Moving home!

In only 1 more week my family will be back together, under 1 roof…. I am so excited!  We are moving back to Pinetop, well I have been back since the end of March, and Adam and the kids have been bring trailer loads of our stuff every weekend except for 2 weekends that I have gone back down to the valley.  We got an amazing house right across from Blue Ridge High School, and I got a great job that I absolutely love less than half a mile from home and it is going great!  Being apart has been hard, really really hard but it is almost over and I couldn’t pass up this job so in the long run it will be worth it.  The house is amazing the location is perfect and it is much bigger than what we have been living in for the last few years.  There is a guest room in the garage as well as a big loft where guests can stay so we have plenty of room for visitors!  We have 2 living rooms, which of course means that 1 is turned into a game room, we have a pool table set up and the salt water fish tank is in the process of being set up (I am so excited about that!!)  There is a Jacuzzi on the back porch and the boys wasted no time setting up the trampoline and a fire pit in close proximity to the back porch as well so we can have people by the fire, people in the Jacuzzi, and people on the trampoline all at the same time!  Our back yard is a popular place for deer to graze in the mornings, what an amazing site that is while having breakfast!  I think we all love this house and feel so at home in Pinetop, it is such a good feeling to be “home”

Aidan & Aidan April 2012

Last weekend I went to the valley for Aidan’s last band concert of the year, he did great!  The last song they played was party rock anthem and about half the kids had the guts to get up and dance for a little part of the song, Aidan was of course one of the most enthusiastic dancers in the group, he was so darn cute but so grown up at the same time.  He is turning into an amazing boy.  This sweet picture is of Aidan and Zander right before the concert, and and a cute shot of Zander at the park.

Aidan & Zander May 2012

Zander Sky

Oh the funny things you hear (and see) when you live with 3 boys and a husband!!

Warning, much of what I am about to share here is highly inappropriate, at least in my mind, but it is so funny that I can't help myself. I need a written account of these things to make me laugh in the future, and maybe to use against a boy or 2!





Zander is by far the easiest to start with because that boy is a crack up!! He is a darling, sweet, loving, little ball of laughs! Zander has said some pretty dang funny things, I want to remember them so here you go. We were running the Pat Tillman run last year in Tempe and I was pushing a 4 year old Zander in a jogging stroller. we passed a lady who was quite pregnant and Zander innocently asked me "mommy, does that lady have a baby in her tummy" I smiled at him and said that yes she did. We kept running and a while later we passed a lady who was on the large side, he again gave me the sweet look and instead of any question I might have been dreading he simply said "and that lady has her baby in her BUTT!" Needless to say I picked up the pace and prayed that the lady had not heard and didn't laugh at ALL until I was well out of earshot but man that was a funny one!


One day I came into the bathroom to check on Zander and he had all his clothes off and was sitting on the floor of the bathroom with his head down between his legs. I looked for a second, trying to figure out what on earth he might be doing before I asked him "Hey man, whatcha doing there" to which he very seriously replied "mom, I just found out my penis has its own brain!!" All I could say was WOW!! Zander is at this great age where at 5 he is fully involved in school and friends, but he is also a lover, there is nothing he loves more than to snuggle. Weekend mornings he is almost always in my bad by 5:30 or 6, he will knock at the door and ask us if he can come snuggle us, he gets right in there with his dad and I.... he likes to have at least 1 of his body parts touching each of us, and as soon as he has that he will be back asleep in seconds! He also loves to snuggle on Dylan, he fell asleep last night on Dylan in what we call Koala pose, he will lay on you stomach to stomach and wrap his legs around your stomach and arms around your neck. I am quite sure Dylan has never been snuggled as much in his life as he has in the past 6 months living with Zander!





