Still alive and kicking :)

I am not much for writing lately, I have been in a funk, and I try to keep my blog as a happy place, one where I can go back later and remember the good in my life. The good is still there, it is just burried under a huge pile of stress and depression that I am having a hard time digging out from under.
I am still looking for a job, not a fun thing at all... I finished my associates degree this week, so I am hoping that will help me out in the very near future. Adam took his last final for the first semester of law school earlier this week... Yay for him, I am so proud! This year has been the hardest in either of our lives, and yet he is still making the effort and succeeding in law school. My number 1 priority is to make next semester less stressfull for him!
The kids are doing well. Zander loves his daycare, and he also loves church. I hadn't been in quite a while but we recently started attending again. I accidently put him in a sunday school class for a few weeks when he should still be in the nursery until January. He was pretty ticked off when we discovered my error and he had to start going to the nursery, but he has an idea of what to look forward to in just a few short weeks now, and he can't wait to officially be a sunbeam!
Aidan had a perfect report card, is on the honor roll, and loves his school and teachers. Last weekend the Arizona Science center had a free admission weekend so we all wend down to check it out.... Aidan was in little geek heaven! He soaked up every minute of it!

The other kids will be here nex week, we are all so excited to spend some time with them, and thanks to some members of our church, we are able to have a few gifts for everyone despite my lack of income. I am so so thankfull for that (our bishop also got Adam and I a brand new queen size bed after a year of nothing but an air mattress..... merry christmas to us!

More posts and pics promised when our family is reunited on Tuesday!
Love you~

Mid November wrap up

well this has been a super busy time in our lives! We have gotten ourselves into a nice routine, I work from 9-6, so Adam has dinner ready when I get home, we spend an hour or so playing with the boys before bedtime, and then start it all over. I guess this is how the normal familiy does it, but I am struggeling with the lack of time I am getting to spend with my family, but I am thankful to have a job.

We had a great Halloween, Aidan was a very scary Grim Reaper,

and Zander was a super scary shark.

We went to a halloween carnival where the boys did a trunk or treat thing, got lost in a corn maze, and played some carnival games. After that we went trick or treating for a few hours. Aidan wasnt feeling that great and was passed out by about 9 in the car... poor guy!

We have finally had a chance to get out of the house a bit for family walks, and a trip to the park yesterday, it was great... Zander is such a big boy, what a bittersweet feeling that is!

Tomorrow is my birthday, so Adam took me out to my favorite place for dinner, the Outback, and he even made me a great home made cake for after dinner! I have a good man!

My mom and dad are coming down for thanksgiving, I am so excited to see them, I even get 2 days off work to spend with them! Sorry for the short and random update, life is just busy!

Love you all!

Downtown fun for the Staley's

On Saturday we took the nice weather and headed out on our bikes for a tour of Downtown Phoenix. I love experiencing things on a bike... we can get there faster, there are no kids whining to be held... Adam is fantastic at riding his bike with Zander being pulled in the baby trailer... we sure love having that thing! First we stopped and played in and on a fountain that was not in use... the boys did anyway... see the discussing who could jump farther? Gotta love those boys!

We rode to the Chase field, where the Diamondbacks play and to the US Airways Stadium where the Phoenix Suns play. It seemed that there was a suns game getting ready to start, there were tons of people lining up in Suns jersey's and paraphernalia. I love, love, love the excitement of a basketball game.

This deep love I have for the Phoenix Suns comes from my old boss and good friend Doyle and Cher Hancock. As a teenager they would also give us their season tickets, usually me and my best friend Shawna, and we would hit the town, having the time of our lives at the basketball games! So many of my good memories come from those games. I feel a deep need to take my kids to see a suns game, finances are not working out at the moment, but I have a feeling that something will come along and we can go this year!

We took a leisurely bike ride, stopping at some pretty spots, like this fountain that they played in and on for quite a while. We all posed on the concrete baseballs at the Chase field, enjoyed each others company... just had fun!

After that we spend Sunday with a trip to the pool, then worked on some puzzles and snuggeling. In school news Aidan is doing great as always, Adam did fantastic on his mid-terms and is very happy about that... and Zander... Zander has decided that daycare is OK after all and has been excelling for most of last week and again this week! I am so proud of my 3 boys!

I am still working, just hoping to make it through the 90 day period where The University decides with temps they will keep on... Fingers crossed!!

Turning it around!

Wow what a difference a week can make! Zander decided on Tuesday that he was ready to enjoy himself at daycare and has made a complete turnaround! In fact this morning he asked me if I could get ready FASTER so he could go! From the first day he has gone there when I drop him off he turns into a rabid spider monkey, wrapping his arms around my neck and his legs around my midsection. He clings on to me as his teacher pry's him off, often taking my shirt with him. Morning drop off was the hardest thing in the world for me. Leaving my baby knowing he was absolutely miserable was just not ok. But this week.... all I can say is WOW!!!! On Tuesday when I dropped him off he only cried a little bit, I was pretty dang happy with that so when Adam reported to me at the end of the day that Zander had had a "Good" day I could not believe it... I had to have details! Zander not only used the bathroom, but he also ate a cupcake! This is huge guys!!! This is the first time he has had a bite away from mom or dad in a year and a half! Adam and I praised and rewarded Zander all evening, telling him how proud and happy we were, and the next morning Zander announced that he was going to have a "Happy day at daycare!" I was skeptical, but at drop off he let me put him down, then he gave me a kiss and said "Bye mom" I was on cloud 9 all day! Adam called me when he picked Zander up and said that he had eaten lunch, been happy all day, and even sat with his class for activities and made me a picture! Thursday and Friday followed suit, it has been a fantastic week!

In other news Adam is finished with his law school mid-terms and back into the swing of normal coursework. Adam and I are doing great, more in love than ever in our lives and best friends to boot. With all the stress of moving around, looking for jobs, and getting into and then starting law school we have been strained but we are back! I am thankfull for him every day, and to say he has stepped up in a way that most men would just run screaming from since I started my job would be an understatement. Adam now picks Zander up from daycare everyday, rushes home to be here for Aidan, makes sure Aidan does homework and chores, cleans the house and even makes dinner for me every night. I am one lucky girl for sure!

