Nine years ago today

Today is my sweet Aidan's 9^th birthday! I have no idea how 9 years have flown by without me noticing, but I am very proud of the young man he is becoming. I remember being so excited for my 1^st baby boy to be born. Being a first time mom I of course went in to the hospital at the first sign of a contraction. I was living in Phoenix at the time and my mom was 3 ½ hours away in Lakeside. I remember calling her and saying "do not come down here yet, but I am going to the hospital to check if I am in labor" After I was told at the hospital that I was having nothing more than the normal Braxton hicks contractions I tried to call my mom back only to be told that she had got in her car and was on way down to be with me. She arrived at my house that night and announced that since she was already there her and my sister would just stay until the baby came. 10 days later I finally gave in to her requests to give the old castor oil trick a try. I went in to real labor that day. After way too many hours of labor Aidan came into the world. He was special in that his dad and I got to pick his birthday….. his head and shoulders were out at 11:59 P.M., the rest of him was not out until 12:01. The Dr and nurses on staff asked us what we wanted for his birthday we decided on the 29^th, since his dad's birthday is January 29^th.

I don't remember a whole lot about being in labor. I know I had a epidural and didn't feel a thing, which for me made it an amazing experience! The Dr. put a mirror at my feet so I could watch my baby be born. The first few days are a blur, but when I held my boy for the first time I fell head over heels in love. Aidan was a fabulous baby, always happy and sociable. Breaking him of bottles was easy, pacifiers were a bit harder as at the ripe old age of 12 months when I decided to take them away he was smart enough that he hid them EVERYWHERE in my house! In the toes of rarely used shoes, in the floor heating vents, in the cupboards in the kitchen…. You name a place and there would most likely be a pacifier there! Aidan was exceptionally smart from very early on. He had quite a few of his favorite books memorized by the age of 18 months, and he would "read" them to me all the time. He was also especially adorable (or maybe I am biased) Aidan has been a rock in my life. He was my lifesaver when his dad and I divorced. I adored him and he brought me joy and happiness in the darkest times of my life.

As you can see Aidan has a heartmelting smile, and loves to show it off! He also has loved his aunt Angie since the day he was born..... they have a special bond that I have never seen in extended family before, and they have kept that bond strong over many years and many miles!

I won't lie, the last few years in Aidan's life have been tough ones. He has lost 2 stepfamilies on his dad's side, he witnessed his dad punish his 14 year old brother in a way that his dad was arrested and convicted of felony child abuse, he was diagnosed as manic depressive and with bi-polar disorder, and then we sold our house and have lived first in our camp trailer and then at my parents house for the last 6 months. He has seen too much and known too much heartache for any 9 year old boy to get through, and he has pulled through it all and come out a better person. He now has a closer relationship with his dad that I can ever remember him having. He also loves and trusts his stepdad (there was a period where he put up a wall, after losing 2 stepmom's) He still has that wall at times, but for the most part he just loves.

Aidan has grown into a great big brother to little Zander, and I know that even though he is not always nice and sharing with him, he loves that little guy more than the world.

Since we are still in Phoenix at the resort we took Aidan to see the new Adam Sandler movie Bedtime Stories, then had a impromptu party in a grassy area off the highway. We picked up a yummy chocolate grasshopper cake that he picked out at Safeway, and he got to open his presents before his dad came and picked him up for a few days visit.

I love you my Aidan boy, never forget that!

Christmas…. Staley Style!

Christmas with a blended family can get tricky, but we have the holidays pretty well coordinated where we get my Aidan and Adam's 3 kids for the same holidays each year. Since Zander is still so young he doesn't notice if we celebrate Easter a week early, or Christmas a few days late… I hope that he will just grow up this way and accept it as he gets older, we will see.

So this year we had only Zander for the actual Christmas day. We didn't do a whole lot, but since we are staying with my parents they did want to give the little guy a few presents on Christmas morning. We also went through with the normal holiday tradition of driving around and looking at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve, Zander was very impressed with all the pretty lights and mostly with the Santa's.

Since we are staying with my parents in a 900 square foot house, and our family lives in 1 of their 2 bedrooms, we thought it would be better to get all the kids and spend a few days at a hotel in the warm Arizona sun in Phoenix. We brought all the presents, and the stockings Santa had filled, and checked into the hotel early on the 26^th, then drove out the get all the kids. We brought them back to the hotel and had a great little set up….. We didn't get to have a tree, but our Christmas bear that has been in the family for as long as I have did a fine job of filling in! We all had a blast opening our present and everyone got what they wanted. Lyndsay got a beautiful pair of UGG boots, Dylan got a new mountain bike so he can enjoy another fun hobby with dad, the Aiden's both got MP3 players, all charged up and preloaded with each of their favorite songs, Zander got a truck that has forward and reverse buttons on it that you push and it drives, it also plays music….. Adam and I gave each other the gift of staying at this great hotel for a few days, but he also got me some great warm boots which I love, and I had a few small things for him as well his favorite being a good pair of swimming goggles which he has been using every day since we have been here.
Our Christmas bear stood in for a tree this year

Zander got to play santa and hand out gifts this year

Lynz got her Uggs! Daddy and his little girl!

