saying goodbye

today we got a contract on our house, it is bittersweet for me, I want it to sell, in some ways I am ready to move on, but I love our house, I love the lawn, the fenced yard, the garden, my fish..... the list goes on and on. We have 30 days to close, and still don't know where Adam will be going to school yet, so we have NO IDEA where we are moving to.... I am thinking the toy hauler and a storage unit temporarly! Wish us luck in our move and admission to schools!

The family is back together!

It is so nice to have my whole family back together in one house, and one unit. When I first married Adam I had no idea how attached I would become to his children, in fact it was the one thing about him that scared me. I had heard and still do hear so many horror stories about stepparenting, stepkids, and that delicate relationship... I have to say that what I have experienced of that is very minimal. I get alone Great with 2 of my 3 stepkids, and the other one I get along with pretty well, but he is the youngest, and in my opinion the one with the most anger of his parents divorce, so whatever bad feelings he has towards me are not his fault, and I love him because he is just a little boy who doesn't know any different. He is not mean to me, just sometimes acts as if I don't really exist in his world. He has been through alot, and none of it is his fault, so I don't even consider our relationship to be strained, I look at it like "in time he will love me like his brother and sister do". I am fortunate that theese kids have been raised by both their mother and father to put niceness as a top priority in their lives. I am truely blessed to have them in my life. When most women who have stepkids talk of the summer visits, they says it with dread, a bad look on their face, even a little shiver, I look forward to our 6 week summer visit all year, I LOVE having everyone together in one place, not spread all over, I love the chaos that comes with 5 kids, I love the way the kids laugh and play together, they all do truely mesh in a perfect way.

We spent a few days in Mesa after Zander's hospital stay (he is perfect now, symptom free, and his doctor said that he ASSUMES that Zander ingested crystal meth, and it was out of his system by the time I got him in... the babysitter is under investigation) we swam at the water park at Adam's parents house, and then adam stayed behind to do some remodel work for his dad while Lyndsay, Zander, Aidan wolfe and I came home. Lyndsay has this way with me, I just can't say no to her.... she is too cute and too sweet, and she openly admits that she rarely asks for anything because she knows if she saves it up for the important things she will most likely get a yes..... so, I ended up sleeping outside on the trampoline with her and Aidan the other night, and she insisted on funnel cakes for breakfast yesterday, even got a recipie online so I couldn't get out of it.

It is shaping up to be a fabulous summer. My extended family is in town right now, (grandparents, aunts and uncles) and we are enjoying our time with them, Adam will be going to Moab Utah with a few friends this weekend for some bike training as he has decided to ride in a "double century" race.... that would be riding a bike for 200 miles.... this man is CRAZY!!!!!! The race is in August in Utah, so we will make a little vacation of it, that will be fun. other than that we plan on lots of camping and fun family activities!

Go with your gut!!

I know alot of you have heard, but here is the story, and update..... love you guys!

I really need alot of prayers around here! My little Zander has been in the hospital, and we still don't, and may never, have any answer to why.... the dr has said it is either shaken baby syndrome, or he ingested poison or more likely drugs at his babysitters. I have never really felt right about this babysitter, but on this mountain, I just couldn't find anything else that wasn't 4X's the price, and I know you can't put a price on your baby, but we just didn't have the money.... Last Wed. I dropped him off and he was fine, I picked him up at around 3, and he was sleeping... she said he had missed his nap and just fallen asleep. So I took him home, and we get home and he is all excited to see daddy as usual, so he gets out of the car and tries to run into the garage to see daddy, but he can't even walk.... he would take a step or 2 and fall down, and he was very obviously dizzy every time he got up. we laughed a little and said he looked like a drunken sailor who just got off the boat, and he must be very tired...... so he asked to go to bed at about 5, so I put him down and he slept like a rock until about 5 am, when he woke up he seemed normal, layed in bed with my and snuggled for a while, but when I put him down to get up he again couldn't walk. My husband said 'there is something wrong, you need to take him to the Dr. it's probably an inner ear infection' So I made a dr appointment for later that day.... my husband had to leave for Phoenix, 4 hours away, and I was supposed to go to, we were picking up his kids from thier mom for the summer, and he had to stay down and study because he took his LSAT on Monday. Well I get zan to the Dr, and he looked at him for about 30 seconds and said this kid needs the er, I'll call an ambulance, I said no, let me drive him, just tell them I'm coming, so I took him in to the ER, by then he had thrown up on my and spent the day very lethargic and dizzy. So I called my husband, who was out of service and left a frantic message, and rushed to the ER. We got there and hooked him up to the machines and his vitals were crazy, heart rate going from 135 to 115 to 128 to 130, just all over the place .... oxygen stats were only 82, he had no fever but was burning up to the touch. they blew 3 veins trying to get blood, finally got it on the 3rd try, had to use a cathader to get a sterile urine sample, then did a ct scan, which showed a 'black mass' on his brain then did a spinal tap, which they took 3 times to get right, and they had to put him under anesthia for that, so he needed and IV. His bloodwork showed muscle and tissue damage, which could be from being shaken or a substantial injury, his spinal had blood in the spinal fluid, but they said that COULD have been from having to do it 3 times, he had to stay in the hospital for that whole day and the next whole day, he needs an MRI to see the mass on his brain better, so that is on Thurs, the soonest they could do it..... I am just praying that it is not a tumor..... he seems much better now ALMOST back to normal, and I am just watching him closely right now.... and NEVER going back to that babysitter.... cps is investigating her. Please pray for little zander! Thanks!

Dieting, excercising, and other not so fun stuff

I have been trying to loose about 20 pounds that I put on while on steriods a few months ago.... I don't get it, but this time I have had real trouble! All my life I have hovered around 100 -110 pounds, and when I have had babies or other things make me gain weight I have always lost it without even trying, this is not so anymore! I have been eating better (this is the big challenge for me, as I LOVE bad food!!) and excercising as much as a 2 year old will allow.... I run on the treadmill and he come and puts his cars on the back of it to watch them fly off.... I ride my bike, with him in the trailer of course, and he reaches up and grabs my rear wheel... this is the way my excercise goes. So I have cried, gotten mad, and cried some more, but all of a sudden over this last 2 weeks I have seen some results. I am down 6 pounds in 2 weeks, which is awesome, and I have taken up either a walk or bike ride in the evenings. It has been fun to walk or ride with just zan and adam, but I am excited to get all the other kiddos back up here! We will be picking them up on friday and are looking forward to an awesome and busy summer!

giving recognition to my awesome hubby!!

Hopefully he will read this and get a nice surprise :)

I could not be more proud of the way he is sacrificing by going back to school at 37, giving up everything his has know and done his life so far. He has impressed me by the way he has been studying for a test that most people just take with no preparation. I just know that he is going to score sky high on his LSAT, get into a great university, and in 3 years, which will just fly by, he can be a practicing attorney!!

I am so excited to see where the future takes us, we will be moving somewhere, I am still crossing my fingers for Hawaii, but we have to consider all schools, the proximity of both of our ex spouses (although we both agree that we cannot move somewhere just because our ex is there, as both of our ex's have moved around quite a bit, or will be doing so in the future.... it would suck to decided to go to school in LA just to have his kids move again, then we are stuck there.... ) so we are just weighing all options, cost of tuition, area, visitation issues, and most importantly the reputation of the law program.

It took some time, and lots of heartache, but I have found the love of my life, and we have the best little angel we could wish for in Zander... the perfect mixture of him and myself, and boy do we make a cute kid!!

If you are reading this, I love you hunny!