My job is going well. The University of Phoenix is a great place to work and while my position is entry level, after 9 months or so the doors will open up for me and I know I will move into a position that I love. The only downside is that my body has picked a terrible time to break down. I have had a lump in my breast for 3 weeks now that is quite painful and I cannot get in to see a Dr since I am working Monday - Friday so tonight I went to the ER to have it checked out and was told that I defiantly need to get a biopsy done and find out what we are dealing with. I must admit I am terrified because my grandmother had breast cancer and my mom has had cancer and multiple lumps removed. Any prayers you could send my way on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

All in all life is good. We are happy, and as a family we are B-A-C-K!!!

New job, new home, big adjustments!

At the end of September I finally found a job, and it is a good job! I have been working for 2 weeks now at the University of Phoenix and it is going pretty well! I found out that I got the job on a Thursday afternoon, and the wanted me to start on Monday! I was so excited, and yet so scared. We share a car, so logistics were a problem, we had 4 days to find an apartment that was either walking distance, or on the bus route from either my workplace or Adam's school, get Zander and Aidan pulled out of their current schools and registered into new ones, but of course we had to know where we would be living before we could do that, and they had to be able to start before 8 A.M. monday morning. We also had to move in that time. Thursday and Friday were a blur or looking at apartments. We finally decided on one that was walking distance from Adam's school, and I rushed to get the boys registered into their new schools. I actually got all of that accomplished, and we were at the U-Haul place on Friday afternoon getting a trailer to move our stuff when I got a call saying that a DUI from Washington had come up on my background check and I wouldn't be able to start work on Monday...... I am not even kidding!

So we just went on and moved into the apartment and I took that extra week to unpack boxes that had been in storage for over a year... it was like Christmas seeing all of our stuff again! We are now moved in and as settled as we can possibly be! Aidan is happy in his new school. He joined the Zoology club at his school, they meet twice a week after school and people from the Phoenix zoo bring in different animals for them to study and interact with. Zander is in a new preschool right by the apartment. He is having a pretty rough time with being put into preschool at all, and is having some big issues.... he has been going full time for 2 weeks now and refuses to eat, drink, or use the bathroom anytime he is there. This means that he is starving when he gets home, and he often wets his pants because he just won't use the bathroom. I am kind of beside myself on this issue. I cry all the way to work after dropping him off in the mornings, it is heartbreaking to leave him there, screaming for me, but I HAVE to do it, and he WILL get used to it in time! I am going to keep a good attitude if it kills me!! The one thing he does do at daycare is take long naps. This is not a good thing because Zander has not been a napper for about 2 years, so he is now awake every night until at least 11, and it is a constant battle of punishing him for getting out of bed over and over..... but how can you get mad at a face like this?

The apartment we got is great. It is so nice to have a place of our own! It is a 2 bedroom apartment, but we don't consider it small, just cozy! The boys bedroom is big, there is plenty of room for Zander's bed, the bunk beds, and all the other stuff that kids think they need :) We had such a great time setting up all of the kid's stuff! Zander has had hours of fun driving his cars on the street map rug in his room, and I love how organized their room is..... until Zander has been in there for about 10 minutes anyways... how is it that 1 little 3 year old can make this room look like a tornado just went through it so fast? Thank goodness for IKEA and their organizational furniture! We put pictures on the toy bins so that Zander can clean up all by himself now, and he even gets the toys into the correct bins!

My second favorite place to be..... the first? The pool/jacuzzi of course!

Changes all around

School has been going great, for most of us anyway.... Zander not so much. It has been a month now and he has gotten no better unfortunately. He screams and cries every time I leave him, but that I can deal with... the little guy has been with either his dad, me or his beloved Sissy or Dylan 24/7 for the last year and a half, of course me dumping him with complete strangers is going to take some adjustment. The real problem is that he will stay there for 8 hours and refuse to eat, drink, or use the bathroom the entire time. He also spends the entire time he is there hiding under a table, and if a teacher or another kid dares to try to talk to him he will flip out all over again. I have tried everything I can think of... I have sent him in with his favorite sippy cup and snack, he just ignores it all day. I have tried to get him to take his baby, or a favorite toy, but he will pry open my hands and force me to take these things back before we get to the door. I am out of ideas, I have talked to him for countless hours, told him what a big boy he was. He says he wants to be a baby. I asked him if he would rather go to a babysitter and that is the only time he has perked up.... but then he told me that only Dylan or Sissy could babysit him. He has even tried ploys such as bringing me his sandals, which he knows are not allowed at school, and telling me that his tennis shoes were lost. His latest was that he told me that his daddy said he was not allowed to go to school anymore, and if I took him I would be in big trouble. I am not sure what to do to ease the transition for the little guy.... how can this sweet guy being so sad not break my heart??

Now on to the big changes. I got a job! I will start on Monday at the University of Phoenix! The logistics of this have been a challenge since we have only 1 car, and Adam is in school, and I will be working until 6, and I can't find a daycare that is open past 6, which means that Adam will have to pick him up every day. So the only logical solution to this problem was to move to a location from which Adam could walk to school, and walk to Zander's daycare to pick him up every day while I took the car to work. We found an apartment right across from the law school, and a daycare for Zander right around the corner so we jumped on it. It is in downtown Phoenix, which is more than a little bit scary for me... there is not much that freaks me out more than huge roads, and those stupid signs that say you cannot use the turn lane for turning at certain times of the day because it is used as a lane for rush hour during those times.... who thinks of these things?? But our apartment is great. It is a really nice place, which we can afford because they give a great discount for students that the law school. Aidan started at his new school yesterday and is very happy. He has made friends with a few kids who live in the same complex as us already and loves his teacher. Aidan is so smart and outgoing that I know he will excel. Zander will start at his new "Daycare" on Monday. We have visited it and he seemed to like it.... he insists that he will like daycare much more than he liked school, so we will see how it goes!
Adam and I are doing better than ever. This last year has been a tough one, presenting more challenges than I even thought possible, but we got through them, and we are stronger as a couple after getting though everything together. I know that this new change will do wonders for us all as individuals, as well as for us as a family!

School for everyone!

These last few weeks have been busy ones for sure! Last Wednesday Aidan started school in Mesa, it just feels so wrong to send a kid to school when it is still 108 degrees outside! We live only a few blocks from his school so he is enjoying the opportunity to be mature and riding his bike to and from school every day. The work is easy for him, he is done with his homework in minutes, but he is doing amazing! He has all intentions of getting straight A's because my sweetie made a deal with him that if Aidan gets straight A's for the first half of 4th grade we will buy him a Nintendo WII.