Aidan is funny in his own way, he as come into his own identity this last year. He loves his hear long and he loves anything to do with music. He sings alot, he dances almost as much. He doensn't get so upset anymore about being teased, he told me that he knew that if he was going to be different from the mainstream 12 year old boy people were going to make fun of him and he chooses to be different and put up with the teasing rather than try to be like everyone else. I really love that attitude! Aidan is ALWAYS happy to help around the house, he we ask him to do a chore he will do it and do it with a smile. Aidan is super smart but is lacking a bit in the "street sense" area. He likes to use big words and phrases but sometimes doesn't stop to find out the true meaning.... one such incident was when he had a girl at school who had a bit of a crush on him. She asked a friend to tell Aidan that she wanted to be his girlfriend, and instead of telling the friend he wasn't into that idea he decided to "be extra nice and talk to the girl himself" I think that was super sweet but when he told me what he actually said to the girl I think time just stopped for me. He was talking to me and said he went right up to her and said "I really like you but I'm not ready to make love with anyone yet" Yep, he said he wasn't ready to make love.... I asked him to repeat to me exactly what he had said and that was it. I asked him what he meant by make love and he said "you know, get married and be together forever, maybe even have kids someday".... WOW!!! When I told him that he had actually told this girl he just wasn't quite ready at the age of 11 to have sex with her he almost died. His face just dropped and he sat there just waiting for me to tell him I was joking.... wow was he embarrassed!

Dylan in himself is just a barrel of laughs, its hard to describe what it is that makes Dylan so funny, but he keeps our whole family in hysterics. The 1st time I saw him drink a Monster energy drink and he would not walk around the house anymore, he did somersaults from his room to the couch and ran around with his head down like he was a human battering ram.... Him and Adam wrestle all the time and even though the are both getting hurt it makes me laugh so much my stomach hurts! Dylan gets hyper around bed time and wants dad to play with him... he is a 16 year old ball of energy at this time, he follows us around and tried to get his dad to play with him, or watch tv with him.... any attention will do! He has been known to use one of Zander's toy swords and jam it in our bedroom door when Adam tries to close it.... over and over! Sometimes the only way to get rid of the kid is for his dad to say "Ok, I'm taking my clothes off now so leave!" The amount of "That's what she said" and "Your mama" jokes has increased for sure but life is about fun, and fun is what we are having around here lately!

grattitude

I am so grateful for my life right now. I feel so blessed by the people I have close to me for many many reasons but I have one story in particular I wanted to share. I have been stressed about finances during the Christmas season before but this year I was beyond that, I was defeated. There was no reason to be stressed because we just didn't have the means to go into debt for Christmas, and we just didn't have money to buy presents, so I was defeated and I was sad. I had resigned myself to the fact that our kids were going to get very very little. I didn't talk to anyone about this, I didn't complain or whine, in fact I didn't want anyone to know and feel sorry for me so I just put on a happy face.

About 2 weeks before Christmas we were playing a board game after dinner and had a knock at the door, it was 3 men from our church caroling, it was really nice. They brought us some delicious treats and a card and gave us a great reason to smile, they also gave us a 2Nd card and said it was from the bishopric of the church. I put the 2 cards aside and we finished our game and ate our treats. A little while later I went to hang the cards up and when I opened the one from the bishopric instead of a card it contained money, enough to buy each of our kids a couple of presents. My eyes filled with tears and I quickly went into the bedroom and called Adam in to show him where the kids couldn't see me crying. I told him that I had never in my life been the recipient of such a generous act of random kindness before and the feeling of just being loved was overwhelming. We hadn't told anyone that we were having so much trouble and that Christmas was going to be so hard, they just knew somehow and decided on their own that we deserved to be helped when we had never even hinted that we wanted help.... these people couldn't have known that we have no credit cards to charge presents on or parents that can buy tons of gifts for our kids but they decided that we deserved this gift. I am still just so touched.
As if that wasn't enough 2 days before Christmas we had another knock at the door, this time it was a stranger, he said I know you have no idea who I am but I was asked to deliver this and handed me a box of wrapped gifts with the names of the 3 boys that live here on the gifts, there was even one for the entire family and 1 each marked mom and dad. The tags say from Santa, someone went out and purchased gifts for my entire family, and then without even wanting credit for this good deed sent them over as a surprise!!! I have no idea who to thank other than god! I can't even put into words how I am feeling, I wish I knew who did these things so I could thank them.... my husband and I decided that for sure when we are on our feet this is something that we would like to do for someone during the holidays! Paying it forward is the best thing I can think of to do!!

