I blinked and just like that

My little angel baby Aidan is a full fledged self proclaimed tween! I swear it was an overnight transformation. Last week he was acting nerdy with the other neighborhood boys and now he has a strut to his step. You see there is a girl, a really cute girl, and he is head over heals. It is so strange to see Aidan act awkward around a girl, he has always just been his goofy self no matter who is around, but this girl he wants to impress.... and its mutual. She has brought him little gifts to our door with nervous giggles, dragged her friends up to the door and pointed him out and say "Look, that's Aidan" and according to my "IN" with the young crowd in the neighborhood Aidan has "The hair" that I guess is sought after these days and that is what ultimately won her over. The other day walking home from school they stopped to talk in front of our house (she lives 3 houses down) and Adam actually had to say so Aidan, maybe you should offer to walk her home. As I was thinking how cute it was I realized that no matter how cute the "I'm in love" face is it means that he is going to either hurt or be hurt, and with the way Aidan loves and attaches to people and animals I am betting he will be the one who is hurt. I hate to think about my little boy going through heartbreak, it hurts me to think about it!

For now I am marveling at how in such a short time my little guy has gone from the Pokemon nerd to a boy who wants to shower and make his hair look cool, and even put on deodorant (Still not into matching his outfits but I guess that would be asking alot ! ;) He is planning now to buy her a present with his allowance instead of buying more bey blades or Pokemon. I dare say he is growing up before my eyes. I am also well aware that I am very lucky that he still considers boys kissing girls to be totally gross and I will continue to remind him of just how gross it is for as long as I can! I guess I have to admit his hair is looking pretty cool these days ! ;)

8 years ago I got the best thing ever

I know this post is a day late, I am a slacker, what can I say!
Adam and I have been married for 8 awesome years now. We never did the whole big wedding thing, in fact we never did a wedding at all. We got married by the accountant who had done Adam's taxes and been a friend for years. We went in to get his taxes done and had him marry us with his office staff as witnesses afterwards (He was also a bishop) We decided not to tell anyone until after we were actually married to avoid any sort of stress over who to invite or have there. We took our kids out to dinner at Denny's after the "Wedding" and told them we were officially married, called our parents and were done with it! We took some pictures in the back yard with all our kids and sent out announcements. We were as happy as can be! Adam told me our honeymoon was a surprise, it was March in Show Low and cold but he told me to pack for warm weather so I was sure we would be spending a week in the valley.... no kids at a nice resort in the sun, I was so excited! He planned every detail, told me nothing, at some point he let my parents in on the secret and there was alot of elbowing and smiling as we were getting ready to go.... I thought this must be a REALLY nice resort we were going to! The day came and we left, sure enough we checked in to the double tree resort in Phoenix, it was nice! He took me to Ruth's Chris for dinner then told me not to unpack more than clothes for the next morning because we were going somewhere else the next morning. At this point I was VERY confused! We got up bright and early and went to the airport of all places. Having never traveled farther than California I was pretty dang excited but I had No Clue what was coming, and he was giving no hints at all. He had this great smile, he knew he had pulled off this awesome surprise, he had me! We strolled around the airport, past all the terminals, he said "Let me go and ask what terminal we should check in at, and walked up to a counter, I stood there and he pulled my hand and smiled... I looked up and he was headed to Hawaiian Airlines, I was starting to get an idea but thinking there was no way.. he pulled my hand over to the counter and told the lady we were checking in. I think I dropped my bag and said "No way, we are going to Hawaii!" He laughed at me and hugged me. It was the best surprise, I still can't believe he pulled it off, we flew to Hawaii and had the most romantic honeymoon I can imagine. We fell deeply in love with Hawaii and even more in love with each other. We have been back to Hawaii 4 times, almost moved there, our heart know we belong there, we are whole in Hawaii. I never in a million years thought I would even visit an island, Hawaii was a distant dream, now Hawaii is the definition of Adam and I, barefoot on the beach!

I got so much more than Hawaii of course, Adam is a great husband, he has given me a great life, a great family. I love him more than I ever thought I could love. I am so happy I found him, and that he has managed to put up with all of what I have brought him in the 8 years we have been together. I look forward to many many more years and adventures with the love of my life. There is never a dull moment with Adam around, that's for sure!
I love you baby!
xoxoxo
Jen

Modifying

I have come to a crossroads with Aidan lately, not in a good way. Aidan is fighting some major internal battles that I cannot fully understand, but I can no longer excuse his behavior and write it of as "It's because his dad was arrested or he's being this way because his dad got divorced again, or he is acting out because we moved around a few times in the last few years.