Today was Adam's first official day of law school.... how awesome is it that he is following his dream!?!? I have so much respect for him and for the huge sacrifice he is making right now! Even though today was his first real day he has been doing homework for a week, and he is doing great! In just 3 years he will have his law degree and all of this will be well worth his time!

I am still working towards my associates degree, I have 5 classes left and can get them done by early November if I push hard... I know an associates degree doesn't give one much status, but it makes me feel great to be accomplishing this, and it can be a stepping stone to get into further education. I am into my core classes which are much more fun and interesting. I will have my degree in healthcare management and hope to go on to be an ultrasound tech. I love pregnant women, and I sure don't want to go there again, so I might as well work with them!

Even little Zander got to start "school" today. I have him enrolled at Tots Unlimited 2 days a week. Leaving him there today was hard I have to admit, after what happened the last time I left him with a babysitter, but it was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I knew that this place was safe, there would be no drugs for him to find, and that he would benefit from being away from his mama for a while. He did freak out when I said goodbye, but that only lasted for about a half hour. His teacher told me that he was quiet the rest of the day, and did tell people "I'm just sad" when asked how he was doing, and apparently he went on a hunger strike, telling everyone that he "only eats with mama" but he was fine. He came home and downed 2 full bananas and then asked for more, and when Aidan asked how his first day of school went he replied "I don't want to talk about that right now", but when we talked about the fact that he is going back on Thursday he told me he would have fun, but he did slip in there that he WILL cry when I leave him, but then he will get happy again! He has come along way from the day he looked like this:

To the sweet, smart, amazing boy you see here... wow what a difference a year can make, and have I mentioned that I love this little guy more than life itself??

So now we are all back to school, back to a semi-normal routine, and it feels good!

Looking for the little blessings

Lynz gave me a new hair style... dyed it dark then put some lighter highlights in for me.... it was a shock at first, but I love it now, Lesson learned, always listen to Lyndsay!

I am crying as I type this.... I can't decide if they are happy tears or sad tears, just tears.

I have enjoyed having my stepkids here for the summer so much. Dylan and I have had a great bond for years, and every time we are together that bond grows so much stronger and deeper. I LOVE DYLAN! Of course I love all of my kids, but Dylan and I can relate on many levels that I don't relate to the others on. We share alot of the same ideas and sense of humor..... he just makes me laugh, and I love that!

Zander has made a transformation into the best toddler I have ever known, and I have know alot! Taking his bottles away from him had the exact opposite effect than I expected.... I thought he would cry and whine non stop, it turns out he cries and whines ALOT less without the bottles! He is the most loving and lovable person in history. If I leave the house just to go out to the car when I come back in I am always greeted with a huge hug and an "I NUB YOU MOM" which just melts my heart! The kid is always snuggling with someone... me, daddy, Dylan, or any other family members that cross his path... I have seen him demand Dylan to put down what he is doing and lay on the couch, Zander will then tilt his head, and say "Dylan, can I snuggle you Dylan" when given the ok he will lay on his stomach on you and tuck his little arms under his belly, it is so dang sweet!!!

The pictures are blurry, but the love is clear!!!

Adam has been accepted into law school here in the Valley, he starts next week, and Aidan starts school next week.

Backyard Camping

We got a chance to get out of this insane heat (it has gotten up to 116 here in Mesa) and take a week long camping trip with our darling kiddos, but first we made a 2 day stop at my parents house in Lakeside, where my sister and her 3 little ones were visiting. Since my parents only have a 2 bedroom house, we put our tent up in their back yard and partied! My niece Elizabeth fell deeply in love with Lyndsay right away, Tristan enjoyed having the big boys around, and Cole loved having so many arms to hold him! I loved getting to hang out with my little sister, as always, and had a great time. As usual our time was not nearly enough... it is hard having my only sister live all the way out in Arkansas! I have to give it to her, it is beautiful out there, and she has a very nice life set up, but man do I miss her! This is the first group picture with all of my parents grandkids all together (and that is ALL you will be getting mom and dad!!)

I guess with 8 kids only having 1 or 2 not looking at the camera is considered a success~ This is the whole gang anyways!

Here are a few more of my favorite pictures from the visit......

If you know Tristan, you know that Trucks = pure joy..... and there were plenty of trucks to be played with..... The dirt hill gave us hours of fun for the little ones :)

Here is Ms. Elizabeth teaching Zander the rules of sliding down dirt hills on your butt.... heaven forbid he messes THAT up ;) They were so cute playing together!

Little baby Cole (AKA Cole-eo) thought he was pretty dang sly nabbing Zander's bottle as well as his own and alternating drinks, so cute!

Aiden Tanner and Elizabeth got the primo napping spot, snuggeling together on the hammock.... they just talked and giggled, and man can those two giggle cutely!

This is my favorite shot of the day.... the love between a mother and her son.... MY baby sister, and HER baby! There is nothing sweeter!

Angie brought the kids fireworks all the way from Arkansas (where things like this are legal) to Arizona (where they are not so legal) but it was a big hit for sure!

Papa and his oldest (and probably dearest) grand-daughter just laying together star-gazing. Nothing like good old family bonding time, I love days like this!

the week that started off so great sure turned crappy!

The good news is that I got to go see my little sister..... well truthfully I HAD to go to Arkansas to get the load of our stuff that we took out there to store when we were thinking we might move out there, which was a great excuse for a visit, so we packed up our 2 youngest, since the older kids are still at their mom's house until next week and started off on an 18 hour drive! Aidan counted states, Adam and Zander competed to see who could sing the spongebob theme song louder, and I did my best to keep everyone occupied. We pulled an all nighter and got to her house mid-day on Friday. On Saturday we got a text from our friend Tina, who's apartment we have been staying at saying that while we were gone, and she was gone on her vacation her son had a huge party at the apartment and got her evicted. Once we got this news the trip was filled with stress, we didn't know if our stuff was going to be kicked to the curb by the apartment complex, or what could possibly happen... so after trying to convince Adam it would not change anything to go back early, I lost the battle and we left on Monday morning. WAYYYY too short a visit for that long of a drive!

So we started off with our load of stuff. The drive back was not nearly as fun. Zander cried, I cried, Aidan went stir crazy, and Adam was stressed.

