Saturday, November 27, 2010

My favorite 11 year old :)

My youngest stepson turned 11 yesterday. I have adored this boy since he was about 2 years old when I first met him. He is only 1 month older than my son, they share a name and that is about it, they are as different as night and day.. Aiden and Aidan, I love these two more than words can say!
Just to look back at Aiden Tanner Staley a bit.

When Adam and I got together Aiden was about 2 he was and adorable little guy, he gave the best hugs ever, he had the BEST giggle in the world, and man was he funny! One of my favorite memories of him at this age is how Adam would have him lay on the ground on his back and put his hands on his head and say "don't move your hands" and would tickle him, and the boy would giggle so hard but would never move his hands... he would have everyone in the house laughing so hard!

Aidan has loved Wheat Thins since I can remember, Ranch are his favorites, and he gets them for every birthday and Christmas. I remember a story from when he was 3 or 4 of him planting a wheat thin in his mom's front yard and watering it every single day, just sure that he was going to grow his very own wheat thin tree and have a lifetime supply at his fingertips! I'm sure his brother and sister encouraged this dream of his with great enthusiasm! He did believe anything they told him!

When he was little he had the most adorable way of talking, wheat thins were "wheat nins", his shelf, where he kept the many many rocks he loved to collect was "mine nelf" the jacuzzi was the "guzzi" One of his favorite things to do was go camping, or "bampin" we all loved the way he said things, and actually our family adapted many of our words to be just like him, sometimes we still do ;)

This last week I got to see him for a few days and watch him play with little Zander with the never-ending patience, play football with his dad and brother, teach Aidan Wolfe to ripstick, play ping-pong with anyone who was willing, be as sweet as can be with his sister.... he is the most versatile kid! And man can that boy play football, I cannot believe how good he is! He has grown up so much in just the last year!

I have been so lucky to get to watch him grow into an amazing young man, Aiden loves unconditionally, he is so kind while at the same time so amazingly strong. He pulls off the perfect combination. Some girl is going to be very lucky. His mom and dad have got it right because this kid has got everything I can think of together.

I so much of Aiden in my little Zander. I love to hear the way Zander laughs just like him, saves spiders just like Aiden used to, hugs like Aiden did.... there are so many things, right down to the fact that they both have really really big feet! I can only hope that Zander continues to follow in the footsteps of this brother!

Aiden, I cannot thank you enough for loving me, Adam and Jenna I cannot thank you enough for allowing me to be a part of Aiden's life. I am really the luckiest girl in the world with the kids I have been blessed with, both my biological kids and my bonus kids, I love all of you guys!

Happy Birthday Aiden!
I love you so much buddy! I can't wait to see what else you have in store for us!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Why can't we be friends?

I am down, I admit it. For the most part life is good and I have no right to be down. I have an am amazing husband who after all the pain I caused him is willing to put that behind us and put 100% into making our marriage work, and with that I feel like I have my best friend back. I have great parents who came to my rescue when I needed them and when I had to come back to AZ they took me and the boys in with no strings attached. They have supported me with love and understanding through the worst trials in my life. I am working hard to right my wrongs, to fix all the hurt I have caused people including myself in the past. Last year I had a problem with prescription drugs. I was addicted, after a car accident I had access to pretty much anything I wanted and found that when life got to stressfull they provided an emotional escape.... the BIGGEST mistake of my life by far!! I have written about that problem in the past and it has caused me some trouble, but I don't think lying or hiding my problems is the way for me to go forward. I am past that problem, I woke up and saw that I was hurting my family and friends and I vowed to get past it. It is true that I did no go into rehab, as my ex has pointed out, but I did promise that if I ever had a relapse I would accept that help, and I promised myself that if I even get to the point of wanting to go back to any sort of substance as an emotional escape I will seek out professional help. I was able to kick this on my own, and have been past it for almost a year, Only taking any sort of pain pills on a rare occasion when my health absolutely needs it, even then I try everything else before resorting to medication because I don't want to open that door, but the few times I have needed it I have felt no desire for more, which to me feels like a huge success! I have quite a few health problems and have always just trusted my doctors and taken whatever medications they gave me. I made a decision a few months ago to change that about myself and slowly dropped off of every one of my medication except for one that is a maintenance med for one of my chronic conditions, and I feel great! I feel no depression now that I am off antidepressants.... On them I was deeply depressed. I no longer have anxiety attacks now that I am not on anti-anxiety meds... before I had them on a daily basis! And in general I feel healthier and my head feels so much clearer. I wish I had done this sooner but I am so glad I have done it now. Flushing my old meds down the toilet was such a feeling of success. I even took a picture to send to my husband.. what a dork I know!