Adam is an amazing deal finder. He found us a suite at the Hilton Tapitio Cliffs Resort for under $100 a day! There are 8 pools, all heated to a nice 84 degrees, a big water slide, Jacuzzi's at each pool, tennis courts and an awesome workout room. The weather has been great, today it was almost 70! Zander loves the water more than any baby I have ever met, so between that and having his brothers and sissy here he is in heaven! We have been just relaxing, laying in the sun, and enjoying each other 100%! We are staying at the resort until the 31^st, then we are off to Lakeside to spend New Years with my parents, then we will come back to Phoenix to spend the kids' last few days with us with Adam's parents. Lyndsay and I have a plan to get massages while she is here, I have a gift certificate for 1, and she has never done it before, and we deserve a girls day out every once in a while!

Here are a few pictures of our awesome Christmas…. With a family like I am blessed with life just doesn't get much sweeter than this!

Dylan would be so proud...

Zander is taking after all of my other boys in thinking that farting is the coolest thing on the planet. At 2 years old, great! This morning I thought he was sleeping, and he let out a huge toot, then he giggled and said "mom, I toot BIG!!" Very proud of himself. He has just learned the difference between big and little, hot and cold, so he loves to use those descriptive words all the time. I adore his vocabulary. He talks in short sentences, and can count to 15 now! He is one rockin little dude!

I also made a huge accomplishment today, after 4 days Zander's first ever haircut is complete! I guess I let it go too long because he is officially terrified of scissors! I tried the salon, I tried distracting him, letting him watch in the mirror, you name it! Then I waited till he fell asleep for his nap the other day and thought "hey, this is the perfect time!" Unfortunately even though I took the harder road and didn't wet his hair he woke up, and he freaked! He shakes his head violently and screams, so for the past 4 days every time he takes a nap I did just a bit..... Adam was not amused! But I am happy I finally got it done. It is not done well, but it was the best I could do with a very hard subject!

How do you not get angry with god?

This week a longtime friend of my families died. This woman was like a 2nd mother to me and my sister. We grew up with her kids and traded time at each others homes. I have not kept in contact with the kids, but I have with her. In fact I saw her 2 weeks ago, and we talked and showed the newest pictures of my kids, and her grand kids to each other. She had a routine knee surgery and developed a blood clot afterward. She told her husband she didn't feel right, and to call her Dr. he went to the kitchen to get the phone and came back and she was gone. Her husband tried to revive her until the ambulance got there, and the EMT's did all they could. She was gone... just like that. No goodbyes, no warnings. She leaves behind a brokenhearted husband, and 2 adult daughters who need their mom. Her oldest daughter has been in and out of rehab, and her mom was her rock. What will happen to her now? Her younger daughter has health problems and just had her 2nd baby. I attended the funeral this morning, it was heartbreaking. Her daughters did a beautiful job of getting up and giving a life sketch of the mom that they loved more than anything. Then the typical prayers were said, words about how it is okay because she is with Jesus now, how her family will be reunited in heaven someday, but does that really make anyone feel better right now, or a year from now? I don't feel the love from our heavenly father right now, I don't feel the holy ghost comforting me right now. I live my life right, I am a good person and live a life that I know heavenly father would be proud of. So why do I feel no comfort? Why do I feel only anger that god would take someone who was so loved, so needed, and just plain good. She was healthy, she was happy, she was nice to everyone she ever came into contact with. Our world is full of people who are bad and do harm to others, and yet they are allowed to live... why?

I guess mostly I am just scared. My husband had a blood clot after a knee surgery also, but caught it in time... he could have died. My mother is not in good health and through the entire funeral I thought about how easily she could go. It would not be fair, but it could happen. I know that it will be me up on the stand, telling the story of my mother someday, and that breaks my heart. And my heart is broken for the 2 girls I watched do that today.

The entire Kay family is in my heart and prayers. You are all loved, and I am here for you anytime. I hope you find the comfort you need!

Ann Kay (January 29, 1956 - December 12, 2008)

AAH HA AND OH NO!

This has been an interesting week. Aidan had a few snow days last week so we got out of town. We took off in Adam's truck for a road trip, just the 4 of us, not much in the way of music, no DVD players, just family, and it was fun! We stopped at the Routte 66 Dianasaur museum, which was a bit of a let down for the adults, but great fun for the kids! We talked, read stories, told stories, did our best to entertain the 2 year old that hates being strapped into anything, and talked some more. We are in the midst of some major life changing decisions, one of which is where to move, so the general purpose of this trip was to look at some different law schools. On the way home, Sunday morning we were cruising along the freeway and the truck just decided to stop running. We were about 100 miles from the next decent sized town, so we were lucky that it drove at all, but had to go about 30 that whole way. We made it into Albequerque and found out that all the service shops were closed until Monday. I told my sob story to a nice guy at the hilton that was right off the freeway, and he gave me an unbelievable rate, so we planned to stay the night and get the truck fixed first thing in the morning. We settled in to our room, raced down to the swimming pool, which we were so excited about because not only was it indoor, but it had a water slide! Great fun for all boys! Unfortunatly we got to the pool only to find out that the slide is only open during the summer, but that didn't stop my boyz, Adam and Aidan figured out that if Aidan climbed up the slide and Adam stayed at the bottom and splashed it over and over, Aidan could slide down pretty well. He slid in every manner possible, on his butt, on his Knees, on his stomach, on his back.... the last thing he tried was crouching and standing up when the "tube" part of the slide was over... that didn't work so well, but he laughed alot!