Aidan was diagnosed a Bi-Polar in 2007 and put on medication which changed absolutely nothing so we took him off the medication and it was decided that he was misdiagnosed. He was then diagnosed with ADHD. I agree with that diagnosis based on the research I have done but I have resisted using any medication to handle it because I don't like what the medication can do to your child, and also he has always maintained a straight A status in school, so I thought as long as I could be extra patient with him and manage it with diet and at some times herbal supplements, if it didn't affect his education I was doing the right thing.

I have always struggled with the aspect of nurture vs. nature on kids like Aidan. I think some of this is built in to his genes. He has had family members who have spent most of their adult life in mental institution for some thing or another, another member committed suicide. I myself have battled depression in the past. After years of this I have realized that I don't can who's fault it is that Aidan is like this, Blaming his dad for having family members with problems is not going to help our situation at all. Blaming myself for not doing or knowing enough is not going to fix this. Action now is the only thing that matters. I don't care why he is the way his is, I just want to get him back to the sweet, loving, never hurt a fly kind of boy that I knew and loved for so many years. He is in there, we just have to break him free!

Over the last few months Aidan has been displaying increasing signs of emotional disturbance and anger management issues. The situation has come to a boiling point now and I have to take some pretty drastic measures....... the main problems we are having with him are:

Lying: He lies alot, he lies to keep himself out of trouble and he lies to both me and his dad about things that he thinks might make each of us mad about what happens at the others house

Not accepting responsibility or consequences: Everything is always someone Else's fault, according to Aidan he is always in the right no matter what he does, but he gets in trouble because people just won't listen (Yeah we won't listen because he needs to accept responsibility for the things we know he did)

Arguing: Aidan argues about every little thing with my husband and I. It is exhausting. I can ask him if the kid he was just playing with was around 11 or 12 and he will look at me like I'm stupid and so "No, he is 12" Its that he tells me I was wrong, then he gives me his answer which is one of the ones I presented to him.

Trying to barging his way out of EVERYTHING: Aidan does not accept punishment well. We recently had a morning where he was not acting nice towards his brother. I gave him 3 warnings in a 1 hour period, the 4th time I sat him down and told him I have asked you 3 times this morning to speak nicely to your brother and to treat him with kindness, you are still not doing that and for that reason you are now grounded. He went to rage, he yelled at me that it wasn't fair that I didn't give him a specific warning that if he did it one more time he would loose privileges, he threatened that by taking away the "Only things that bring me joy in life" I was just going to make him more angry and my punishment would backfire. I don't take that crap at all for the record.

He has become increasingly more and more violent over the last few months. His temper is like a very fine piece of thread that is pulled tight and ready to snap at a moments notice. He didn't use to hurt anyone when he was angry, but he as been hurting his 4 year old brother, which is something neither me or my husband will take lightly, that is the only thing he can do that makes me truly angry at HIM, not just at his actions.

Aidan also lacks any sense of guilt when he does something wrong. He will sit and look at the person he hurt with just a dead look on his face. I have taught him to say sorry, but it is nothing but a word if you keep doing the same thing over and over again. I can teach Aidan why rules are in place and why he has to accept the consequences for what he does, I always hope that this will remind him that the next time he thinks about doing that specific wrong he will also consider the consequences. He can recite it all back to you, say he understands, give you a high 5 to go off to play, but he seems to be unable to put any of this into practice in his real life and therefore he makes the same mistakes and gets the same consequences over and over.

I have changed my plan. He is not going to get the same old consequences anymore. I feel that this is an extreme case that calls for extreme measures. Aidan is loosing ALL privileges, we will have a point system where he will start at 0 and also with 0 toys or privileges. He can earn or loose points depending on certain criteria. He will be able to slowly earn back his toys and privileges over time by getting up to a certain amount of points. I am going to use something like balls in a big jar so he can see the progress going up and down in relation to his behavior.

He is not going to like this, he is going to tell me I am ruining his life. I have given him and will again after we have our meeting to go over the new plan tonight, that if he chooses I will support him in going to stay with his dad for a while to see if his dad's methods work better that what I am doing, it usually makes him very mad when I suggest that at all, he says that he can't just Can't live with is dad, he goes to a rage when we talk about it so I try not to bring it up much.