We made it back to the valley and went to the apartment. It was much worse than I had imagined, Just about everything of value we had there was stolen, and more things (like the race car bed I got Zander 2 weeks ago for his birthday) were broken. I cried more..... I cried ALOT!! Most of this stuff I cannot get back, even if there were a way to get the value back, how can I replace the rings I had in the bottom of my change cup that I have had since high school, or the pictures on the digital camera that was stollen? I had medication that was missing and when I called my Dr. to see if I could replace it was told I would have to file a police report. This left me crying again because this is my best friends son, and a kid who I really really care about. I didn't want to file a police report, but then today I NEEDED my medicine and had to do it. Now my friend is upset, I got a text saying "You Win"...... how the heck do I win? The stuff that was stollen is over $1,000 worth, not to mention the fact that Aidan's glasses were smashed, and someone went through his drawers and stole every penny he had.... do you know how hard it is for a 9 year old to save up over $50, and how crappy I feel breaking it to him that it was stolen, and I will not be able to replace it until next month because I have no job..... By the time the police bothered to come take my 5 minute report my Dr's office was closed for the weekend, so I am out of luck until Monday..... more great news.

I feel broken. Then to top it off my husband decided to take Aidan and our nephew to see the 1 movie I have been wanting to see tonight, last minute and said he would love it if I could find a babysitter for Zander and come... of course I can't find one that fast so I am sitting here while he is out seeing the movie I want to see... does the punishment ever end??

I had better let the happy side show :)

Wow, my last few posts have been pretty down! I had better state that I am normally a pretty happy person, but there is some unknown force that is winning the battle and pushing me to a dark dark place lately. Today I am determined to win and BE HAPPY!

Yesterday Zander and I went to the community pool next door to the apartment that we are so lucky to have for the month of June. There is a kiddie pool with water from 1 to 3 feet deep. Zander was in heaven and we swam for 4 hours. I brought a book but never got around to laying on the towel and reading... I was having too much fun with my baby boy to even care about relaxing! After the pool we ran over to Target to look for some shorts for Zander and Aidan... I love Target! I got each boy 2 outfits, myself 2 shirts and a pair of yoga pants, plus some presents for Zander birthday party, all for under $40... clearance racks are the best!

On Wednesday I had a meeting with the HR Representative at Banner hospital about a quarter mile from our apartment. Adam had houses he had to look at so I told him to just take the little guy and drop me off. It should be no problem for me to walk the short distance home after my meeting. Heck the apartment and the hospital were on the same road! Of course it didn't work that way. There was a freeway to cross, and I guess you can't just walk across a freeway, so I turned on a residential street looking for an under or overpass. I walked and walked and walked, I talked to Aidan on the phone and was actually having a good time. Then I realized I could no longer see the freeway. So I went in to a gas station and asked where exactly I was. The rattled off some street names, and I said, OK, how far is that from my intersection? about 2 1/2 miles.... I had walked 2 1/2 miles in the WRONG direction!! In heals, nice clothes, and 100+ degree heat! I bought a water and resigned myself to a little more walking. I got about out of the parking lot before I realized that my feet hurt... bad! I slipped my shoes off and saw huge blisters on just about every toe, plus the bottoms of both feet.... and I still had about 3 miles to get home. So I cried. I sat on the side of the road and cried. After a while I got up and started walking again. Eventually Adam called to see how my meeting was. I managed to sound upbeat for about a minute and then lost it and told him everything. There was of course nothing he could do, he was an hour away looking at rental houses with a realtor. I told him not to worry and that I was sure I would be fine... it was great exercise right?? After we hung up I cried again, but this time I kept walking. 4 different men offered me rides, but my friend had recently accepted a ride in a similar situation and the guy who picked her up drove her to an old neighborhood and forced her to watch him do things that I would think no one would want an audience for! With that in mind I smiled and said I was fine over and over... wishing just one GIRL would offer me a ride. About half way home I got really lightheaded and thought I was never going to make it... fortunately there was a pediatric urgent care right in front of me. I went in and found a corner to just sit and cool off. After about 15 minutes of rest I finished my walk.... so happy to be home and get my shoes off! I guess my sense of direction has not improved much at all!

The good news is that the hospital contacted my references yesterday, so maybe I am in the running for a job... fingers crossed!

Aidan is spending some time with his dad. I miss him, but I talk to him, and he is having a great time :)

Baby kisses are the best!!!
Me and this boy have such a special bond!

Thank god for THIS blessing!!

My stepkids will be here in a few short weeks, then we will have Zander's real birthday party, then shortly after that Lyndsay will turn 15! Yikes!!

Here are a few quick webcam shots of me and the kiddo... no makeup, it is a bum sort of day... my feet hurt!

How did I get to this place in life?

I cannot believe how fast Zander is growing up! It seems like just yesterday that I looked like this:

Pregnancy was so easy for me. I love being pregnant. Adam and I lived it up a bit and went to Hawaii about 2 months before Zander was meant to make his great appearance..... At that time his name was going to be Talis (thank goodness we changed that one!) Our older kids were so excited to be having a new little brother.... Adam's kids spend memorial day weekend with us that year and Lyndsay wanted that baby to come so bad. As the weekend came to an end with no baby Lyndsay got very sad. She was afraid she would miss the birth, and she wanted badly to be in the delivery room to see her baby brother make his appearance. On Sunday we decided to do everything in our power to get him on his way.... we walked, jumped on the trampoline, ate spicy food, walked more, and even drank Castor oil. I was having contractions for days, but not productive ones, so we gave up and took our 4 kids to the movies. Not 10 minutes into the movie my contractions got painfull and regular. I new I was in labor, but we just paid for 6 movie tickets, and I was doing my best to keep a happy face! As soon as the movie was over (we saw RV with RObin Williams) we went right to the hospital. We walked in with 4 kids trailing us and told the nurse we were having a baby. We got some strange looks, but that is common with so many kids! After the Dr's assured us that this was the real deal we had Adam's mom come pick up the boys, and me, Adam, and Lyndsay did our best to pass the time. After a few hours the Dr. decided to break my water... I did not have an epidural or any drugs yet, so I was not having alot of fun as it was. When the Dr. broke my water I heard a slew of cuss words from my very LDS Dr, and I knew something was terribly wrong. Apparently no one had checked the position of the baby and he was sideways, His little hand came out with my waters. After that is a blur. I remember alot of crying as I was told an emergency C-Section was needed. Poor Lyndsay was terrified, and banished to the hallway with my mom. I was rushed to surgery (once there they were in so much of a hurry they forgot to check if the spinal block they gave me worked, and just cut right into my stomach.... it hadn't worked and I felt every bit of that cut.... THIS I remember!) I was quickly put under, and when I woke up it was over. I didn't know right away that anything was wrong, everyone kept putting me off when I asked about my baby. I finally demanded to see him and was wheeled to the nursery. There I saw my little angle hooked up to every machine possible and under an oxygen tent. He was early. My Dr. had my due date off by over a month. That combined with the C-Section, which does not help push the water from the baby's lungs like birth does, had left my little guy with lung problems. We could not hold him, feed him, or even get a good look at him. Over the next 3 days Adam and I kept up an almost constant vigil by his bassinet, rubbing his feet, and touching him as much as we could. After 3 days we were allowed to hold him for short periods of time with just blow by oxygen, and he was allowed to nurse for short times. He pulled through and had no lasting problems. He spent the first year of his life in someones arms at all times... we had lost time to make up for! The next 2 years went by almost without incident... we enjoyed life with our 5 kids, and loved every minute of it.