On Monday we found out that they needed an extra day to get the parts, so we were stuck for another night :(

The truck breaking down was the major Oh No! moment of the week... it cost way more than I care to talk about to fix, plus the 2 nights in a hotel.... Yikes, Christmas plans changed just a bit!



I had a few AAH HA moments to..... you know those times when something happens and it just clicks in your brain. One of these was with Zander, he is such a funny boy, he is 2 1/2 and a fabulous talker. He can say anthing you ask him to, and he knows what most of it means. He talks in short sentances, and he actually makes sense, which is nice with a 2 year old. He can also count, which amazes me. He can get to 15 on an almost regular basis, and everyone is always asking me how I taught him to count so well at such a young age. I can't remember What Aidan did at what ages, so I really don't know if he is as awesome as he seems, but most people seem impressed. Well while we were at the hotel we all went down to the workout room. Adam was running, Aidan was running backwards, I did my 30 minutes on the treadmill (I won't lie and say I was actually running) then I got on the floor to do my other excercises. I was doing crunches and Zander ran over and got on my legs, like he always does when he see's me on the floor, and I kept doing my crunches, counting quietly to myself. He immediatly started counting for me, since he didn't think I was, and it was then that I relized that THAT is where he learned to count! I do crunches often, and he is almost always on my legs, so we count together. He has learned enough now that he can actually count items!

Another moment was when I relized that Zander gives hugs just like Aiden Tanner used to when he was little. He was always the best hugger! He still is, but he is a 9 year old boy now so he is a little more reserved than a 2 year old. My only other experiance with toddlers was Aidan, and from the ages of 2-4 Aidan had a stepbrother (one of his dad's wives) who had pretty severe autism, so Aidan displayed alot of autistic tendencies at those ages. I think he just did what he saw from his stepbrother, but he sure was not a cuddler. In fact he went through a stage when if anyone touched him at all he would throw himself on the floor and scream. It was sad, and hurtful, my stepson hugged me with much more gusto and frequency than my own son. Now I have a genuine cuddler for a son, and it is just great! There is nothing Zander loves more than to lay on the couch with either me or dad and just snuggle. In fact he often asks out of nowhere " mom can I snuggle you?" Now how do you resist that one!!!

So, that is a summary of our week..... now we are on to Christmas prep... fun fun!

Full Circle

That is how I feel my marriage has come to at this point in my life.
When Adam and I got married we were more in love than any 2 people on the planet (ok, I may be biased, but that is how it felt.) We were best friends, we did everything together, and loved it. We worked together, building houses, so we were by each other's sides 24/7, and we enjoyed every minute of it. We both had our kids from our first marriages, who we both loved fiercely, but those kids would go to their other parents houses for about half of the time, leaving alot of time for the 2 of us to connect. And connect we did! We went on trips to Hawaii, Las Vegas, Colorado, New Orleans, Arkansas, St. Lewis... places that I had only dreamed of visiting before him. We spent countless nights curled up on the couch with a blanket, a bowl of popcorn and movies, we would spend many Sundays in bed or in our huge 2 person bathtub. It was bliss and we didn't even know it. We were best friends and did everything we did together. We had friends, and we did do things with them, but mostly it was the 2 of us, we were rarely apart for anything. When the kids were with us we focused on family activities, and I think this is why I have such a great relationship with my stepkids. We did alot of camping, hiking, movies, and yes even trips. Family was and still is the focus of our lives. We have a great family, and we are so very blessed that the 7 of us get along as well as we do!
I won't lie, When Zander was born it put a big cramp in our lifestyle. We had grown used to that time alone, we had also grown used to our kids being older and more capable.... less draining on our (mostly my) time. It started out with him fighting for his life under oxygen, we could not hold him for the first 5 days of his life, and it crushed us both. We both begged god to spare our child, we thought that Zander would be nothing but another bond for us to share, and to bring us closer together. When Zander pulled though and we were able to take him home we doted on him, we smothered him with our love, and he was rarely out of the arms of his loving parents or siblings. About 3 months later we were ready to get back to some sort of normalcy, but by that time he was spoiled and wanted to be held and captivate all of our attention all the time. He had a scream that made it hard to say no! Eventually he became more of a wedge between us than a bond. We missed out time alone, we missed the financial security that while he had nothing to do with us loosing, was gone by this point (due to Adam breaking his back causing us to close down the construction company, the main source of income) We loved, and always have and will love, little Zander, but there was also a small amount of resentment there, from both of us. To try to minimize this on his dad's side I did everything in my power to make sure he was a good by when dad was home... this further spoiled him, not a good idea!