Of course I am grateful for the non-material things in my life as well, we are doing great as a family, Dylan living with us has been great and I love having my family together. I am so thankful that I have a job and can keep busy right now but this gift just brought to the front of my mind how nice people can be!

Custody case is over! A Late update ;)

I know that I have friends and family that have been asking about the custody update, and I have given them bits and pieces, promising a full explanation as soon as possible.... I have been a slacker with this but finally decided to just get it done.

So here is my disclaimer: To my Ex-Husband and anyone who gets upset when I mention him............. you should stop reading right now because this post is all about the court battle we went through over the last year when he wanted to take custody of our son from me. This is my blog and is written from my point of view. I am not trying to slam anyone here, just give the facts from my point of view, so if reading will upset you please just move on to something else at this point. Thank You! :)

Most of you know the background but I will fill it in real quickly. In 2007 Aidan's dad was arrested for beating up his stepson. I know this resulted in some time in jail and a felony conviction (I don't know if it was child abuse or domestic violence) and the loss of his teaching licence. I know it was a hard time for him in many ways but I didn't know much other than he was in jail for beating up a child, and my son was a witness to this beating. Using that information I went to the courthouse and got our joint custody order changed to me having sole physical and legal custody and his father being allowed supervised visits. We stuck to this for a while allowing Aidan's dad to visit him at our home or meeting him at a park or something until Aidan, Adam, and I all felt comfortable that Ryan was stable enough to resume overnight visits. These visits remained in effect for a couple of years, sometimes Aidan would feel uncomfortable and would ask to not go for a certain visit, or to come home early, and I insisted we abide by those feelings that I thought were very important coming from a boy who had been through so much.

In the summer of 2010 I made a decision to take the boys up to Arkansas for a while and see if I could put things on my end of life back on track, that was around the same time that the felony conviction Ryan had was getting close to dropping down to a misdemeanor. He decided to bypass all communication with me and just go to the courts and try to get sole custody of Aidan, not joint custody, he wanted to go for it all. I came back to Arizona right away since that is the one thing the initial judge had a problem with. The boys and I stayed with my parents for a while I got a few things sorted out and in December we moved back in with the love of my life, Adam, and were all happy to have our family back together.

Court took forever, we waited and waited and finally in June had a hearing. Prior to that Aidan was able to go in for a private interview where he talked with a caseworker about his thoughts and desires on the case. The hearing was hard, I was terrified, I needed Adam to keep Aidan and Zander who were both scared they would be separated, so I was on my own. Ryan came in with his wife and his mother, neither of who like me much and it shows..... I had to work hard to keep my confidence but I think I did ok.

I went in there offering to give Ryan joint custody with a very fair visitation schedule made up. The judge never even asked to see that schedule. Ryan wanted sole custody of Aidan giving me reasonable visits until the time that my family may move back to the white mountains (which Ryan has always known was the plan, before he moved down here) at that point he had it so that Aidan would stay with him and see me very little due to school and distance with the way Ryan wanted it. Aidan was really upset by this idea, he has always thought his home is with me, even though we have moved more than we liked we have stayed a family and His dad has had and lost 2 stepmom's with siblings for Aidan in just a few years and just last year introduced family #4. Aidan is very nervous about loving people who might be out of his life in the future as has happened a lot before.... this is one of many reasons he feels "safe" with our family (in this context I am saying emotionally safe)