When he goes into a rage it is a full out rage. I often have to physically restrain him, I sometimes need my husband to help me restrain him because I can't hold him myself. He fights being held down, but I feel it is necessary at those time to protect him from hurting himself and/or his brother, and even our house. (I don't want fists through doors) So today at about 4 after homework is finished and dinner is planned out we will have a talk, just me and him. There will be yelling (Him) there will be crying (Hopefully only him, but I may loose that battle) there will be insults and ultimatums that will not be met. Then hopefully he can go to his room to calm down for a bit and we can have a pleasant evening together. I hope this is the punishment he needs to stick, along with counseling which we just go started with the process. Wish me luck!

I guess it was bound to happen.......

I got the call every mom with kids in school dreads today. Aidan is in 5th grade and for the first time in his life I got a call from his principal..... Ouch! I suppose I should count myself as lucky to have made it this far with him never having gotten in trouble in school, but I've gotta tell ya, this is not my kid! This year is the first time he has EVER been in trouble anything more severe than his teacher telling him to knock something off. This year he received the first B of his life and now a call from the principal.... and I promise you that B was not because the work was too hard, it is all about attitude!

Unfortunately he is having some anger management problems right now, so far they are contained to hurtful words, and i don't think he is a violent person, but I never thought he was a person to say hurtful things. I know this year has been a rough one on him for many reasons, but that is not an excuse to act out. One thing I know for sure is that i will not allow this kind of behavior to escalate any further than it already has, he has some serious penance to pay at the moment...... The joys of preteen boys!

Trapped

Trapped is how I am feeling lately. I had no idea what a privilege was to be able to drive until my new seizure condition took that away from me. It would not be smart to try to even drive down the street until we get this figured out and get the seizures and strange neurological issues to stop. I also can't ride a bike or take baths, that is beside the point. I can't go anywhere, our house is 3 miles out of the range that any buses go, it would cost about $10 to take a cab to the bus stop.... I have been desperate enough to look into it. I am so lucky that my medical insurance provides transportation to and from Dr's appointments. My husband is great about helping me get things like grocery shopping done but he despises stores like Wal-mart or Target so we just don't go there. I hate asking people for rides, I even hate asking my husband. He is a busy guy, in his last year of law school and now taking responsibility for all of our finances since not driving means I also can't work. When he was looking at houses to rent he gave up some of the things that were important to him in order to have a park within walking distance that I could take the kids to..... we use that park multiple times a day!

I need to step back and appreciate the time I am being given, time to spend with Zander one on one... time that I didn't get with my older kids. I am immersed in a world of candy land and pre kindergarten homework, this is what I always wanted and now that I have it I am having a hard time with it..... what is wrong with me?

I am going to go now and find a new board game for Zander and I to play, and I am going to prepare to help Aidan with some boy scout things when he gets home from school... I wish I could take them out for ice cream, but I need to quit wishing and start enjoying. I am trying and I am pretty sure that I will get used to this and embrace my new life.... just make it soon!

Young hero

I have been reluctant to post publicly about the medical problems I have been having lately for many reasons but I was given A big kick in the pants recently to let it be public information when the local fire chief paid me a personal visit to ask my permission to honor Aidan with a young hero's award. My first reaction was that I just wanted to keep the whole thing to myself. This IS a problem that is going to go away, there WILL be a fix for it and it will NOT be a permanent thing, so I just didn't want to draw attention to it. I had managed to keep the entire thing between my close family, 3 or 4 friends, and my Dr's. An award would mean that people would find out but as a mom I knew that Aidan did an amazing thing, not once but twice, and he deserved the credit. The award would give him a huge ego boost which he has been in need of in a big way lately, and it was a small way to let him know how much I appreciated what he had done for me as well as teaching him that his good actions brought on good recognition, so I agreed.

On December 14th Aidan was beside himself with excitement, but not for the award, because he had no idea that was coming! He was excited because he was going on a school field trip to reward kids who had maintained good grades for the 1st 1/2 of the year to see the chronicles of Narnia at the movie theatre. He had been looking forward to this trip for many weeks, snacks were packed for him and his best friend to share, he woke up early to be sure he didn't forget anything. I love seeing that excitement in him, he had no idea what was in store for him! About 1/2 hour before the movie was over the fire chief himself came and picked Zander and I up to take us to the theatre along with the entire crew of paramedics who answered the 2 calls (most of them were the same.... small town). Just as the last scenes of the movie ended the manager cut the show and turned on the lights, the kids were completely confused as a bunch of firemen took center stage, they then said that one of their classmates had done something amazing and brave and the fire department would like to honor him, would Aidan Clark please join them. You could see the lights come on in Aidan's eyes and he just about jumped over the seats to get to them. He stood up there just beaming as the chief told the story of what Aidan had done. He was one proud boy! Zander and I were invited to join the group at the front before they gave him the award, Aidan hugged me with all his might as I got up there and I had to fight back the tears. I wish I could have recorded the entire thing! Once the firemen were done thanking Aidan for his service and responsibility they dismissed the kids and Aidan was mobbed by kids telling him congratulations, and good job. I was taken aside by a reported from the newspaper who I didn't even know was there who said he had taken pictures and would love to come and do a story on Aidan. Again I was torn!