This last summer when Zander almost died from a drug overdose at his babysitter's house was a turning point for both of us. We both relized that while yes Zander had changed our lives, we wanted that change, and would do anything to keep it. We again begged god to spare our boy, and again our prayers were answered. There have of course been ups and downs since then, but that was the begining of the path back to where we started.

Now as we are about to move and make a fresh start (wherever Adam gets into school, but we will know soon) the circle is about to close. When we visited my sister last month we had a major reconnection between us. We have never stopped loving each other, or being best friends, but that spark from the very begining, that I didn't even relize had faded came back in a huge way! No matter what we are leaving Show Low, which is great for us. No matter where we move it we will be together, and that is really all we need to succeed. We have been living either in a camp trailer or my parents one spare bedroom with Zander, Aidan, and sometimes the other 3 kids, so whatever house we get is going to feel like a mansion to us! We will have a bedroom again... wow! I have seen Zander and Adam bond in a way that I never got to see a father and son bond before (I was divorced from Aidan's dad at this point in his life) There are few things that will warm my heart more than seeing Adam laying on the couch, and all he has to do is put his hands out and Zander will race across the house and get up there and snuggle with him every time. They go on walks, motorcycle rides, and feed the dog together. It is awesome.

Along with this amazing bond I get to witness Adam and I are bonding on a level even deeper than we had before (and this is when I thought we loved each other more than any 2 people on the planet.... wow I can't even describe what I feel now!)

The good life is right on the horizon right now. We may end up anywhere in the U.S., and I don't care where it is. I will have the love of my life and my kids by my side, and that is all that matter! I am so thankfull that we got through the last 2 years, and that "WE" are back in a way that I never imagined!

Heartbreak and thankfulness

I have a friend, I won't mention her name, but her life situation has been similar to mine. She was married before, and had kids during that marriage; it ended with an ugly divorce shortly after my marriage to Ryan ended. We went through the trials of single motherhood, dating, dealing with angry exes, and loneliness together. I found my dream man fairly quickly as far as these things go, and felt bad to be leaving her behind in a way. About 2 ½ years later she finally remarried, after a few casual relationships and one serious one that didn't work out. I was so happy for her. Her new husband had kids, her kids got along great with his kids, it seemed perfect. She was there for me when Adam and I lost our first baby together, and was overjoyed when I got pregnant with Zander…. Even more overjoyed when she found out she was having a baby about a month later! We got to go through pregnancy together, both of us having our youngest kids being 7 at the time it kind of felt like we didn't know what we were doing.

I have just learned that her marriage is ending; this breaks my heart on so many levels. Her kids will not only go through another divorce, but this time they will be losing family members for good. They will likely never see their stepdad or stepsibling's again. They are very close to their siblings; they are heartbroken, as is my friend.

This has made me so grateful for what I have been blessed with in the way of my family. I adore my step kids, and losing them would be like 3 of my children dying at once. I never try to be their mother, they have a great mother, but I think I play a pretty important role in their lives. I know that they love me, and I think of them as my children. I worry about them when we don't hear from them for a few days, and my house is defiantly empty when they are not here. Aidan would be devastated if he lost them or if he lost Adam, and I think that Adam would feel the same.

Adam and I have a great solid relationship. We are truly best friends, and even though our marriage has been put through quite a few trials during the last 2 years (adding a baby to the mix, selling our house and having to stay with my parents, Adam breaking his back and needing to make a huge career change, I could go on and on) I honestly think that we have and will continue to get through each of these trials as partners and friends, both committed to making this marriage last forever. I have no doubt that we will always be together, but seeing my friend, whose life has closely mirrored mine, (heck she even decided to go back to school this year after I did) has made me think about how lucky I am to have the awesome family that I do, and I will remember to tell them today and every day that I get a chance to just how much they mean to me.

My prayers go out to you sweet friend, no one should have to go through what you face right now, and for the next few years. You will get through it and come out a stronger and better woman. Mr. Right will walk into your life one of these days and sweep you off your feet. You deserve a lifetime of happiness, and you will get it. I love you.

The joys of potty training.....