My problem comes in where my ex husband is concerned. When I left for Arkansas I hurt him. I wasn't thinking straight, I was being selfish, and at the time I thought that a fresh start was what was best for me and the boys. Adam was agreeable to me taking Zander on a temporary basis, and even though Ex was no okay with me taking Aidan I had sole custody so I thought that I had the right to do it, and in my mind I thought once I moved he would cool down and we would arrange an acceptable visitation schedule.... tons of divorced parents do it from long distances, so I thought we could to. I was wrong about just having the right to leave. I had called the court that ordered the sole custody but only talked to a clerk who could only tell me that the last order they had on file state that I had sole custody. I guess the law is that a parent can only move so far away with the child, even with sole custody, if they give the other parent 30 days written notice. I hadn't done that so a judge ordered me to come back. Since that time my ex has filed a motion to take full custody of my son. In the beginning I was mad, and wanted the fight, but then I saw that it was tearing Aidan up. My lawyer advised me that while my ex has a pending court case to try to take custody away from me I need to strictly abide by the terms stated in the last order, which state that he can have only supervised visits with our son, which he has not agreed to. That means that my son has not seen his dad since the end of July, and so far the case has not even been assigned a judge. I am told that when a judge is assigned it will take between 4 and 6 more months for the judge to hear the case. I have been trying hard to come to a compromise with him. I have offered to stay in Arizona, revise the custody agreement giving him regular visits, but he would have to drop his bid for full custody, he refuses to make and deals with me. In truth I have no idea what he is thinking. I can't for the life of me believe that he really thinks he will be awarded full custody, yes I have made mistakes but I am a good mom, I have raised good kids. I have never been arrested, or in any real trouble, up until this summer my life has been fairly stable. I don't want to bash him but he has been convicted of felony child abuse a few years ago, has been through quite a few long term relationships that gave and took away stepmothers and siblings from Aidan. He says his mistakes were just that, mistakes in the past that he learned from, yet he is not allowing my that same justice.
Again I don't want to bash him, but I do want you guys to know just a little bit of the background in this situation..... I am putting my bad out there as well, so I don't think this is bashing.

When he was arrested my husband and I were there for him.... yes I did go to the court and request the change in custody while he was in jail, any mom would have, I didn't have his side of the story all I had was a police report and his girlfriends side. When he was released my husband and Befriended him, I feel like we held his hand through a very tough time. I defended him, made sure that I helped to rebuild the relationship between him and my son. Now I feel like he was just laying in wait so to speak and when I hit a weak moment he struck, and struck hard petitioning the court to take my son away from me. I feel betrayed and frustrated that this man, who is a smart man will not step away from the situation enough to see that by hurting me he is hurting his son.

The worst part is seeing what this is doing to Aidan. I do my best but I can't control my ex or what he does, and I try to keep my son out of the drama but there are things he has to know, and things he asks about. I have him keep a diary that I promise I will never read, his dad will never read.... it is for him and him only. I hope that helps him to get his emotions out. I took him to the Dr. recently and in tears asked what to do about the depression he has fallen into, and the Dr said to me "aside from getting his father to see that he is destroying this kid there is really not much" I am working on getting him into counseling, but the poor kid is just so sad, and so angry. it comes out at home, at school, towards everyone in his life. It breaks my heart to see my sweet loving never hurt anyone Aidan being hurt this way and to be powerless to fix this thing that I know my actions put into motion.

I don't know if its a good idea to post this or not, but I need advice, I need to get my feelings out there..... anyone know how to help this amazing boy?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Halloween and such

I have been terrible lately about posting online, talking to friends, and just about communication in general... its not cause I don't love ya all... I've just been in a world of my own lately :) Things are good, really good actually. What I thought was the end of the world a few months ago when my ex husband managed to force my kids and I to move back to Arizona from Arkansas has actually turned out to be the saving grace of my marriage. It allowed my husband and I to spend some much needed time together after we we both had some time apart to think about what we had each done to hurt each other, and the time apart gave us the perspective needed to show us that we do not want to loose each other. I have made some big changes in myself to fix our relationship and I know that I can do what it takes to be an equal partner in our marriage, so thank you Ryan for bringing us back to Arizona so that I could fix my marriage and not loose out on the love of my life! There are alot of things going on that I am not ready to put out there on a public level, but the boys and I are doing great. Big plans are in the works. I am enjoying the time I have now that I am not working (either by choice or not), I am taking advantage of it) to really spend quality time with the boys.

Aidan is in 5th grade at my Alma matter Blue Ridge and is doing fabulous. He brought home his first report card of the year a few weeks ago and got an award for not only honor roll, but straight A's honor roll! I am one proud mama! He is defiantly a smart little guy! Zander and I have some pre-school workbooks that we do and he can count as high as he wants in English and to 10 in Spanish. He can say his ABC's and recognize all the letters and is working on writing them. He can spell his name and is trying to write it. One thing he does not like is coloring, which seems strange to me :( we play alot of chutes and ladders and candy land while big brother is at school now that it is getting cold!.

Aidan has developed a love of singing, Glee is his favorite show now (good for me!!) And he auditioned and landed the lead role in his school musical production of King Arther! I think it is sometime in December, he is so excited to sing a solo in front of the entire school! That kid has some serious guts!

Halloween around our house was great fun, We had planned to be in Arkansas, and since my stepkids have long grown out of allowing me to dress them all up in themed costumes I was super excited to pull my niece and 2 nephew's into the fun! My sister and I told all 5 kids they
could each pick their favorite sea creature to dress up as and we would make the costumes.....
have you ever told a group of kids to pick their favorite sea creatures and seen what they come up with? Wow it is interesting! They came up with:
Aidan 10 years old : A Weir (also known as a Sea Monster)
Lizzie 6 years old : A mermaid of course
Zander 4 years old : A stingray
Tristan 4 years old : A giant octopus
Baby Cole 2 years old: A Starfish

And then we had to figure out how to make costumes like that... try finding those costumes on ebay, or even patterns!!! In comes Grandma to save the day!!!!
I told the kids I would include adorable costume made candy bags with a picture of all of them on the front in their costumes with the bags made out of pieces of their costumes... great idea until we ended up in Az with the rest of the crew in AR!

Here are the costumes: (we had to have my kids model all the costumes so that I could get pictures for the bags......yep, even the mermaid costume, before we shipped them off to Arkansas)