Lots of old pics and vidoes here

We have been having a blast lately uploading pics and video, some very old, like when Lyndsay was a baby, and some new.... check them out :)

Photobucket Album

How do you have fun in New Mexico??

Well, if you are us, and have awesome parents and friends that will go with you it is easy! We went to Albequerque this weekend, our awesome friend Dirk who recently moved to Virginia invited us down as he had to teach a class. We haven't seen them in a while, and we missed his wife and kids, but it was great to see him. We spent a day at the aquarium and the zoo. Zander had more fun than I have ever seen him have at that aquarium, the kid is so in love with fish. Big fish, little fish, any fish you can find. I am not joking when I say we sat in front of the big shark and ray tank for over an hour with him pointing at every fish that came by and laughing his head off. We have a saltwater tank at home and his favorite thing to do is to climb up on the stool I keep there for him and just watch them. Adam's parents came with us, and Aidan got to spend the night in their room, which was the highlight for him, it was great to spend time together and just have fun. Pictures will follow soon
:)

when it rains it pours

most of you know all the problems I have been having with Aidan recently, so this post is mostly thearapy for me, not trying to just make a big whine fest here! Aidan has this ability to make me feel like the biggest failure in the world, he is the only 8 year old I know that TRUELY HATES his life. He talks about suicide often, leaves notes in his room to the same effect, cries all the time, he is just a miserable kid. I tried the ADHD meds for a while, he was alot calmer, but the dr's though MAYBE they were causing his emotional t roubles, so now he is hyper and can't focus, and still hates his life. It feels like I do NOTHING but punish him. He is ruining me, he is taking a toll on every aspect of my life. I feel like a huge failure as a mother, I am foccusing so much on this that I am letting things go around the house, at work, so I feel like a failure there, I am to mentally exahusted to give Adam or Zander the love and attention they really need and deserve, this is just killing me.
Aidan was baptized yesterday and came out saying "I feel like I have a brand new life" but today he was back on the suicide talk. I am scared to death when I take him to the Dr. this week they will want to hospitalize him..... I have had multiple people offer to let him stay with them for a while to get through this rough patch (his father is NOT one of these people) I just don't know what is right, but I know that this sucks@!!!!!
Another thing very upsetting to me was that today in church Lyndsay said she would go up and bear her testimony if I would.... I brushed it off as too embarrassing, but the truth is I just don't have a testimony. I can't really tell anyone this because I will look like a freak, but I have never felt the spirit, or had a sign from god, or had a prayer answered, I try to do good, and do the right thing, and teach my children the ways of the church, but it is hard when I just don't feel it.... I wish I had a strong testimony to help get me through this time in my life...