Since we are so close to making a big move I havn't done much in the way of potty training Zander, but by some stroke of luck he seems to just get it. Well, I sould revise that and say he gets it as long as he is naked.... put a diaper, pull up, or underwear on the kid and he is so lazy he will just use it no matter what I do.
So, at my sisters house he was running around naked alot because she wanted her son Tristan who is about the same age to see him use the potty, and hopefully pick up on it. He did great, he has not had a single accident in at least 6 months, as long as he is naked...... My sister had a little potty seat set up in the kids bathroom and a box of the Kando wipes by it. So one night he went and used the potty seat for #2, which is great, what is not great is that he decided he could do it all himself, and never even told us he needed to go. He made an attempt to wipe himself, and then decided to empty the potty seat and empty it into the big toilet like he had seen me do every time he peed. Well he is not that coordinated, so he got the bucket part out, but then he spilled it down his leg, on the floor, on the potty seat, on the bath rug..... then just sat down in it and cried. I went in expecting him to just be whining but found what appeared to have been some sort of terrorist attack on the bathroom. Wow it was gross!
So you would think I would have learned my lesson, but not me! A few days ago he pee'd in the big toilet at home (we don't have a potty seat) and since he is obsessive he has to put the toilet lid down every time he uses it, and I had told him he had to do it softly and he dropped in on his little winkie, so now he stands there and yells mom, help every time he pees or poops because he just have to have that darn seat down. Yesterday I was putting away groceries and talking on the phone and he was yelling mom help, I just ignored him thinking it was the toilet seat thing and he would eventually just give up.... well a minute later he came out of the bathroom still yelling mom help, and I looked at him to tell him to chill out and he had poop running down his leg onto his foot...... and on my parents brand new carpet! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I have learned my lesson this time and have been running to his every yell of mom help! Wow it gets old considering the kid drinks about 6-8 12 oz cups or bottles a day, and he pee's a T-O-N!

You have now been warned, if Zander calls for help and you ignore him you might live to regret it!!

When did this become okay?

I am so appalled by the way women in general treat their husbands. When did bitchy become cool? I watch shows such as John & Kate +8, Everybody loves Raymond, King of Queens...... I love these shows, but the wives are horrible to the men. They are so condescending, mean, they use sex as a weapon, which is never okay. I see it in real life as well, I have friends who I love, but I see them treat their husbands like nothing but a paycheck. I have 1 friend who insists that since she stays at home with the kids and that is her "job" she needs to be paid for it by her husband..... WOW! I would give a lot to be able to stay home with my kids, but I have to work. There are bills to be paid, and a woman's job is to not only take care of the children but to take care of her husband as well, and that means doing what we can to alleviate stress, even if that means getting a job. We sit around and wonder why the divorce rate is so high..... well if we say 2 bitchy or condescending things to our husband every day for a week, and he just takes it, then when we do make a mistake they are way more likely to blow and a small thing can turn into a huge fight because the poor husband has been feeling picked on for a week, and now gets to let it out.
Lets end this now.... make it a goal to just be nice. Be nice to your husband, even if that means not saying something mean every time you want to, I bet in the end it will pay off big time!

Woo Hoo!!!! I finally have a car again!

Thanks to Craigslist, and a very diligent and sweet husband, I am no longer living life without a car! I am so excited, I hated not having a car, I hated the guy that hit me for driving off unharmed and unaffected.
We got an older minivan. It is not much, but it seats all our children and it runs, which is all I ask for. We were able to pay cash for it, which makes it even better, because I hate being in debt! We drove from one end of Arizona to the other looking for this and a trailer, we got lucky and found both today!
Next time you read this sweetie, thanks a billion!

Family reunion.... sort of :)

If only Lynz, Dylan, and Aiden T. had been with us we would have had our whole family together in 1 place... even with a small family that seems just plain impossible to do! We had such an amazing time out in Arkansas, it was even worth the 1000 mile drive to get out there (coming home the same distance was not so worth it!) It was so awesome to see my baby sister raising her babies, she is such a fantastic mom! Her kids are not only adorable, but they all 3 have the sweetest, loving personalities I have ever seen. I need to take a few notes from her on this one! Aidan, Zander, and I drove out there first, and had everyone to ourselves for a few days, then my mom flew out, then a few days later Adam and my dad joined us. Angie arranged for Aidan to take Tea Kwon Do lessons with her daughter Elizabeth who is 4 while we were there. It was awesome for Aidan, he just loved it, and he was GOOD! Elizabeth taught him to count to 10 in Korean in 2 days, and the instructor was super impressed. Zander got to play with his cousin Tristan who is 1 month younger than Zan, and everybody got to love on baby Cole. It was a time that we will never forget. My kids are devastated the last few days without their cousins, and my sister says her kids are to. I hope we can get together more often after this, it looks promising to me!

1 Class down!!

I just finished my first course on my path to my associates degree in business. This was a business and society class which I thought I would ace no problem.... imagine my surprise when the first assignment I did came back with a C! I later found out that this was because although my assignment was perfect, I used knowledge from my brain and didn't cite any references. I learned that lesson quickly! I got all A's and B's from there on and finished the class with a B+ Not bad considering I have been out of school for 13 years, and I did the class in 5 weeks, but I am determined to improve. I would love to get out of this with mostly A's. I feel so proud of myself, I am doing something for ME, I am not depending on anyone to help me through this. I feel very independent in this portion of my life right now, and it feels pretty darn good! I even resisted the urge to ask my husband to proofread my papers because he is a much better writer, and he is much smarter than me. I did this 100% myself! Now on to my next class...... please don't let it be algebra, that is the only thing I am really scared of!

Only 1 thing could make this week better

and that would be to have my hunny here with me. He will be here on Wednesday, and I can't wait to see him. I think this is the longest we have ever been apart! 9 whole days, and boy to I miss him!