So we went to court, we made our arguments, lots of dirt was brought up on both sides. I volunteered to give Ryan Joint Custody and also to take random drug tests because Ryan was worried that I might still be taking some prescription drugs that did strange things to my mind. Ryan stuck with wanting custody of Aidan, he really wanted final say on all legal, medical, religious, and educational decisions. He provided a long letter to the judge stating why he beat up a 14 year old boy in 2007 and how he really shouldn't be held responsible for the events of that night. (the final decision states "Father's written explanation of what happened in exhibit 29 (Police Report) was not the least bit persuasive to this court, and tried to convey the message that due to the boy's misbehavior, Father's reaction was somehow reasonable"
He provided a statement to the judge about child support stating that it really shouldn't be a big deal that he hadn't paid in 3 months because The State would take his taxes and give them to me so I could just wait.... as if I can wait on the expenses I have to pay to raise our child until tax refund time.... whatever! Ryan's outward hatred for me was very clear, as was his lack of respect for his obligation to pay child support. Luckily, he made his opinions very well known to the court, and the judge responded appropriately in the best interest of Aidan.

The decision finally came in and while I was fully expecting it to be the joint custody I had offered I had a little fear, and Aidan did as well. The order was this:
"The Court Finds that it is in the child's best interests for Mother to be awarded sole custody
It is further ordered that mother shall have sole legal custody of the child
Father is to have parenting time every other weekend and on a holiday schedule."
I feel like I got what was fair and am totally happy with what happened, I wish we didn't have to go through the whole thing but am so glad it is over. I find it frustrating that Ryan got significantly less than I had offered him throughout the past year, and it seems his stubborness backfired on him. Maybe he will realize that his feelings toward me should not taint his relationship with Aidan, but so far he has not been able to do it. I am thankful I had Adam to help guide me though representing myself for the last half of the mess and saving a TON of money!

Sorry it took so long to update you all, I love you, thank you for all your support during this previously stressful time in my life!

Life changing moments....

This year has been full of them, most of the ones in the last 7 months have been really good changes.
2 weeks ago my oldest stepson, Dylan who is 15 moved in with us. At first I wasn't sure what to expect, our house was already pretty cramped, Adam is gone most of the time with school, I wasn't sure how he would feel about the close quarters with Aidan and Zander but I have to say that Dylan moving in has been one of the best things to happen to our family in years. He fit in from day one as if he had been living with us all along. He is amazing with Zander.... his patience is never ending. If Zander wants to play some silly game or just sit and make faces at each other Dylan is his man! Adam is so happy to finally have one of his older kids back in his home full time. Dylan is such a good kid, he is always willing to help around the house, with a smile... no matter what we ask him to do. He is happy and he is fun to be around. I really think having him here has bonded my husband and me.... our whole family, even stronger than we were before. Zander is in heaven having his big brother around and Aidan is over the moon... Dylan has always been his idol!

Today Adam is finishing his last class of law school.... HE IS DONE!!! I am so proud and happy for him! He can't take the bar until Feb. but to have the pressure of law school off his shoulders is such a huge thing! I am feeling good and starting to look for a job. the 3 boys start school in early August, my baby is going to Kindergarten, how did that happen???

Our house is a happy and peaceful place right now and I am so so thankful. I am confident that Dylan's move will change the lives of everyone in this family for the better!

He's a whole hand now!

Today Zander, my very last baby, turns five! I can't believe that 5 years have gone by in the blink of an eye. He has changed before our eyes from a perfect sweet little baby who wanted nothing more than to be loved and held into a smart independent big boy who will still pick being loved and snuggled over most things :)

My pregnancy with Zander was amazing, we were all so excited to be bringing him into our family. Adam and I were so happy to have a child who would never have to go off for a visit with another parent, we missed our other kids so much when they were gone and it was so exciting to have a little bit of a distraction to fill the void when they were gone. The boys were happy to be getting a little brother..... Lyndsay was initially disappointed that Zander was a boy and not the sister she had been hoping for but then she came upon the bit of wisdom that if he was a boy she would forever remain daddy's one and only little girl, and she kinda liked that!