Life was pretty normal. We celebrated Zander's 2nd birthday much as we did this year, just the 3 of us on his birthday saving his party for when his brothers and sister's get here in late June. On June 7th I picked Zander up from the babysitter as normal, but when we got home he could not walk. The sitter had told me he didn't have a nap that day so I decided he was exhausted and put him to bed. In the morning he still couldn't walk, and he added throwing up and just plain lethargy to the mix and I knew he needed a dr. Adam had his LSAT test coming up in a few days, and we planned to leave that day to get his kids and go to Phoenix for his test. We had deadlines to make, so we decided he would leave, and I would take Zander to see his Dr. for what we thought was probably and inner ear infection, and the 2 of us would meet Adam in Phoenix later that day. We both left and went our separate ways. I took Zander to the urgent care, and the Dr. got one look at him and yelled for a nurse to call 911. I didn't understand....he was just sick, he didn't need an ambulance! But it turned out he did. We got to the ER, and the poor guy was put through every test in the world. They were saying he may have been shaken. I was terrified, and livid, and devastated. After hours he was admitted into the hospital. Adam was already in Phoenix, and we had other kids to take care of, so I told him to stay. My mom got me through this time.. I don't know what I would have done without her. I watched helplessly as my baby boy had a spinal tap, IV's, blood draws, an MRI, and other tests I cannnot remember. It was finally decided that he had ingested crystal meth, which is often deadly, and if a child survives they will most likely have permanent brain damage. His outcome was bleak, and there was NOTHING I could do. In what could only be called a miracle, 3 days later Zander was released with NO permanent damage!!! He was spared again... There must be big plans for this little boy in store!
Zander may have healed completely, but I have not. It has been a year now since this happened and I have not left him with a babysitter since. Adam and I have had a few dates where he stayed with my mom, or Adam's, but Even that has only been 3 or 4 times in a year. I have not left his side other than that. I have tremendous guilt over what happened. I trusted someone else with my child and that person almost killed him. The time has come now for me to get a job. I am struggling very much with trusting someone again. It is tearing me apart inside... and this has been a silent fight. My husband does not feel the same as me, and I cannot explain my irrational guilt and fear in a way that does not sound crazy. I HAVE to find a way through this, but I am having such a hard time.. any ideas?
So that is where we are today. My boy is perfect, but I remain broken. God trusted me with this life, but I can't do it alone..... I know we will get through this, and logically this would never happen again. I think this boy has gone through his fair share of close calls, and we should have some smooth sailing starting... NOW!

3 years

Today my baby boy turns 3! This is a bittersweet day for me. I will never be a mother to a 2 year old again. He is leaving his baby years behind and jumping feet first into the world of little boys.


Yesterday Adam and I spent the day just enjoying Zander. Adam has class today, so Zander and I are on our own until about dinner time. We started the day off taking Zander swimming at the apartment swimming pool. The 3 of us spent most of the time in a barely warm jacuzzi, which felt great considering the outside temperature! We talked, snuggled, and played in the water. When we were all waterlogged and hungry we came inside for lunch... Zander ate 2 entire low fat hot dogs, and 2 string cheeses... all dipped in lots of ranch of course. After that we went out together and ran a few errends. We asked Zander what he would like for his special birthday dinner, and he replied with "Meat!" We tried to get a little bit more than that, but apparently as long as it is meat he doesn't care. I think we settled on homemade meatballs, and Zander was pretty adament that he gets a cake. I am not really having a party for him yet... Adam's kids want to be with us for that, and we want them here to, so we are holding off on the party for a month or so when we can all be together. I did get Zander a few presents to open on his birthday, but they are mostly things he NEEDS anyway, like new shoes and arm floatie's for the pool. I will get him some real presents when we have the party... so I wasn't even going to get a cake yet, but he REALLY wants it, so we went to Safeway today and ordered a small one. That was interesting.... I thought it would be nice to let him pick out a design, since I can in no way match last years cakes.. when Lyndsay and I made him Dory and Nemo cakes, with the pretty fondant and everything.... not having a kitchen this year has cramped my style! Zander loved just about every cake we looked at... it was pretty hard to decide between Dora, Spiderman, Lilo and Stitch, and so many others. We finally found a Spongebob cake that Zander liked more than the rest (mostly because they were on a BEACH, and he loves the beach!) That was the easy part... then I had to convince him that we did not need to take home the display to ensure that he would get his cake.... he was sure there was no way it would still be there when we go back tomorrow!

Zander's birthday was great. His main gift from mom and dad was a fancy new race car bed! He has slept in a pack and play for almost the last year, and was really busting out the top and bottom! Zander and I located the perfect bed on Craigslist and went to pick it up. He was so excited when he saw it, and the nice man we bought it from had it all set up, with sheets and a lightning McQueen blanket that he threw in... the minute Zander saw it he took his shoes off and snuggled under the covers! We got it home, and I dragged it up the stairs and set it up all on my own. When bedtime rolled around he was so excited to sleep in it that he didn't get up a single time! For Dinner he wanted porquipipine meatballs and mashed potatoes, so I got to work giving him just what he wanted for his big day. When I went to mash the potatoes I relized that there was nothing in the house that we are staying in to do the job. Always creative I decided to just use the blender.... Do NOT try this! Adam and Blake thought I was making drinks, and were not that happy with the potatoes that looked closer to soup than potatoes..... but everyone ate with big smiles!

