This week a longtime friend of my families died. This woman was like a 2nd mother to me and my sister. We grew up with her kids and traded time at each others homes. I have not kept in contact with the kids, but I have with her. In fact I saw her 2 weeks ago, and we talked and showed the newest pictures of my kids, and her grand kids to each other. She had a routine knee surgery and developed a blood clot afterward. She told her husband she didn't feel right, and to call her Dr. he went to the kitchen to get the phone and came back and she was gone. Her husband tried to revive her until the ambulance got there, and the EMT's did all they could. She was gone... just like that. No goodbyes, no warnings. She leaves behind a brokenhearted husband, and 2 adult daughters who need their mom. Her oldest daughter has been in and out of rehab, and her mom was her rock. What will happen to her now? Her younger daughter has health problems and just had her 2nd baby. I attended the funeral this morning, it was heartbreaking. Her daughters did a beautiful job of getting up and giving a life sketch of the mom that they loved more than anything. Then the typical prayers were said, words about how it is okay because she is with Jesus now, how her family will be reunited in heaven someday, but does that really make anyone feel better right now, or a year from now? I don't feel the love from our heavenly father right now, I don't feel the holy ghost comforting me right now. I live my life right, I am a good person and live a life that I know heavenly father would be proud of. So why do I feel no comfort? Why do I feel only anger that god would take someone who was so loved, so needed, and just plain good. She was healthy, she was happy, she was nice to everyone she ever came into contact with. Our world is full of people who are bad and do harm to others, and yet they are allowed to live... why?
I guess mostly I am just scared. My husband had a blood clot after a knee surgery also, but caught it in time... he could have died. My mother is not in good health and through the entire funeral I thought about how easily she could go. It would not be fair, but it could happen. I know that it will be me up on the stand, telling the story of my mother someday, and that breaks my heart. And my heart is broken for the 2 girls I watched do that today.
The entire Kay family is in my heart and prayers. You are all loved, and I am here for you anytime. I hope you find the comfort you need!
Ann Kay (January 29, 1956 - December 12, 2008)
2 comments:
Jen,
Loosing a parent/loved one, is incredibely difficult. Sometimes when we feel the most alone and the most despair that is when God and Jesus are with us more then ever. It's hard to understand why things happen...especially to people who are so good. God's plan doesn't always make sense when you are in the moment, but sometimes looking back you can see the bigger picture. When I lost Joe, Two years ago on my dad's birthday, it was like loosing my Dad all over again. I never knew such despair. I know now that Joe could help me more from Heaven then from earth and that he can help so many others there, God needed him home. I hope you can find some comfort and that you have a Merry Christmas.
i know how much pain you are in, i cant beleive she is gone, i have so many memories of ann, i was with her and her family allmost as much as i was at home. she was a big part of my life and it is hard to know ill never see her again. i dont know how the kids will cope because i dont think i could. im sorry i couldnt be at the funeral.
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