The Kids minus Tristan

I have been having a fabulous time with my sister and her beautiful family. She has kids close in age to mine. Lizzie is 4 and her and Aidan are great buddies. Angie arranged with Elizabeth's TeaKwonDo teacher to allow Aidan in on her lessons since she is currently the only one in the 4 year old class and he has loved every minute of that. They play together all day long, and then they snuggle together all night, this is about as cute as you can get!

Tristan is 2, 1 month younger than Zander, and I can't believe the love between those 2! Little Cole is 3 months, and defiantly the cutest baby I have ever seen in my life. He is all smiles and coos, the only time I have heard him cry is if he doesn't get fed for about 10 minutes after he starts fussing a little.... he is PERFECT!

Beautiful baby boy!

Zander giving Tristan some love

Tristan and Cole Lookin good!

Zander loves "baby Cole"

The naughty Tristan and Zander have decided that they are super sneaky, and every night after we put them in bed we will hear noises and one or the other has climbed out of his bed and into the other's (Tristan has a tall loft bed and Zander is in a crib across the room) both boys can climb in and out of these beds at will, but most nights they end up playing instead of sleeping despite the warnings they get and we have to separate them. It is very cute and I need to get pictures. Last night I came in to find Tristan dead asleep in his bed and Zander shining a flashlight in his face saying "Tristan...... wake upppppp" funny but wrong :)

My sister and I have had some great bonding time. It is amazing to see my little baby sister all grown up. She is an adult! She is a mom, and a great one at that! She gets up and packs her husband a nice lunch every morning, plays with her kids, cleans her house.... all the things a mom and wife do, but this is my baby sister! She has grown up so much in the last 5 years, and I could not be prouder of the beautiful woman she has turned in to. I love her so much.

Her husband Mike is a saint. He works long hours, then he comes home and first thing he does is pick up anything the kids have left out before dinner, to give my sister a break. They have a nice family dinner every night, then he plays with the kids, gets them into jammies and read stories, he has included my kids in this routine since the moment we got here! I have never really got the chance to know my brother in law very well, but I am in love with him (in the sisterly way of course) He is the perfect man for my sister, they compliment each other so perfectly and the love they have for each other is obvious in everything they do.

More pictures will come in the next few days. Adam will be here Wed. which has all the kids very excited, but not near as excited as I am!

Off to see my baby sister!

Aidan, Zander and I left this morniny for our 15 day trip out to Arkansas (yeah this is about 19 hours cooped up in a car with 2 hyper boys... fun fun! I had to stop to sleep halfway through, and wouldn't you know it, I got checked into a hotel and am too excited to sleep! Just like me!) to meet the newest member of our family, Cole Wolfe Rogers. We will arrive late afternoon on Tuesday the 4th. My mom will be joining us on Saturday the 8th, then Adam and my dad will fly out on November 12th (this would be the day after Adam undergoes surgery for his shoulder... he is one tough cookie! The whole plan for this trip was for Adam to run in the Tulsa marathon on the 16th, but he injured his knee and will not be able to run as planned... what a bummer! My niece Elizabeth convinced him to join us anyway, she is 4 and has a way of getting her way... she is way too cute to resist!

Angie has a special bond with all of our kids, Aidan's bond to her is the strongest because she was very involved from day 1. She was there for his birth, and when she was taking child care classes at the local college his was her official test subject (meaning they got a lot of time to play together! He adores her to this day, and that feeling is returned. When she was pregnant for the first time she was scared to death that she would never love her own child as much as she loved Aidan.... she was wrong of course.

Lyndsay and Dylan have deemed her the "fun Aunt" she will climb trees with them, get stuck in trees by herself, she is always up for a wrestling match or just chasing wild boys around a park for hours.... I have no idea how she keeps that level of energy up, but she does rock with the kids!

Angie and Aidan at his 7th B-day party Angie letting those grubby fingers feed her cake

The beautiful Elizabeth


Tristan and Zan Summer 07 Tristan and Zander hanging on a tree

Can you believe these 2 are only a month apart??

I am so excited to see my sister after over a year, I can't wait to see her new baby boy, and I just love my niece and nephew...... living far apart is sooo hard, and I am about to make this aspect of my life quite a bit harder in the near future. that I admit does make me sad.

Angie and I have had this love hate relationship all our lives.... we hated each other growing up, then right about the time she graduated high school I was getting divorced..... we both saw a pretty good roommate opportunity, so we jumped on it. It didn't last long, but we bonded. Then in 2003 her and her boyfriend took off to Arkansas to help take care of his dying grandmother (there were other reasons but we won't discuss them here) The grandmother died in about a year, but by then her and Michael were married and happy with their lives. They have truly thrived in Arkansas, and I am happy for them ..... I wish they could have thrived a little closer, but we have to take what we can get!

Ang and Jen - Wedding day The new bride and groom - Angie & Mike

This is my first trip out there since Adam and I went for their wedding in August 2003. Actually this is my first trip without my husband.... I miss him like crazy!