It is a funny feeling to watch my last baby grow up. I love seeing him meat all of his goals, but at the same time it is a bit heartwrenching to move him out of a crib, have him totally potty trained, and communicating anything he needs. I know I will never experiance any of this again, and it is just a little bit hard, but not hard enough to keep having babies!



It is amazing to watch my baby go from this tiny baby who almost didn't make it


Here he is as a Newborn, then at 1 year, 2 years....



To thos BOY who runs, jumps, falls, and loes being a big boy!

and 3!!

Happy birthday baby boy, you are truely the light of my life!

Inadequate

That word pretty much sums up how I am feeling lately. I SHOULD be happy.... we just moved from Adam's parents house into something that is almost our own... a stepping stone, and yet I am just very very down. We have a fabulous friend, Tina, who has an apartment in the exact area that we want to live and work for the next few years. This apartment was rented because her and her husband were separating, but in a miracle of sorts they are working through their problems and on the road to a happy marriage. They have trips planned for most of the month of June, and even when they will be in town they will probably both stay at their home. The apartment was already paid for until July 1st, and would be sitting vacant if we didn't move in.... I understand that this is all true, but still I feel a little bit like a child that cannot care for myself by living in someones Else's apartment. I am grateful, it is not that at all.... I just wish I had something to give back, but I am inadequate.
I want badly to be a good parent to all of my children... again I fall short. I cannot seem to get along with Aidan's dad no matter what I do. I want to..... I hate fighting, but that is what happens between us at every tiny challenge we meet. Right now the fighting is over stupid cell phones. He is angry that I don't answer all of the time... I will even give him the benefit of the doubt and say that I miss about half of my calls. To show me how terrible I am for not answering all the time he decided to teach me a lesson..... The time period he is angry about is May 14 (Thursday) thru May 17 (Sunday). That week Zander and I left on Thursday to spend the weekend with our friend Tina in Mesa. Since Aidan is in school Adam stayed home with him with the plan that the 2 of them would join us on Friday after school and stay the weekend as well. On Thursday I received a message from Ryan... I missed the call, I am not sure why, but he left a voicemail. When I got the message I called back, he didn't answer, so I left him a message telling him that Aidan was home with Adam, but I would have him call Friday night and check in. I also told Ryan in this message that Aidan had received an "A" on the project Ryan had helped him with for school, and that I appreciated what he did. When Aidan came on Friday we were in the middle of a big party, We were all having a great time, kids included, Aidan and Zander were having a blast playing with Tina's kids, and we lost track of time. By the time I remembered that Aidan had not had a chance to call his dad it was late, and the kids were getting ready for bed, so I told him that we needed to call his dad in the morning. (Here I go being inadequate... I forgot to have him call earlier) Saturday morning care around and I could not find my phone and did not have a phone number for Ryan memorized..... we found the phone by Saturday evening, and as soon as we did Aidan called his dad.... again we got his voicemail, and Aidan left a message. After Aidan left his message I called to check my voicemail and I did have a message from Ryan wanting to know why I had not had Aidan call Friday night as planned.... At this point it seemed to me that we were locked in a game of phone tag, each leaving each other messages pretty equally, and neither of us getting to our phones to answer them. Ryan did not return Aidan's call on Saturday. On Sunday morning he sent me a text message that indicated he was angry, and that I needed to answer my phone because he would be calling Aidan. I got this message right away, and replied that I would do my best to answer, but that we did have plans later that day to go swimming. I kept my phone by me for the next hour or so, and received no call. We went swimming and when we got back there was a message. I was sitting at the table with Adam, Tina, and Aidan and Zander were in the same room playing. I sat down to check messages, and my first message was Ryan, very distraught, and I could not really understand them. I asked the kids to be quite for a minute and I put my phone on speaker to hear better. That is when I got the message that said only "Jen, its Ryan, I have been shot. I am in the ambulance now going to the hospital, I would really like the chance to tell my son that I loved him just in case...." I panicked, I could hear in his voice that he was in bad shape. I was worried, Aidan had heard the message, and was very upset as well. I looked at my phone and that call had come in over 2 hours after he had demanded I keep my phone with me, and when I had told him we had plans throughout the day. I had a 2nd message from Ryan, left immediately after the first that started with him laughing and informing me that he had NOT been shot, but was proving a point to me that I needed to answer my phone when he calls. I did not listen to the rest of the 2nd message... I hung up my phone and cried. That was the meanest thing I can remember anyone doing to me or my child. We were both heartbroken thinking that Ryan was hurt, then to find out it was a prank..... For the next few days Aidan refused to talk to his dad. He was angry. I talked him through it, but still Ryan is mad at me for this whole thing. He says I should have made sure Aidan didn't hear that message..... I say that he should not have left it..... he will not admit that what he did was wrong and just keeps telling me I need to do better with the phone. Again everything is my fault, I am inadequate.
I am having a hard time with school right now. I do not understand art appreciation at all... I am not getting A's in that class like I should be. I just don't understand, no matter how much time I spend studying, it just doesn't click. I need to do well in my associates degree if I want to go on to something better..... again I am inadequate.
I sure hope this all clears up soon. I AM good at things, I do excel in some areas, but man those areas of my life are hidden in the shadows right now... I sure hope the light starts shining into those dark corners soon..... I could really use the boost!

Moving on, Looking up!

Thanks to the kindness of my very own personal angel, Tina, we will have our "own" place next week! Tina has a small apartment in Mesa which was a temporary thing and she will be moving out of for good on July 1st. She invited me, Adam, and the boys to stay with her last weekend, just for some fun, which it was, and while we are there she offered us the chance to stay at her apartment for the entire month of June. She will be out of town for most of that month, and told us that the apartment is already paid for until July 1st, and would just sit empty and vacant for that month if we didn't want to stay there. This is fabulous news. We have been looking for rentals, but of course everyone would like to see one of us have a job before leasing to us, and it is pretty hard to find jobs when we live an hour away and have only 1 car between us. Now we have an entire month to find jobs, find a great place to rent, and be ON OUR OWN again!!! Yay, I am so very happy!

