around and Aidan is over the moon... Dylan has always been his idol!

Today Adam is finishing his last class of law school.... HE IS DONE!!! I am so proud and happy for him! He can't take the bar until Feb. but to have the pressure of law school off his shoulders is such a huge thing! I am feeling good and starting to look for a job. the 3 boys start school in early August, my baby is going to Kindergarten, how did that happen???

Our house is a happy and peaceful place right now and I am so so thankful. I am confident that Dylan's move will change the lives of everyone in this family for the better!