There are so many ups and downs to having a split family..... in ours we mostly have the ups, and not alot of the negative stuff that I hear about so often, thank goodness! I am lucky to be in a rare split family where we ALL truly love each other and respect each other.
Adam is just as much a dad to my Aidan as his dad is.... Aidan and his dad have had many ups and downs the last few years, and he has come to rely heavily on Adam as his dad. We never pushed him to call Adam dad but one day over lunch he just asked Adam "will you be my dad" Adam said of course Aidan, you do still have Ryan as your dad but I would be happy to be a dad to you. From that day on he has called Adam nothing but dad. He decided last year after Ryan was arrested, which led to a series of unfortunate events all of which the Dr.s involved think brought out the bi-polar disorder in him that he would be going as "Aidan Staley" instead of Clark, he insisted on writing this on all of his school papers, and even wanted his Soccer jersey to say Staley. Fortunately he has gotten past that and is getting along great with his dad right now. I love that he loves Adam, but I also think his dad is important in his life, and I try very hard to keep that relationship as alive as possible.
My relationship with Adam's kids is different that his with Aidan, but also very loving and rewarding. I am not a mom to them, and never try to be. I love them as my own kids, and they give me the love and respect of a parental figure, but they have a great mom who I would never try to replace. I am close friends with all 3 of my step kids. It took a couple of years for us to fall into the right groove, but once we got it things have been mostly smooth sailing. I know that I have never once looked back with regret or sadness, in fact I thought that a split family would be much harder than it has turned out to be.
The addition of Zander to our family has given us more of a "core family" Adam, Zander, and I are together 100% of the time, we are a very close little family, and then Aidan is with us about 85% of the time, but he does have another family, and other experiences outside of the realm of our family. Adam's 3 kids come on a pretty regular basis, they spend almost 1/3 of their time here, so we get to do alot of family activities and vacations, we get to have them involved in almost all of our big memories, even if we do have to move christmas or thanksgiving every other year, we just don't celebrate unless the entire family is there. Adam still gets depressed for about a week every time his kids leave us, but now he does have Zander to help fill the void in a small way. In no way does it replace him having his kids with him, that is what makes him the happiest in the world, but it is so nice to see him cuddle up with Zander when he is feeling sad and I know that gives both of them some comfort. The 4 older kids are 100% a part of this family, but we have to understand that they do have lives outside of us..... it is devastating to Adam when he misses a pinewood derby or a baseball game or a dance recital. I see the sadness and the tears in his eyes when he gets the replay over the phone. I know that it will always hurt to miss out on those things, but we have our core, and that will never change, and that makes everything else a little more tolerable
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