I am the kind of person who wants to live life blending into the background, A story in the newspaper is not blending! Plus in order to explain the award my personal medical condition would have to be made even more public, like broadcast for the entire community! Yikes!! I gave him my phone number and asked for a few days. In those days I prayed for answers, and I am not the praying type. I know that I felt good about allowing Aidan his glory, so if a good feeling is an answer to a prayer I guess I had my answer but that was just not enough for me yet. I talked to my close friends, my husband, even a lawyer because as i am currently in a custody battle over Aidan I had no idea if something like this could be turned around by an angry ex and used against me. The answers were almost all the same, give Aidan is 5 minutes of fame. I finally agreed to talk to the reporter and allow Aidan to talk to him as well. I had NO IDEA that the picture and story would be at the top of the front page of the local paper! talk about putting it out there!!

Here is the article that was ran in the paper....



Ten-year-old rescues mom twice

Mike Leiby — The Independent
Blue Ridge Elementary School student, 10-year-old Aiden Clark shows his Award of Merit for heroic actions which saved his mom Jen Staley’s life not once, but twice. Firefighters from the Lakeside Fire Department presented the award to Aiden last Tuesday in a surprise visit at the White Mountain Theaters. Aiden was there with other Blue Ridge students watching a movie. Pictured with Aiden are his mom, Jen Staley, and 4-year-old brother Zandar.

Posted: Thursday, December 30, 2010 5:00 am Updated: 10:03 am, Wed Jan 5, 2011.


LAKESIDE — It is uncommon, but not unheard of, to hear about a youngster who calls 911 and ends up being a hero because he saved a life or got emergency crews to a critical scene in time.

Having to do that only once would be scary enough for a youngster of 10 years of age.

But to be able to maintain composure and tell a grandmother not to worry because you know what to do on two separate occasions that saved his mother’s life is not only heroic, but very worthy of at least acknowledgement if not heroic acclaim.

Aiden Clark is a fifth grader in Mrs. Graves class at Blue Ridge. He is the young man who kept his cool when his mom, Jen Staley, went into grand mal seizure not once, but on two separate occasions.

Once was at home and the other was in the car with Aiden, his Mom and his grandmother as they returned home one afternoon from taking supper to a neighbor whose husband was in the hospital.

Aiden was honored for his life-saving calls to 911 dispatchers when firefighters from the Lakeside Fire Department surprised him at the Village 8 Theatres in Lakeside last Tuesday at 11:30 in the morning.

Aiden was a little taken aback when the movie theater lights went up and he discovered he was being singled out for recognition.

Like a lot of 10-year-olds, the young hero was at a loss for words, but said he only did what he had learned to do in an emergency and that he never really thought about being a hero until now.

Back to what happened on the two occasions when Aiden made the life-saving calls:

The first seizure Jen ever had was in October as she watched television one evening alone with her mom Danielle.

Aiden was not there for that one.

Jen went into seizure and was taken to the hospital by her mother where she was told it was indeed a grand mal seizure of unknown causes and that it may or may not happen again.

Doctors are still trying to determine what causes the seizures, but have not as yet. Jen says it may stem from an accident years ago in which she was injured.

Anyway, after her first seizure in October, Jen and husband Adam sat down and instructed Aiden on his Mom’s condition, what to look for, and dialing 911 in such emergencies while putting both the number and their home address on the refrigerator door.

On Nov. 19 it happened again when Jen went into a seizure for a second time one afternoon while playing computer games with Aiden and his 4-year-old brother Zandar after school.

Jen said she was alert and talking to Aiden when she suddenly went into seizure with a glass of ice water in her hand.

She spilled the water as she fell to the floor but it was the sound of her hitting the floor that sent Aiden into immediate mom-saving mode.

Aiden said he knew what to do because mom and dad had also posted instructions next to the computer. So after making sure she was still breathing and that it was an actual seizure he called 911 and calmed his younger brother by telling him “everything is going to be fine, mom will be alright.”

Aiden did not relinquish his duties at that point, instead he stayed by mom’s side until an emergency crew arrived and he could be sure she was taken care of.

Then on Dec. 2 as Aiden, his mom and grandmother Danielle returned home from delivering supper to the neighbor whose husband was in the hospital it happened again.