Baby boy is growing up :(

I cannot believe that in a few short weeks my little Zander baby will be turning 3. I cannot believe that 3 years have gone by, but at the same time we cannot imagine my life without the little guy (Ok, my husband CAN but would still choose to have him around than to go back to the glorious life we used to lead with more one on one time than most couples get in a lifetime!) I really cannot believe that it his been a year since we almost lost him. Only a few days after his 2nd birthday he ingested crystal meth at his babysitters house and spent 3 days in very shaky condition in the hospital. This has given me a deep emotional scar about leaving him with anyone other than me ever. I have recently been able to leave him with his dad (that is how bad I have been, I seriously had to be by him every minute of every day!) Only last month was I able to leave him with my in laws for a few hours. I have not left him with a babysitter or daycare since it happened. That means that for an entire year Zander and I have been together virtually nonstop, every day all day.... I have 2 things to say about that: #1 I love the bond we have developed and the time I have been able to spend with him, and #2 I need a break!!

Zander is a fabulous kid, really. He is fun, he gets humor that most 5 year olds would not understand. He is smart, he can count to 15, sing the ABC's, and actually think things through and act accordingly.... that is great! Unfortunately this means he is also smart enough to do things like hide when it is time for jammies... all I have to do is walk in the direction of his clothes at night, and he disappears! He talks nonstop, in full sentences, and you can understand just about everything he says. His new favorite thing to do is to find some stranger sitting alone at the Dr's office (because between Adam and I we are at 1 of those every few days) and he will go and sit in a chair by this chosen person. He will sit quietly for a minute, but the second he gets a look from this person, he perks up with "hi, my names Zander, I'm two!" That is usually followed by a brief family history about his "friend mama" his daddy, Sissy, Dylan, Aidan, and Aiden Tanner. The he starts in on the questions. His favorite are people with babies, he will ask everything from "what is that white in your babies juice?" (Juice=bottle to him) to why are his feet so tiny?

He decided not too long ago that he was done with diapers, and he just was. I never worked on potty training him, he just did it. In fact I had decided not to worry about it until we moved, but he had other plans. For a while he went around with no pants on, but quickly moved to undies... he skipped ever really needing pull-ups, but I do put them on him if he goes out without me, just in case. Ever since he made this decision he has not had a single poopy accident (phew!) and very few pee accidents (most of which are caused by trying to aim for something unreasonable!)

The bad part of this is that no matter what I do he yells that he has to stop and pee anytime we are on a deserted part of any road... I think its a scam! (He does love to pee outside.... wonder who he gets that from!)

Adam and Zander have become great buds, which is something that I have wished for for about 3 years now. They love to take walks together, or just snuggle. Zander will even lay there and watch golf on TV if it means he can snuggle daddy! He lights up when anyone in the family get home, and even if they were only in the driveway they are usually greeted by a huge running hug and Zander yelling "I'm so glad your home!" It is pretty dang hard to not feel great about yourself with that reaction!

He has requested a Dora theme for his birthday party..... his brothers will not be very amused I am sure.... but I thought I could at least give him the cake. I am hoping that we have a kitchen by the time we celebrate his birthday, because I thought it would be great fun to do a big upright picture of Dora and Boots, and make the map and "pack-pack" out of cake. I am not a cake goddess like The mother of my stepkids, Jenna, but with Lyndsays help we made some pretty cool nemo and dory cakes last year :) We will save his party for when we can be with all of his siblings at once, because that's how he likes things, and also any party is more fun with my stepkids around!

Thing I should have said

I wish I had some guts in me! Living with my father in law has become pure hell. He obviously resents me and the kids presense in his house... I don't blame him but man oh man can he be mean! Zander has had a cold for a couple of days. Last night he was probably at the peak, and was just plain sick. He was up alot, and since Adam had a class today I spent most of the night snuggling and rocking Zander in the living room. We were as quite as you can be with a sick 2 year old. I didn't turn on the TV or any lights, we just laid on the couch and occasionally talked quietly to each other. A few times we fell asleep and Zander woke up and cried for a minute, but he was not loud by any means. At about 6 am my father in law came into the living room, looked at us, growled, and walked back into his room. Yes he GROWLED at me! This is a grown man! I was appalled and took Zander into my room and didn't come out until the house was vacated. I look back a few hours later and ask myself WHY!? Why didn't I say something like "excuse me, did you clear your throat?" or even a nice chipper "good morning" but no, I said nothing. Instead I go into my room and cry. It is crazy., but I honestly don't feel welcome in the closest thing to a home I have. I really do spend most of the time that he is home in my bedroom, working hard to keep Zander in there.
Sufice it to say I am really hating this part of my life..... I don't know if I can make it to the end of the transition without either a breakdown or a murder... hmm, maybe I should go visit my sister!

The good

There is good in our lives! That is important to share with all my friends and family to!

On top of the good list is that Adam and I have NEVER been closer to each other. We have got past every single issue that has plauged our marriage, and there is nothing, not a thing in the world that we are not in sync with each other on! I have never had anyone tell me I am beautiful many times every day, for years straight, it is so nice! I never imagined it could happen, but we are more in love than we were when we got married!

Also on the good list is my fabulous little Zander boy. He is almost fully potty trained now. He wears pull ups at night, and if I think he might fall asleep while we are out, but otherwise he is accident free! His whiney-ness has mostly gone away, and he is just a fun, sweet little guy. He loves nothing more than snuggling with me or daddy, or both if possible. He adores Aidan, but mostly he is just a very very nice boy. He is extremely obedient, he may be the only 2 year old I have ever seen that will come to an immediate stop while running if we tell him "stop" He knows what is allowed and what is not, and yes he does push buttons and break rules, but if he is told not to do something, he will stop. He never hits or hurts anyone on purpose, and if he does hurt anyone he will say "I'm sorry, it was just an accident" and usually kiss it better for you. He has become daddy's little buddy, and the bond they have truely warms my heart on a daily basis. He is a dream come true, and really is the perfect compliment to Adam and I.

We had the best date night in the world last week. My in laws watched Zander while Adam and I went to a movie, then we met up with our best friend Tina and went to my favorite place in the world for dinner, the Outback. We had some great food, and good company. The 3 of us then went on to see my favorite singer of all time, Stephen Ashbrook. I used to go see him live every week, he played at a small club in Tempe every week before he got a record deal and moved on. He comes back to Tempe every few months, but this was the first time since Aidan was born (so 9 years) that I have seen him live. The last time I saw him I was about 8 months pregnant with Aidan and was really into the show. Somehow I managed to get pushed right to the front of the stage area, and he grabbed my hand and had me dance on the stage with him. I was horrified at the time, but it is now a great memory!