She had beautiful wedding, and her and her husband love each other as much as the best couples I have come into contact with... they are truly happy! By this time tomorrow I will be hugging my baby sister and snuggling with her darling kiddos... I can't wait!!

Halloween fun

I have to admit I love Halloween.... I know it is a kids holiday, but there are just some things I have never gotten around to growing up and getting over (Parades, fireworks, and Halloween come to mind) Now that I have kids it is so much more fun. I love to let the kids pick out what they want to be, and I usually go with whatever they want (unless it is a very immodest costume or something really really bad) My mom is pretty awesome at making costumes, so she is able to make pretty much anything the kids want if she has a picture to go off. 2 years ago the kids got this great idea to all 4 dress up as Nintendo characters. I am not sure who's idea this was, but it was sure cute. My mom made all the costumes, and the kids just loved them.

Unfortunately my pictures from that year are currently buried deep in storage, which is a shame cause they were dang cute! I will have to post them after we move

Lynz was Princess Peach from the Mario Games.... she won the costume contest at church, I think she won a large handful of candy... just what she wanted!

Dylan was Charizard from Pokemon (and yes I just had to ask Aidan what that costume was called)

Aiden Tanner was Donkey Kong

Aidan Wolfe was Picachue from Pokemon.

Last year the kids were all different but darling...


We also carved some super awesome pumpkins last year, we each picked a stencil... I think Aiden Tanner did the bat, Adam did the cat in the window, Aidan Wolfe did the scary face, Lyndsay did the coral reef, I did the honu, and Dylan did the spider. It was a great family activity and every single person had a ball.

Lyndsay was a 50's girl my mom made this costume for her. Isn't she the prettiest poodle skirt wearing girl you have ever seen?!?!?!

Dylan was a ninja ... very dangerous and very sneaky!

Aiden Tanner was a samurai, and he won a brand new bike at the trunk or treat! I am not sure what a samurai is, but according to Dylan they are mortal enemies of the ninja.... great!

Aidan Wolfe was Link from the legend of Zelda for the 2nd time... Grandma worked hard on this one to, and he pointed out to Adam and I exactly which sword and shield he wanted, Adam carved and shaped them and I painted them.


and cute little Zander was a super cute little spider.

This year it was just Me, Adam, Aidan W. and Zan. Adam humored me and let me take the kids over to the trunk or treat early, then trick or treating in my favorite trick or treating neighborhood from my childhood. He stayed back and handed out candy... what a cool guy I have to just let me go with whatever I want to do... I sure love him! :) My mom's sewing machine was unavailable due to us completely destroying her house for the remodel, so we had to go with store bought costumes this year. The kids were just as happy.... Lynz is the one who gets sentimental about stuff that is made for her, by her grandma, I love that about her!

Me and my boys getting ready for trick or treating... Thanks to Adam I got a new haircut that I love, and my mom dyed it for me... gotta fit in with all the blond babes on the beach!

for this years costumes the boys were quite opinionated, Aidan decided that iron man was the costume for him, but just asking for it would have been a bit too normal for this kid... he had to drop everything he had in the isle at walmart and sing and do the air guitar very loudly "I am Iron man" He sang more than that but I just am not cool enough to know the words :) After that display I kinda had to get it... people were looking at us and quite a few were laughing.

Zander wanted to be a crab..... I tried to sway his decision, but he was set on it. No matter what I suggested he just said "no, baby a crab" so we went on eBay and found a crab costume that was not too expensive, so I went with it. Well on the afternoon of Halloween his costume still had not come. I had contacted the seller a few times, but could not track it down. I was certain it would arrive the day after I needed it, just my luck. I went through all my old costumes looking for anything that might fit, and lucky for me he hasn't grown much this last year, so the spider still fit him. I was working on convincing him that it was still a crab, just a black crab when the mailman came up our street and saved the day!

The boys had such a good time, the highlight for Zander was when tigger and pooh gave him candy, he was just in awe! He was so cute saying trick or treat and thank you like a good little boy. We shouldn't ruin his good boy rep with the story of him running right into a house while trick or treating, but I can't resist. When the guy opened the door he just darted right in, and right down the hall, as fast as lightning I swear! I actually had to go in and drag him out, while he was telling me that no, he was looking for the kitty (which I assume he must have seen run that way when the door opened) We stayed out later than we should have, and it was totally dark by the time we were walking back to the truck. Aidan fell down and I thought he was going to loose it, his candy spilled and his hand was scraped a little, but he said "It's okay, I'm iron man!" and got right back up.

We totally spaced on the pumpkin carving this year... or just plain ignored it. I like to do things like that when all the kids are here to participate, I just hate to leave anything out, so I kinda skipped it this year... next year the kids should be here and we will rock the jack o lanterns again!

So I guess now its time to start prepping for Christmas (not my favorite holiday, but the kids do have fun, so I like that) There are already Christmas decorations out in every store I go into..... Jeez they don't waste a minute! I hope we are in our new home by then and get to make all sorts of new memories!

Having one of those feeling sorry for myself days

I hate days when I feel like this! I don't really have a valid reason, I am just feeling overwhelmed and down on life at the moment.

