Full Circle

That is how I feel my marriage has come to at this point in my life.
When Adam and I got married we were more in love than any 2 people on the planet (ok, I may be biased, but that is how it felt.) We were best friends, we did everything together, and loved it. We worked together, building houses, so we were by each other's sides 24/7, and we enjoyed every minute of it. We both had our kids from our first marriages, who we both loved fiercely, but those kids would go to their other parents houses for about half of the time, leaving alot of time for the 2 of us to connect. And connect we did! We went on trips to Hawaii, Las Vegas, Colorado, New Orleans, Arkansas, St. Lewis... places that I had only dreamed of visiting before him. We spent countless nights curled up on the couch with a blanket, a bowl of popcorn and movies, we would spend many Sundays in bed or in our huge 2 person bathtub. It was bliss and we didn't even know it. We were best friends and did everything we did together. We had friends, and we did do things with them, but mostly it was the 2 of us, we were rarely apart for anything. When the kids were with us we focused on family activities, and I think this is why I have such a great relationship with my stepkids. We did alot of camping, hiking, movies, and yes even trips. Family was and still is the focus of our lives. We have a great family, and we are so very blessed that the 7 of us get along as well as we do!
I won't lie, When Zander was born it put a big cramp in our lifestyle. We had grown used to that time alone, we had also grown used to our kids being older and more capable.... less draining on our (mostly my) time. It started out with him fighting for his life under oxygen, we could not hold him for the first 5 days of his life, and it crushed us both. We both begged god to spare our child, we thought that Zander would be nothing but another bond for us to share, and to bring us closer together. When Zander pulled though and we were able to take him home we doted on him, we smothered him with our love, and he was rarely out of the arms of his loving parents or siblings. About 3 months later we were ready to get back to some sort of normalcy, but by that time he was spoiled and wanted to be held and captivate all of our attention all the time. He had a scream that made it hard to say no! Eventually he became more of a wedge between us than a bond. We missed out time alone, we missed the financial security that while he had nothing to do with us loosing, was gone by this point (due to Adam breaking his back causing us to close down the construction company, the main source of income) We loved, and always have and will love, little Zander, but there was also a small amount of resentment there, from both of us. To try to minimize this on his dad's side I did everything in my power to make sure he was a good by when dad was home... this further spoiled him, not a good idea!

This last summer when Zander almost died from a drug overdose at his babysitter's house was a turning point for both of us. We both relized that while yes Zander had changed our lives, we wanted that change, and would do anything to keep it. We again begged god to spare our boy, and again our prayers were answered. There have of course been ups and downs since then, but that was the begining of the path back to where we started.

Now as we are about to move and make a fresh start (wherever Adam gets into school, but we will know soon) the circle is about to close. When we visited my sister last month we had a major reconnection between us. We have never stopped loving each other, or being best friends, but that spark from the very begining, that I didn't even relize had faded came back in a huge way! No matter what we are leaving Show Low, which is great for us. No matter where we move it we will be together, and that is really all we need to succeed. We have been living either in a camp trailer or my parents one spare bedroom with Zander, Aidan, and sometimes the other 3 kids, so whatever house we get is going to feel like a mansion to us! We will have a bedroom again... wow! I have seen Zander and Adam bond in a way that I never got to see a father and son bond before (I was divorced from Aidan's dad at this point in his life) There are few things that will warm my heart more than seeing Adam laying on the couch, and all he has to do is put his hands out and Zander will race across the house and get up there and snuggle with him every time. They go on walks, motorcycle rides, and feed the dog together. It is awesome.

Along with this amazing bond I get to witness Adam and I are bonding on a level even deeper than we had before (and this is when I thought we loved each other more than any 2 people on the planet.... wow I can't even describe what I feel now!)

The good life is right on the horizon right now. We may end up anywhere in the U.S., and I don't care where it is. I will have the love of my life and my kids by my side, and that is all that matter! I am so thankfull that we got through the last 2 years, and that "WE" are back in a way that I never imagined!