My medical problems are still around, still a problem, but there is a team of doctors working on them for me. I have a GI doctor working on my intestines, the spot on my liver, and my spleen. I am getting an MRI of the liver to see if they can tell what the spot is. If it is a hemangioma then they will just watch it because a biopsy is too dangerous on those, if it is anything else it will be biopsied to determine what it is (and hopefully that it is not cancer) I am having a colonoscopy in early May to get a good look at all the problems we are facing with my intestines, and to remove the infected polyp that has been causing problems. I got the MRI on my back and neck from the car accident and although I don't have the results yet I did get a call the my Dr. referred me to a pain specialist next week, so we will see what comes of that. I also have to see a urologist. It turns out the Urinary infections I have gotten so easily for the past 2 years are not that at all, and instead something wrong with the unirary system. For now I am on a medication that makes me pee florescent orange, which would be a fantastic pratcial joke to play on someone... I just haven't picked my victim yet, but If I give you anything to eat, make sure there is no pills stuffed in there! Ha!

Adam feels like his foot is healing, and will have an xray next week to be sure of that, so that is good news. He CANNOT wait to get back on his feet!!

Love to all, and sorry for the past few depressing posts :)

Time to move on!

We have been in a life transition for about 8 months now. Zander sleeps in a playpen and Adam and I and Aidan have air mattresses. Every article of clothing I have accessible to me is in a suitcase. The boys have a set of Ikea Boxes that slide into shelves that keep their clothes, Adam's are folded and stacked on top of the shelf.... this setup is in the hallway of my in laws house.





We sold our house in Show Low faster than we had ever hoped. We happily packed up our stuff and moved into our camp trailer thinking it would be 2 months at the most. We parked in the front yard of my parents house and had a pretty good chance of winning some sort of redneck of the week award. It was a happy time fore all of us. We were quite sure that Adam had a spot at the University of Hawaii. We promptly sold everything that had anything to do with snow or cold.... big mistake! A court date got moved back and we did not know if we would be allowed to move until after the date that Adam would have had to accept was past. That dream kind of went down the drain at that point.





In September I was in a car accident that totalled my car and left me unable to work. I was eventually asked to leave my job because I was never there, they needed my office for someone who showed up once in a while. The months passed, and by October it was getting cold. We stayed in the camper as long as we could bear it, but the cold got to us and we had to move in to my parents house. We sold the camper to supplement our income since I was out of work, plus we still has hopes of getting the court thing out of the way and moving to Hawaii at that time. We moved into my parents house. My parents house is beautiful, it is also 2 bedroom and 900 square feet total. Fortunately the company was good, and we all got along quite well. Aidan got his way a little more than usual, and Zander got used to taking naps snuggling up to his Mimi, but those are the sort of things that grandparents are supposed to do so it was fine. Nice even to have my boys bonding so closely to my parents. After about 3 months of living in harmony in that little house it got a little bit more claustrophobic for everyone, about that time Adam needed to take a 5 week class in Phoenix so we decided to stay with his parents who live in the valley until that was over.



So we took our carload full of possessions and set up shop in my in laws house. They were so nice as to let the boys have their beds in their office so that Adam and I could have our own room for the first time in many months! That was in January and we are STILL here! The general feeling is quite a bit more tense in this house than we are used to. Adam's dad gets quite angry for things that I feel we have no control over, such as us using HIS water to shower and bathe the kids (that is one of those sensitive issues) He is not used to sharing his house with loud kids, and even though he loves them to death, that drives him nuts. While again it has been nice to have the kids and grandparents get to know each other, and grow closer, I think everybody is ready for this transition phase in our lives to be over.

The problem is that we still don't have answers from all of the schools that Adam applied to, so we still don't know where he will go to school and therefor where we will live. It is pretty hard to get a job when we could be packing up and moving far away any time now, and it is impossible to get even a short term rental without any income..... so that leaves us stuck for now. but any time now we could get an acceptance from any of the schools Adam applied to, and if that doesn't happen he will re take the prep course and take the LSAT again in June to apply all over again.... hopefully it won't come to THAT!

For now we are anxiously awaiting the day we can claim a home as our own again.... soon I keep telling myself!

Who's the boss?

You tell me who wears the pants in my family?
Here was the conversation a few days ago...
Adam: I think I want to try 1% milk and see if I could tolerate it now, it is so much better for you.
Me: That's disgusting, I can't drink that stuff!
Adam: I really love milk but hate drinking all that fat
Me: yes but that fat is good, studies show that kids should drink whole milk, I am already
compromising with the 2% milk. If you want 1% you could just pour a glass of milk and add water to it :)

I thought the conversation was over until yesterday in Safeway. When we went to check out what kind of milk was in the cart... yep 1% I just rolled my eyes and him and said OK, you win, but I am NOT drinking it!

I am not sure if this qualifies, but

I really think I may be in the midst of an emotional breakdown. I cannot stop crying at the drop of the hat. I have massive anxiety attacks many times each day, and when I lay down at night for bed I feel that there is a 50 pound weight on my chest.... I honestly cannot breathe. I just lay there and my mind plays over all the issues and problems I and we as a family are going through. I am very irritable the last few days, my poor kids.... but really I am just sad. And I am angry that THIS has become my life. I want a bedroom. I want to come home after a bad morning and lay on my bed for 20 minutes with the door closed and recharge. This would be so therapeutic for me.... but it is not to be right now. I am really struggling friends and family. I love everyone, but I don't know where to go from here. I am scared. My mind does not seem like my own sometimes.... I guess that really doesn't make sense. I just needed to get this out there.

You never know where you might find love :)

I have found a new best friend in the stangest way possible! My husband and I have both found lots of old friends using facebook, and he has got back into contact with a lot of friends from High School. One of the friends he recently got back into contact with was his high school sweetheart and first love Tina. My husband is of course completely respectful of me and I was fine with him talking to her, and was happy to oblige when he suggested we meet up with her and go hiking. I was shocked to find out that not only did I think she was nice, but she and I clicked like I haven't clicked with another girl in years. I admit that I have not been real open to new friends for the last few years. I have been perfectly satified with my husband and our kids, but hanging out with Tina I saw what I had been missing! Instantly we could talk about anything, she is nice, has a beautiful laugh, and smiles alot. All great things in my book. And an added bonus is that not only does my husband already like her, but my kids fell in love with her just as fast as I did! (In fact Aidan told me "mom, I think I'm in love" Of course he said this right in front of her!

I am looking forward to many more fun nights hanging out with my new BFF!