Lyndsay has always been a girl who is beyond her years and at the age of 12 she was very involved in the pregnancy. She was on conference call for the ultrasound to find out the sex since she was in California at the time, she was constantly telling me not to carry things, or lift, or skip meals.... it was like having a midwife watching me whenever she was there! I loved it. She loved to rub my belly and get Zander to kick, we could lay in my bed talking and playing with my belly for so long in the evenings. After getting special permission from her mom it was decided that Lyndsay would be in the room with Adam and I for the birth. Zander was actually due on June 19th and Lyndsay was supposed to come for the summer sometime around June 10th, should have been no problem, but as she was visiting for labor day my Dr. told me he could come at any time and we got a bit worried. Lyndsay started taking me on long daily walks, jumping on the trampoline, eating spicy foods together..... we were getting quite worried that she might miss the birth and that would just be sad. 2 days before she was supposed to leave we decided to give Castor oil a try but nothing seemed to happen.... we kind of gave up and Adam and I decided to take all 4 kids to the movies for some fun. About 1/2 hour into the movie the contractions started but after paying for 6 movie tickets we were staying for that dang movie! I spent most of it in the hall or bathroom and when it was over we went right to the hospital with all the kids in tow.... I'm sure we were quite the sight! Lynz and I were so excited, the baby was coming and she was going to be here to see it! We got checked in to the hospital and grandma came to pick up the boys for the night.

The birth didn't go quite as planned, in fact I had to have a C-section so Lyndsay had to wait in the hall but she was a trooper and was still one of the first to see her little brother, and was there for me from the time we went in to the hospital and after the baby was born. She was amazing!

Zander had to spend a few days under oxygen to help his lungs but was otherwise perfect. Since we could only touch and rub his body but not really hold him for those days the minute he was released he was held 24/7, and he loved it! He turned into the baby that just wanted human contact at all times, and he had a mommy and daddy who were happy to give it to him!

He grew up so fast, I don't know how old he was but I know that other than mama and dada his first words were "DILWAY" (Dylan" which was always yelled" "SIS" which was Lynz and "Show-ay" which was shower. Those words summed up his favorite things.

Daddy Loved to pose him in things like pots and baskets of apples..... the favorite I think was the tiny tents set up at camping stores, Daddy loved to put the baby anywere a baby wouldn't normally be found.... that's my hunny... that's why we love him!

Now at 5 Zander has actual friends, he gets invited over to people's houses.... without me! He is excited about starting school this year, he is growing up and I am so very proud of him..... and so happy that he still starts every day with snuggle time with mommy and daddy if he is home, just 10 minutes of laying together and hugging and talking about how we slept starts his day off in the right direction and I love that about my boy!

Happy Birthday Zander Boy, no matter how big you get you will always be my baby!

the best looking boys in town!

This is how we woke up this morning..... Adam was already off to school and I told Aidan to be quiet while getting himself ready to not wake his brother up. He looked at me and said "mom, Zander's not here" Just as I suspected I found him sleeping soundly snuggled up to his grandma who had spent the night with us. They both looked pretty dang content!

Here is a cute shot of my 11 year old Aidan right after
his band concert, proud as can be!

I should also mention that he rocked getting the principal's honor roll award today,

straight A's and lunch with the principal! Smart and cute!

Sweet Zander tying to mimic his brother's look :)

Aidan getting ready to perform his big solo during his band concert/

He ROCKED IT of course!

Aidan hanging out with his sweet girlfriend Ashley..
Cute aren't they!?

So there you have it, my pride and joy. I have the most amazing sweet, smart, and compassionate boys I could ever imagine. I love them more than life. I attribute the way they are greatly to the influence my husband has on them, you can see it in their jokes, their personalities, and the way they love to do things as a family.

Adam Todd Staley, I couldn't have made these guys into who they are without you. We all love you Alpha Dog!