I am 1 week from being done with my first class, and I am doing well, but it is ALOT of work! I have to read 3 chapters (usually 30-50 pages each) a week, plus I have a short project and a 3-4 page paper due every week. I have an hour long class twice a week, that falls right around dinnertime, so I am trying to feed kids and pay attention at the same time. With no one to take care of Zander this is prooving to be quite a challenge.

Yesterday Adam and I both went to the Dr. and he was told that he needs surgery on his shoulder and physical therapy on his knee, this is okay except that they said he absolutly cannot run the marathon that he has been training on and so excited about for a year. He is devastated, which makes him a bit on the grouchy side. This is something that I have never dealt with well. When he is grouchy, I get sad, and I cry at the drop of a hat...

It is getting cold here and I am sick of cold. We were supposed to be moving in about 2 weeks but now we are being dragged back into a custody dispute so we are waiting to get that taken care of before we leave.... I am sure that this person has a reason for doing this, but I can't understand it to save my life.... this is a coming from a good parent who always puts the interests of kids as a top priority, and I just don't see how what they are doing is good for any kids. So that frustrates me.

I am worried about the transition of our medical care. I am trying to get everything taken care of now, but there is just so much! I can't wait until we get into a bigger place with all the Dr's we need in one town!

Having no car is the biggest frustration in the world to me. I have no place to put my stuff.... I can't just get in the car and go somewhere whenever I feel like it, and even though adam says I can use his truck anytime it is still his truck, and it just feels wrong.... plus I need a ladder to get up there! It ticks me off so much that I was sitting there doing nothing wrong, and some inattentive kid just slams me and drives away leaving me the only one out anything.

On a good note zander has been naked all day (it is almost noon now) and had no potty accidents, I don't even have to remind him, he just goes when he needs to. Unfortunalty if he has a diaper or pull ups on he is lazy and will just go in them. Aidan got his report card this week and has straight A's again, and I get to leave Monday to see my sister!!!

Sweet reminders

Since I am the worlds worst journal keeper (believe me I have tried, I even kept one for a while but then when I went back and read over it I relized that I only remembered to write in it when I was sad, so it was depressing to read, so I threw it out) so I decided to put a post up here for each of my kids, with memories and to let them know just how much I love each of them. I am so very grateful that I have this family that I do. We are not conventional, and I know that blended families are not thought of as a good thing, but I really believe that god had a hand in this, and we are exactly as we were meant to be. We have blended as seamlessly as I think is possible, and I know that every one of us loves and respect every other member of this family.... so here you go my lovely kids!
xoxo

My sweet Lynz

Lyndsay is just plain awesome! There is so much good about her I don't even know where to start....... in this last year (actually in the course of 1 visit) she went from an adorable little girl to an absolutely gorgeous young woman, and that girl has brains to! She spent most of the summer with us studying algebra every day so that she could test out of it... before her freshman year! She is now in all honors classes, and doing great, she is a nanny for triplets, which she is a pro at after dealing with her mom and myself both having babies last summer that she just loves to babysit as well as just play with all the time! She was right there with me when Zander was born (well right up until the time they decided I needed a C-section, then she waited in the hall) and she was by my side when I woke up. What a great thing to get such an enormous showing of love from my stepdaughter! She has adored Zander from day 1, in fact after the babysitter allowing him to get poisoned with crystal meth last summer Lyndsay was truly the ONLY person in the world other than Adam that I could feel okay about leaving him with..... my mom is the only one to have been added to that list to date, but I know that if Lyndsay is there, Zander is more than safe!

When Adam and I first married I was terrified of Lyndsay..... well not just Lyndsay, but the idea of a girl in my life. I only knew how to deal with boys. She took to me right away, and quickly washed every fear I had away by showing me that things like having a girl cook with, do makeup and hair with, and watch girlie movies isn't all that bad after all (we will try to forget the times that I went in public with my hair in pigtails and red lipstick because she was just so proud of how she had done it that if I had taken it off she would have been heartbroken) Now at 14 she can hands down make me look 100 times better than I can do myself. She has great skill with hair and makeup, and NOW I totally trust her!

Lyndsay has also been a great stabilizing force in Aidan's life. She has often been the only one that can pull him out of a fit of rage, or depression. She is always there to tell him how much she loves him no matter what, I love that about her.

Lyndsay lacks the ability to be mean, even to her brother (unfortunately they know this) and if they even fake a cry she can't handle that she might be hurting them.... they often use this and then run away saying something along the lines of "works every time" I really admire that in her.... she does get angry and annoyed, but she rarely looses her cool, and when she does it is very short lived. She is sweet and respectful to parents and grandparents, and I think she actually does enjoy hanging out with us older people as much as we enjoy her!

I am often inspired by how well she takes care of herself at such a young age.... she eats right, she stays healthy, and has such a great attitude..... we could all use a little bit of Lynsday in us!

Thank you Lynz for being a part of my life and for loving me! I can't wait to babysit your kids to return the favor!!