It was Aiden who instinctively sprang into action when he noticed his mom having trouble. He said she actually had a minor seizure at the house when she blacked out but quickly recovered.

Aiden assessed the situation and said to Jen, “Mom, you are not driving home.”

Grandmother Danielle took that duty but on the way home Jen had a second, more powerful full-blown seizure that was truly life-threatening.

Aiden said his mom’s head went back, she stopped breathing and her hand was clenched around Zandar’s throat, choking him.

After Danielle pulled over and Aiden got Jen’s hand away from Zandar’s throat, Aiden jumped out of the car and started running for home to call 911.

About halfway there Danielle caught up to him, he jumped in and as soon as they were home he called for help.

Adults often freeze or cannot find composure in such emergency situations, so for a 10-year-old boy to be able to not only recognize that something is wrong with his mom, but to then stay calm and act instinctively to save her life is nothing short of extraordinary.

Fighting past her tears of pride, Jen said her husband, Adam, has been in the Valley studying law, but will not graduate until August.

With that being the case, Jen said Aiden has taken it upon himself to be the man of the house and “take care of mom” until his dad returns. It would appear that Aiden’s dad can rest just a little easier knowing the family is in the capable hands of his eldest son.

Reach the reporter at mleiby@wmicentral.com


http://www.wmicentral.com/news/latest_news/article_cac7b2d2-1208-11e0-8c69-001cc4c002e0.html

So Again, thank you so much Aidan. You are an amazing boy and I am so proud to be your mom. I will always be thank full for your dedication to me and your intelligent and responsible nature. I love you!

Christmas.... just a little early!

The boys and I are all moved down to Mesa with their dad now and we are so happy! Before we left my parents house we celebrated Christmas with them a little early since my mom had done so much to make Christmas special for the boys this year! We put in a special request and Santa came a little bit early to! (Any advice on how to handle a kid who is almost 11 and still honestly believes in the magic of Santa??)

Grandma made the boys matching Christmas Jammie's to wear the night before and they looked so darling!

They were both so excited as I put them to bed, and they were so GOOD!!! No one came out for an extra drink of water or an extra kiss goodnight.... or even to tell on the other one... this is an unheard of event! Aidan woke up at a crazy hour, somewhere before 6 A.M. The normal rule in our house is that no kid can come out of bed until the parents get up and tell them they can get up, this is to prevent them from getting up at 4 or 5, (This rule really backfired on me last year when we had told the kids this and my Aidan, who is very literal, felt sick in the middle of the night.... sure that Santa would turn right around if he dared to get out of bed he leaned over his bunk bed and puked on the floor.... NOT a nice Christmas morning surprise for me!!) but since we were at my parents house and all staying in 1 room I didn't even think about telling him anything so he woke up and went out to the living room "Quietly (yeah right) to play his D.S. and wait for us to wake up. He managed to wake us up but we didn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he had done so until about 7 ;) Yes I am that mean! When he finally got Zander to wake up he told him "Come look, Santa left you a present and its not even wrapped!" Zander said "I need to snuggle mom and dad first" I love that kid! After he was sufficiently loved on he went out to see that Santa had left him his very first bike! He was a happy boy! Now he just has to get a little more comfortable riding it!

Aidan was happy to get the Nintendo DSI he has been wanting for the last year.. complete with a Nerf protective case because he has a habit of standing on his head to play his video games.... I don't quite get it either, the kid is very strange! Good thing he has this cute smile, it sure saves his life at times! He also got a rip stick... kind of a skateboard with 2 wheels instead of 4 and a hinge in the middle and you wiggle your feet to make it go, one of the silliest things I have ever seen but he LOVES it! I guess they are the rage!

Zander was so fun, it was hard to get him to open his next present... he just wanted to play with the presents he had already opened! We had to indulge him and put together a personalized puzzle he got about halfway through.

My Dad made us a delicious brunch before we had to head down to the valley, we got down here before dark and the boys had time to ride their new toys. Adam found a great house in a great neighborhood for us and I just love it here. My husband has shown me just how amazing he is in the last few days, but that is a whole post in itself....... I will just say that I am so happy to be back together as a family!

On Sunday Adam will go get his 3 kids for their Christmas visit and we will have our Christmas celebration with them the next day I think on Sunday night his sister is bringing her kids and his parents are coming over for the annual Staley white elephant gift exchange party. We have a great time with the whole gang, it is always nice to get everyone together. Aidan and Dylan both have birthday's coming up in the next couple of weeks, so we should be partied in no time flat!